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Helen yanks her glasses off in annoyance, “I'm doing research for you, I can stop right now. You only wanted to plan the fun part of your death.” She says, thinking back to the absolute nonsense that was Madeline's fake death. 

“Don't act like you didn't have any fun with that! I saw your face when we blew that yacht up.” The two of them had sat side by side in the middle of the night on a little dinghy with enthralled matching grins as the yacht went up in flames. Madeline’s fake body going with it. It was a little romantic, the soft glow of boat flames in the back ground on the gentle sway of the ocean.

“That was pretty sick.” Helen had to admit. Rigging the boat to blow had been one of the most fun yet insane things she’d done in her life…and she’d scaled the wall of a mental insa–health spa. “But you have to pick a place soon, your funeral is going to be in a couple weeks.” 

“Stop worrying, I already have.” The words are said almost nervously but Helen doesn’t pick that up just yet.

“Then why the fuck am I still looking for you right now?” Her laptop is snapped shut with a little too much force. She'd been perusing cemetery websites for the last hour!

“Because…I didn’t know how to tell you.” Madeline puts her phone face down on the bed, not meeting Helen’s eyes. 

“Is this about the drone thing again? We CANNOT spread fake ashes with a drone over Broadway.” That’s one of Madeline’s tamer options. 

“No not that…killjoy.” Madeline grumbles under her breath. 

“Well, Hollywood Forever said no to having your own fountain installed.” She still can’t believe she had to call and ask about that.  

“One, fuck them. Two, it's not there either.” Still she won’t make eye contact. 

“Then where is it, Mad?” Helen sighs exasperated, not in the mood for a guessing game. It takes a few more moments of silence for Madeline to finally speak again. She picks her phone back up and Helen gasps at the cemetery on the screen.

“With you.” 

It's the same place Helen is buried. 

“What?” She can’t believe it.

“The spot next to you is still open. I thought a lot about it, and all the other, much cooler places my headstone could be but I don’t think I want that. I want to be next to you. If you’ll have me.” Her eyes are trained on the pattern of the sheets as she speaks. Did she think Helen would say no? That she wouldn’t like that? How on earth could she think that? They were spending eternity together already, not by choice but Helen thinks they might have found their way to one another eventually, potion or not. 

“Mad, I would love that. Are you sure though? You said the cemetery I picked was for and I quote, 'Boring nobodies’. ” 

“Did I say that?” Madeline winces, feeling a tiny bit guilty.

“Yes, yes you did.” 

“Then I guess I don’t care anymore. I want to be boring with you forever.” She finally looks up at her with that adoring look that always makes Helen’s brain stop working. 

“That’s a backhanded compliment.” Helen says with a sniffle, feeling her emotions get the best of her. God she was always such an easier crier. It doesn’t help that whenever she starts up Madeline can’t help but cry too.

“It's what we do best.” Tears well in Madeline's eyes, the two of them meet in the middle of their huge canopy bed, wrapping their arms around one another. Madeline pulls back slightly so she can look into those pretty green eyes, cupping Helen’s cheek.  

“I can be boring in death with you over there but here, Hel?” She kisses her gently. “I’m never bored.” 

Her words only have more tears spilling from Helen. Madeline has the terrible habit of making Helen want to strangle her most days and yet she still manages to say the most romantic heart stopping things Helen has ever heard. “Besides, I already have a memorial being built for me in my home town.”

“You’re paying for your own memorial to be built?” It shouldn’t be shocking, that’s such an on brand Madeline thing.

“Mmmhmm.”

“Are we going to have to fly there to keep that one pretty too?” She asks, cuddling into Madeline’s side. 

“Maybe once or twice a year.” She shrugs, resting her head on a shared pillow. 

First of all, the whole thing with Ernest not caring about Helen's "unattractive" traits (eg: wearing a retainer ot crying at SPCA ads) is supposed to be in a positive way, as in he loves her regardless of those things, but the bit about how he doesn't care that she gives up on her dreams because she's too scared to try kinda feels off.

Like, surely your partner should encourage you to follow your dreams, and help you when it's scary. The idea that he doesn't do that just feels wrong.

And then there's the fact that, while helen says "You're my person", Ernest only responds with "That's right, dear." Never does he say the words back (at least in the soundtrack. I haven’t actually seen the musical live) Madeline, on the other hand, does.

Also, Ernest leaves Helen as soon as Madeline shows up to seduce him, and only goes back to liking her after she drinks the potion and is, in his eyes, more attractive. That, on top of Helen's reaction and Ernest's distinct lack of response to "How's Helen in the sack?", which to me implies that maybe they don't have much sex, gives the impression that Ernest saw that he could have a relationship with more sex and physical intimacy with Madaline than he could with Helen and jumps ship. Once he realises that a marriage to Madeline isn't all he thought it would be (a lot of which I attribute to my headcannon that Mad doesn't actually love him, and is probably a lesbian), he happily goes along with Helen's ideas and likes her, because now she's had the potion and is acting more like Mad was in "Tell Me, Ernest."

And now, some of the reasons Madeline loves Helen (and vice versa):

In "That Was Then, This Is Now", Helen's main focus is how her engagement affects Madeline, and how her reaction was "delicious" and "addicting". She wants to provoke a reaction from her because she wants her attention (even if this isn't a particularly kind way to get it, but these sapphics are toxic, what can you do?) Furthermore, Mad used to send her "spiralling into a hopeless place". Gay pining? Probably.

Later in the song, Hel describes Ernest as "My boring old willow tree/whose eyes only pone for me". That isn't the kind of description one would give to someone they love. And the mention of how he only pines for her could be reflective of how she wants Mad to pine for and focus on her and only her, but she's always off with other men (usually Helen's boyfriends)

On the topic of Mad stealing Hel's boyfriends, I've heard several theories but the one I like best is that Madeline knows she's jealous, and just assumes it's because she wants Helen's boyfriends, and so takes them, not realising she's actually in live with Helen (just to be clear, that doesn't make it okay or good that she stole them, but it does explain it. And again, they're both toxic). It's also a way of retaining Helen's attention, when she might otherwise be focused on her boyfriend.

And then, at Madeline's wedding, not only does she hire an opera singer and basically sing her vows with him rather than to Ernest, but she also changes Ernest's vows to remove any trace of him professing his love or him remaining with her (as he does in "Ernest's real vows) Mad is trying to make this wedding as unromantic as possible. Whether she knows this is what's she's doing or not is almost beside the point. She doesn't really love him.

Skipping to the end, not only do we get Mad saying she's Helen's person, she also apologises, to which Hel responds with forgiveness. (This whole song is very "For Good", which is also a very gay song). They both acknowledge their flaws and the toxicness of their relationship, but commit to staying together (something that Mad removes from Ernest's vows). And, lo and behold, 50 years later they're still together, mocking Ernest.

There is so much more I could say on this, but this post is already obscenely long, so I'll save it for another time.