Lauren loves Taylor

SYGB is my favorite song on Lover. I lost my mom to cancer when I was 17 and it just perfectly sums up how I felt when she was sick.

@taylorswift I know we've never met but I am so proud of you. I know that wasn't easy for you but you nailed it. Wishing I could give you a big hug right now. I've been a Swiftie since your first album and I've never been more proud to be one. I'll always be one too.

made this video with some international fans to show how your music is universal, we made this with much love and we hope you enjoy the impact your album has made in our lives 🥰

seeing as this month is autism awareness month, i wanted to talk about this for a bit!

i was diagnosed around the age of 3 with high functioning autism. this means that i can complete many of the day-to-day tasks a neurotypical person can (i’m academically capable, etc.)

(1) unlike the neurotypical person, i struggle A LOT with social interactions. for example, making eye contact is extremely difficult. while some on the autism spectrum can and do talk a lot, this is a SPECTRUM. so each of us are different. if i don’t know you well (my peers and professors alike), i struggle with the aspect of not knowing what to say, or being to shy to say it, so i won’t talk at all. generally, this is less severe with my peers, though with my teachers/professors, i have displayed longer than normal lag-times and appear like a deer-in-the-headlights. this is, and has been, how my diagnosis primarly affects me on a day-to-day basis.

there are other common characteristics of people with autism that i experience as well. i will explain them here:

(2) TRANSITION TIME: transitions occur throughout the day, frequently. let me give you an example. say that i’m working on task A and need to transition to task B. this transition and change in routine can, and has posed great difficulty to me (more so in the past, it’s improved overtime). however, there are strategies to improve shifting my attention from task to task, and a change in routine. when i am given a time frame & have that predictability (i.e. my parents would warn me + set a timer for switching tasks), i am able to handle the transition without having a meltdown (will explain later). 

(3) ROUTINES/RITUALS: for people with autism, the world feels unpredictable. many of us on the spectrum feel anxious, and unpredictable = frightening. so, established routines/rituals that are predictable and we’re in control of is a natural solution. routines/rituals were very prevalent for me when i was younger. for example, all through elementary school, my dad walked my sister and i to school in the mornings. on my walk to school, there was a pole. it was a routine/ritual of mine that my dad and i would have to stand on opposite sides of the pole and swing our arms over the pole, as we walked past. if this failed to happen one day, i would insist on going back and doing it, otherwise it would trigger a meltdown (will explain later).

(4) MELTDOWN: any change to my routine (above in 2 and 3), can trigger a meltdown if the right strategies aren’t implemented. change causes stress to me, it’s unfamiliar and unpredictable. my brain is in overdrive trying to piece things together and function. meltdowns when i’m in the presence of my family take the form of outward distress – where i cry uncontrollably, scream, and stomp. when i’m with those outside my family, my meltdowns take the form of withdrawal – where i zone out and stare into space.

the reason why i’m explaining all of this (above, in #1) is that this is the contributing factor about why i find making friends to be hard. throughout school, i’ve always had little to no friends. it would leave me feeling a sense of isolation, and i YEARNED to feel a sense of belonging. 

my interest and passion in music entered my life in the late 2000s/early 2010s, when i discovered taylor’s music. and became engrossed in this new world. as a swiftie. 

this (above) is noteworthy, because special interests are another common characteristic in people with autism. it’s prevalent for me. having a special interest (in music, taylor’s musc) makes it SO much easier for me to socially interact, with other swifties, to form these friendships. 

this fandom has given me that sense of belonging which i always yearned to have. i’m glad to have found it, and to have formed so many incredible relationships/friendships with swifties from around the world. 

@taylorswift​, thank you for being HOME to me. 💗 @taylornation​

And all I feel

In my stomach, is butterflies

The beautiful kind <3

and every day is like a battle but every night with us is like a dream

You can walk away, say we don't need this

But there's something in your eyes

Says we can beat this

Because these things will change

I’d Settle for Hate

by Joshua Brown

@tslifestyle13

By doing nothing,

you controlled my every move.

The indifference ensured

I’d never get over you.

So I asked you to talk

that night in your door.

You reluctantly agreed,

as if our love were a chore.

I negotiated terms like a contract,

knowing your advantage was unfair.

Begging for love,

I’d settle for hate,

Because at least you’d still care.

But I lost every game that I played,

The guilt trips were a dead end.

And when the deal fell through,

I had lost a friend.