Perses

“How can you be so sure about that? I know we’re locked, and I can also see that you’re making absolutely no attempt to get us out of here. So if my last resource is screaming my way out of here, I’ll scream as loud as I can.”

“Yes because the bulletproof doors will shatter with a girl’s yell. That makes absolute sense actually.”

“You’re funny. For a while there I thought you really meant they don’t exist.”

“I’m hilarious actually. They actually do not.”

“Okay–so I get out of one trapped area only to get trapped in another? This is ridiculous. Someone fix this goddamned system please?”

“Yes because asking for it will certainly fix it.”

A strangled sob worked it’s way out of her mouth as he took the necklace, but she shook her head, retreating a few steps. Hey voice was shaky, but she still managed to force out a quick, “I think I cried enough at your funeral to cover right now.” She was being spiteful, and deep down she knew it was childish, but all that hurt and betrayal had to force it’s way out somehow. “If these damn doors would open now, everything would be perfect.” A blatant lie.

He walked to the other side of the room as if the distance would ease the discomfort between the two. It did nothing like he hoped it did. He did not understand why she was holding back more tears, she often remarked how him coming back would do nothing yet he saw something different in front of him. He still remained silent watching the doors as if concentrating on them would free her of her misery, again, nothing. He knew she wanted to get away and once again there was nothing he could do about it, that hurt him most of all.

“I can’t. I can’t keep it.” Her voice cracked as she shook her head, trying to give him the necklace with the ring. “Everytime I look at it, I think of you. It’s been like that for years, it won’t change with this new information. Everytime I feel it swinging against my chest, it reminds me of you, and when you first proposed, and I can’t. I really can’t have that reminder of you. It’ll break my heart everytime.”

He noticed the slight crack in her voice as his head turned to face her. He had no idea she would but here, if he did maybe he would have saved her the sudden rush of feelings she was just experiencing. If there was one thing he knew it was grief. He simply nodded his head as he took the necklace from the woman’s hand, remembering the struggle it was to find a special ring for her now it was all gone. He didn’t say a word as he stuffed  it into his pocket.

“Maybe that’s what made us work. But that all died the day you did I guess.” Her eyes were shining brightly, but Selene hadn’t cried in a long time, and she didn’t intend to now. Fingers curled around the gold chain that had hung around her neck since his funeral, ripping it off. On it, was her engagement ring. “Guess I don’t have much use for this now. Take it back.”

He listened to her words not letting emotion show in his face. His expression blank as he heard a sudden breaking sound revealing the ring he gave her years ago, “I have no use for it either. Keep it.”

“Enough with the martyr stuff! I get it, you were trying to keep me alive, thank you, but don’t you think I’ve done well enough on my own? I’m still here, alive, and that might be because you so graciously sacrificed yourself, but it might also be because I know how to stay alive. I can protect myself, you know that. And don’t tell me you were going to stop, because I sure as hell know I wasn’t. For once, I needed something to believe in. Someone to not be so reckless on missions for. Someone to fight for. And I almost had it, before you and this job ripped it away. Yeah. Guess I learned that the hard way.”

“Fine I’ll stop and let you live your own life from now on.  We were so different and guess it was for the best I so  “graciously sacrificed” myself, which would’ve never happened in the first place but why keep bothering to make you understand? Oh you called it recklessness? I called it having a plan? How can you kill a dead man? You can’t, so they’re dead and I’m alive. Well you’ve fought for yourself and that’s pretty much all that matters now is it? Much rather me rip it prematurely than you with your antics.”

“Almost makes me glad we didn’t get around to saying those vows and making it official. You know, there used to be a time where you were the only one in the whole world that I trusted. The only person. To have that ripped away from you is quite spectacular, but to have that ripped away from you then told it was all a lie? Sensational. Astounding. And you know what? There hasn’t been one person I’ve ever trust implicitly since. And now that you’re back? There still isn’t. ‘Til death do us part, right? I guess death did do us part.”

“And if we did I would have left my work because eventually it would’ve  gotten both of us killed. Because you were more important than anything that came with this job and if you can’t truly see that you’re blind. Yes, you might have gotten your heart broken but I could not have afforded to see you  dead, it wasn’t something I planned on so it was risk your life or leave and I chose latter. I understand your anger but I would have also understood the  reason. We must do things in our line of work which we regret and there isn’t anything we can really do about it which is why they explicitly say do not fall in love.”

“You don’t get the privilege of calling me that. Ever. I don’t give a damn about protocol. If you’re going undercover, fine. If you’re going to fake your own death and not tell me, not even close to fine. Were we always going to be spies first, everything else second?”

“Of course not because you don’t do what I do. Yes your work is difficult but never as difficult as what I do. I told you long time ago that it was dangerous you agreed, that I might die and you agreed no matter what. I’m not saying this so you can take me back  but I am clearing my name. I would have loved to tell you but they  forbade it and I knew why and I agreed. I agreed because just like they would kill me they would kill anyone who I was close to  and that just so happened to be you. You never want to see me? Fine. You are and forever will be angry? Fine but I had a reason.”

“The lights are flickering. The doors are closing. There’s people dying and the aliens are coming, so forgive me if I can’t keep quiet about it.”

“No one is dying and nobody is coming.  You’re locked inside, so lower your voice.”

“You being sorry isn’t enough. It doesn’t fix anything——doesn’t fix years of mourning, years of me thinking, ‘what should I have done differently? Could I have saved him?’. I blamed myself for the longest time you know. And then I moved on. I think you should too. Just another girl from your past, right?”

“Проклятье Офелия, act your age. You well know I had orders, you know protocol.”

“For future reference, I can handle my fucking self. Irregardless, you got what you wanted. Consider me lost. If, you know, those four years of me trying to move on didn’t show you.”

“I know that. Who said this was what I wanted?  I know words won’t solve anything, but I truly am sorry.”

“…Cool. Do puppies freak you out? ‘Cause mine’s a bit afraid of the dark, and if you could hold her for a sec, that’d be great.”

“Put her on the floor. Dogs tend to soil themselves when they’re afraid.”

“So you’re telling me that an intelligent capable seasoned spy couldn’t cover his tracks enough to maybe drop one little note, ‘hey Nicola, I’m not fucking dead?’ I call bullshit.”

“We’ve all had to make sacrifices, anything could be traced  and you very well know that. I would have rather lost you than you hurt. You didn’t know what it was like, all you see is the paper but the actual experience is different.”

“Is that all you have to say? Not an explanation, or anything? Doesn’t even matter, because four years isn’t even that long, right?”

“What do you want me to say? I did what I had to do to get them off my back. That meant no contact, you  knew the risks.”

“No, I will not be quiet about it         because we deserve answers.”

“Even if they had answers, it is their          business. Just because you demand answers                 it doesn’t always mean you’ll get your way, especially here.”