incoherent but functional

lmao of course I have like, one month and change left at this hell job and now I have to be interviewed by the inspector general as part of an audit… will my suffering ever end…

wanted to scream. went for a walk instead. still want to scream. wish there was a place I could do it that wouldn’t immediately be terrible consequences for myself. sometimes the rage is just that bad.

i am getting dental surgery tuesday (the first part of getting an implant replacement for my tooth that had to unexpectedly get pulled out of my skull a year and four months ago) and i am making a grocery list because i will not be able to eat anything texturally interesting for weeks. i think i need to eat nachos this weekend because when am i ever going to enjoy crunching again???

do you know how many times i have felt like absolute shit about myself because of something someone said to me, only to find out later they actually don't know what they're talking about or are a person who engages in behavior that makes me lose all respect for them? its so many times. and yet,

working on my day off because we are so short staffed I have to give double the lead time than usual for things to get approved. I hate thissss

damn he wasn’t kidding the new tMG single is a summer bop if i ever heard one

i am working on a talk which is the final talk i will likely ever give on this big, giant model/decision support tool i have been working on and adding to and improving for 8 years. i am making the slides and for the first time i am looking at this and saying woah. this is really cool that i did all of this from just a couple vague ideas that some people had who asked me to make something of it. like i guess it should have hit me before this but its like when its just the daily grind it is hard to see it for what it is. but i really did do some good applied science here. and its probably going to die with my departure because thats just how things go. but at least i am trying to put out all the resources i can to help someone else pick it up in my absence (i am “ethically” banned from ever working on this again. lol)

it is not my job to judge and therefore i address it all as if its serious and contact the right people for the thing but there’s this one lady at my job who thinks the union can fix everything that annoys her even slightly. she’s like “my supervisor sent me this document. have you ever seen this in your life??” and. it’s.. a page from the employee handbook. like yeah I have. Why haven’t you????