ring the bells / that still can ring

how much of ur online presence is performative and how much is it u being u

baby every me is me, we are the mask and the wearer

it has always been a dream of mine to relax

I live a very balanced life of noticing things nobody else does and not noticing the things that literally everybody notices

ever since i was a little girl i knew fiction would save me

The really unfortunate thing about mental health progress is that sometimes you realize you've made it in the form of "wow, I haven't felt this bad in a fucking while"

On the one hand it's a bit of a pick me up in a dark place to know that this will pass because it has passed before on the other hand sometimes it isn't entirely a pleasant thought to go "wow, I used to feel like this all the time. That was pretty fucking bad. It's pretty bad right now too also."

Someday your current baseline will be the sort of thing you consider A Really Bad Day. It does get better.

sorry for the delay in responding to your message. I was walking around the house with unclear intentions

went to college and came back wrong

somehow just now realized that not remembering large chunks of 2020-2023 and to be honest not a lot of 2018-2019 either probably has to do with my undiagnosed dissociative disorder. or maybe i realized this before and forgot it who knows. #MyUndiagnosedDissociativeDisorder

i know everyone says the covid years blurred together for them but like i saw a (tele)therapist for several months during covid that i have no memory of seeing. i only found out about this when getting emails about old unpaid bills. sometimes i can summon the fuzzy shape of a memory if i try hard enough but not with that those ones are like Gone gone. also i came out to my brother twice because i didn't remember coming out the first time and still don't

being ridiculously stressed for no reason and then physically feeling the dissociation setting in is actually so comforting

it's always like this is great finally i can function agai- why don't i know my phone password

sometimes i have strong opinions but they're also so inane that halfway through writing a post i'll be like "yeah, this is Absolutely not worth the energy it's taking" and delete everything. but then the opinion is still in my head. and i still want to share it. so within five minutes i go "you know, i bet i can phrase it more succinctly this time" and anyway. you all see where this is going. sometimes i do this four times in a row before i give up on the specific inane opinion and instead write a vague post about the concept of opinions as if that'll satisfy the urge to post the entirety of my inner monologue online. may or may not be relevant to what you're reading right now. and now all our lives have been enriched. you're welcome

job interviewer: would you be willing to destroy and betray yourself for nothing?

I need my weird alone time or I will explode