I love Nicola I have to write this anonymously for now, but i hope if you come across it by chance that you do not find it creepy, it is just a way to get out what i can't tell you, not yet anyway and probably never. Firstly the reason i am writing this is because i am with someone else, otherwise i would waste no time in telling this to you myself. So wait a minute if i am with someone am i not a bastard to say this to you? 3 years ago if anyone asked you who you love most in the world you would have had a name. Today you have another name. That does not mean that who you loved most 3 years ago is now "un" loved (assuming that you read this inside 3 years this is) but you feel different to the one you love most now, that person is your life and everything to you. So what is it that makes you so different to me? Well i always had this thought that a guy should know who is the one and only because when he woke up he was so happy to wake next to who he woke beside. He should be always aroused by her, always stimulated by mentally, and have pride and admiration and respect for her. The first time i saw you i was attracted, but i pushed that away from my mind. As time went by i was attracted not jut to the body but the mind. How you fought so vigorously for some things. How your temper could flare up so easily. Yet you were loyal and kind and just lovely. I have always felt that love letters are not a guy thing so if this seems girly and less than manly, well i make no apologies because it gets it off my chest. Anyway who i was with didn't match up and she deserved to be loved so strongly. But when i looked to you i felt sick and in pain. No i am not making it up, you literally cause me a physical pain to be away from you. But i saw you so rare that it was a blessing i suppose since the closeness to you hurt afterwards. But i wanted to tell you to just say Nicola when i look at you all i see is an angel, you stun me with your beauty, i mean literally like amazement and there is not one person famous now or in history who people usually fawn over, whom i could prefer to you. If i was put in a room with 80 naked women begging for sex i would decline because you are worth more for just a kiss than any other woman for anything else. How often though you bemoan the fate of your body, yet you think i see a need for change or make up? No Nicola, you as you is all that i want, no more than that do i need to be blown away utterly. But you are not just stunning physically, you have skills,and personality and humour and a manner about you that draws me in like a magnet, like i said already. Pride,awe,admiration,respect. If i thought you would accept i would take you as you are and marry you. I wish i could have my life beside you, to love and honour you and protect you and make you feel secure and loved. I guess the thought of such commitment is a whoah! for you, but for me it is not like a hey here's a stalker moment, it is just a way of saying that with you, there is not one moment of fear of committing. And a marriage or strong commitment is never all roses, but i would rather a day with you being stroppy with me, than a year with any one else just going through the motions. A kiss from you better than sex with anyone else. A smile from you lights me up. A life of wealth would be hideous if i could have swapped for life with you but without money because i would be poorer without your love despite monetary wealth so you win every single time. I am so gutted i can't just call or knock on your door, ask you out and hear you say yes and it goes from there. I am stunned to my core that any man ever left you or did not give you what you wanted to make you stay. I swear to you on my life that if you gave me the chance to be what you need i would. Not that i am a weak simpering fool, but if you had a clue as to who i was, you know that anyway. But, i would remember that i love you so i can be strong in many ways but never would a day go by that you question my love. If only i could be in the position of proving my words. And yet where do i find myself? I find i will watch a man get the greatest woman in the world, and i will be helpless. I will be torn apart. You are the other half of me, when people say "my other half" it seems jokey, but in this case, you ARE. But what can i do but say Nicola, if you find a man you love, i pray to god he loves you the way i do. Not for any one thing but for all that you are. And if ever you think you know who i am,and ask me to be with you or i find i am in a position to ask you i will. There is no hesitation for me. If there were words that could shape your feelings then i would have written these better. Pathetic scratchings likely to be viewed as creepy or stalky. Well i cannot feel other than i do and at the least feel a little better because i told you (sort of) Baby darling my heart belongs to you forever and if you made the slightest sign i will be only yours untill the day i die.