just things i like and do

It’s done. Not a waste of time or effort. But overall absurd. What a life I have led. Good riddance. Goodbye.

No expectations. Sending him love. And hoping that life will show us a way.

Shall we try again?

One more shot? It’s not really a shot. It is more about doing what I think is right, and how I would like to be treated.

If you’re out there, give me a sign.

Here’s the thing. Do I sometimes feel sad? Absolutely. I’ve cried, and I’ve felt anxious from time to time. But I also have strangely never felt closer to him. To my ultimate person. I’m getting there. As my sister said, I have to strike out a few times before I hit my home run.

Come back

It is strange. Usually after a heartbreak I leave it feeling depressed, living much like a zombie. But this time, perhaps because I was writing, I feel alive and well.

No failure in effort. That’s for sure, but that doesn’t mean you’ll find success even if you do put in effort. And part of the non-failure in effort is that you learn and adjust and do new things. That’s what made Pedro great. And that’s what will make me great and ok in all of this. Be more open and be more unafraid. And still believe in magic. Because it’s out there.

How do you become into someone? There’s many stages. There’s the stage when you’re just simply attracted to that person. That’s not as easy as it seems. And I mean just the basic physical and easy conversation attraction. And then you move into another phase, after you get to know the person, that you get to see this person and their deeper attributes— are they jealous? Are they kind? What kind of small things do they do that make you appreciate them? And then I think the final stage is when you’ve spent enough time with each other that you get to really see what they are like, under stress, under pain, under grief. And if you still want to be with that person in that stage, well, it’s hard to not want to always be with him. And for the other person, when you realize that the other person sees you, the real you, and is still there and is accepting of you, that’s when you probably can’t help but fall for the other person too.

All you can do is do your best. And see what comes.

I’m at the bottom of the seventh, and behind by many runs. But I’m going to keep on pitching, keep on doing my best. And believing in magic.

No failure in effort.

That which is lost can be found again