Pinecone Face & Kelp Head & Death Breath

Percy: What are your adjectives?

Thalia: You mean pronouns?

Percy: No, I mean adjectives.

Thalia: What are yours?

Percy: Noisy and chaotic

Thalia: I never saw something go from no sense to understandable in 2 secs

++++

Nico talking to someone: Your heart’s in the right place, but I don’t know where the hell your brain is.

++++

Chiron: Would you rather be feared or loved?

Thalia&Nico: Feared.

Jason&Hazel: Loved

Percy: Both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me.

+++

Percy: Percy doesn’t share food!

++++

Percy to Thalia: We were both wrong, not equally wrong. You were at least six more wronger than me.

+++

Percy: When life gives you lemonade, make lemons. Life’ll be all like ‘what?!’

Thalia: What?

Source: other incorrect quotes, but made them Thalia&Nico&Percy

Percy: Were gonna break some laws

Thalia: Cool! Laws of what? Physics, morality or America?

Percy: Yes. That's the order we're gonna break them in.

+++++

Nico: is anyone here actually straight?

Percy: *raises his hand*

Thalia, who read his diary and descriptions about every male he met: *puts his hand back down*

++++

Who's Percy's favourite cousin?

Nico: you deserve an award for putting up with me

Percy: Neeks, you're my reward <3

//

Thalia: you deserve an award for putting up with me

Percy: dam right i do

+++++

Thalia: I got you something that will make you happy. I call them "Opposite Tortures."

Percy: You mean presents?

Nico: Yes, that's better, thank you.

++++

Thalia, during a quest: Just so you know, if you end in prison for this, Percy… I will not wait for you!

Percy: You won't have to. I'll escape. We both know that.

Nico: He already did.

Thalia: What?

Nico: Twice

++++

Nico: And don't worry. I haven't stabbed anyone in a really long time. Like, a whole month.

Thalia: Well, Nico, that's not very long.

Percy: It is when you're the one not doing the stabbing.

++++

Percy: newsflash, i have no plan.

Nico and Thalia, looking at him: -.-

Percy: everything i’ve done in the last ten years has been me making stuff up as i go along.

Nico: Shocker.

Thalia: So when you attacked a Titan and held the sky, you didn't plan it? I'm actually surprised!

++++

Percy: I never know whether I should use ‘farther’ or ‘further’

Nico: ‘farther’ is for physical distance and ‘further’ is for metaphorical distance

Thalia: And ‘father’ is for Emotional distance.

Percy and Nico: Thalia, come on, no

Thalia:

☻

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Percy: I just wake up. Can you give me a minute before being crazy.

****

Percy: What happens when you put nutella on salmon?

Thalia: I'm scared.

Percy: You get salmonella!

Thalia: Don't talk with me.

***

Thalia: WTF YOU TAKE LIKE TEN YEARS TO REPLY

Thalia: DO YOU TEXT PEOPLE AND THEN THROW YOUR PHONE ACROSS THE F*** PACIFIC?

Percy: I throw myself across the Pacific.

***

Percy: I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU WANT FROM ME! I roast you and you hate it. I am nice with you and you hate it. Maybe, I should just die!

Thalia: No!!

Percy: Oh, you hate that too!!!

***

Percy: You done being phycho?

Thalia: No.

***

Thalia: FLIRT BACK GOD DAM IT!

Percy: HOW??

***

Thalia: Wait you like me? Like, my personality?

Percy: I know, I was surprised too.

***

Thalia: ARE YOU GUYS A THING OR NOT?

Percy: NO NO NO.

BUT

Thalia: WHAT?

***

Thalia: Are you done being sarcastic?

Percy: Yes.

Thalia: Wait, really?

Percy: Yeah. Totally. Completely. Done for good.

Thalia: ...

***

Percy: Shut up.

Thalia: I didn't say anything!

Percy: I can feel the judgement.

***

Percy: Are you up?

Thalia: Yes.

Percy: Me too.

Thalia: Yeah. I can see that.

***

Thalia: GET AWAY THAT FROM ME!

Percy: NO! IF I HAVE TO SUFFER, YOU SUFFER WITH ME!

***

Thalia: So hear me out. We kidnap him.

Percy: No.

Thalia: You kidnapped Nico.

Percy: I adopted him. Illegally and without saying to anyone.

Thalia: That is kidnap.

***

Thalia: I called.

Percy: I watched it ring.

***

Thalia: That's a bad idea.

Percy: uh uh

Thalia: You already do it, don't you?

Percy: 👍👍

***

Percy: What is wrong with us?

Thalia: A lot. But at least we are hot.

***

Percy: I just ended a 5 years relationship

Thalia: OMG, are you okay?

Percy: Oh, it wasn't my relationship.

***

Percy: Did you hear about the chef that died?

Thalia: No.

Percy: He pasta away.

Thalia: I hope you pasta away.

Percy 🥺🥺🥺

***

Percy: So, how's your life?

Thalia.: good. Yours?

Percy: Good.

Percy: We are both lying, right?

Percy: Are you telling me that the most powerful being in the Universe thought that the only way to save his daughter was turning her into a fucking tree?

Thalia, in the tree: Right?!?!?!? That's what I am saying to my friends here!

***

Percy: Can someone make an example of something useless?

Thalia: *raises her hand*

Percy: Correct. Anyone else?

Thalia: I am unsure if I should be proud of you or just killing you.

***

Thalia: You know that the only way to beat him is using the dumbest idea of all?

Annabeth: So there is no hope?

Percy: I don't know any Hope. But I am here and I have an amazing idea!

Thalia: That'll work.

**

Thalia: Why Clarisse is mad at you?

Percy: You saw Clarisse's spear?

Thalia: No?

Percy: There's your answer.

***

At TTC

Thalia: Apollo is hot.

Percy: Yeah, he is the sun god.

After HOO

Percy: OH MY GODS, SHE DIDN'T MEAN THAT!!

***

Percy: Why is Thalia crying over there?

Annabeth: She made on of those 'Which Greek God are you.'

Percy: And?

Annabeth: She got Hera.

Percy: Oh, dam. Poor Thals.

***

Thalia: I am a disappointment.

Nico: I am useless.

Jason: I had to lead all my friends into war.

Hazel: I sacrificed myself

Percy: Wait, that isn't normal administration?

***

Chiron: I had to return at the Camp.

Zeus: Why?

Chiron: It is Summer.

Poseidon: And?

Chiron: The Hunters are visiting.

Hades: Oh, damn, you better go.

Zeus: I don't understand.

Chiron: Percy and Thalia are there. Together. Without supervision.

Poseidon: You should really go.

***

And, finally, a classic

Zeus: You will be rewarded. What do you most desire?

Percy: Pay your fucking child support.

Zeus: ...

Percy: Here you are Thalia, nice hot cup of coffee

Thalia: Oh, it's cold.

Percy: Nice cup of coffee.

Thalia: It's horrible!

Percy: Cup of coffee.

Thalia: I'm not even sure it is coffee.

Percy: Cup.

+++++

Percy: There's no I in team, but there's one in pizza.

Thalia: So you're not going to share.

Percy: I'm not going to share.

++++

Thalia: You can trust me! Let's not forget who pulled you out of the lava before!

Percy: Let's not forget who pushed me in in the first place.

++++

Piper: What do you think Thalia and Percy will do for a distraction?

Annabeth: They'll probebly, like, make a noise of throw a rock. That's what I would...

°Building explodes and several alarms go off°

Annabeth: Or they could do that.

+++

Percy: How are we going to defeat Kronos?

Thalia: I'm not supposed to have any ideas. I'm the hot one.

Percy: I'm pretty sure I'm the hot one.

+++

Thalia: How come whenever I have fun, it's considered wrong?

Percy: People die when you have fun.

+++

Thalia: Are you nervous?

Percy: Kinda.

Thalia: Is it your first time?

Percy: No, I've been nervous may times.

+++

Mr D: How do Jackson and Grace usually get out of these messes?

Chiron: They don't. They just make a bigger mess that cancels the first one out.

+++

Thalia: You often use humor to deflect trauma

Percy: Thank you

Thalia: I didn't say that was a good thing.

Thalia: We need to talk.

Percy: Are you going to yell at me?

Thalia: No, the opposite actually.

Percy: I'm going to yell at you?!?

Thalia: No!

****

Thalia: Can I be frank with you guys?

Nico: Sure, but I don't see how changing your name is going to help.

Percy: Can I still be Percy?

Nico: Sh, let Frank speak.

***

Nico: We would like to remind you how much you love us.

Percy: And how boring your life is going to be if you kill us.

Thalia: What did you do?

***

Percy, after explaining a plan: Does anybody have any questions?

Thalia: Is this even legal?

Hey, you know what we were robbed of?

You know what Nico told, like, all HoO? No one cares about me, I'll left Camp Halfblood and other stuffs?

Now, this is what should have happened after TTC.

(Chiron is the one that told Nico about Bianca's fate, because Percy was another kid and it shouldn't be on him doing something like that!)

Nico: I don't have anyone, now.

Percy: You have me.

Nico: Thanks, but...

Percy: No, you misunderstood me. You have me means: I have packed your stuffs, mom is on her way here and you are going to sleep with me in my bedroom.

Nico: Are you kidnapping me?

Percy: Are you complaining?

Nico: .... No.

Percy: Perfect. Mom is here, let's go.

Nico: What if I said no?

Percy: You don't want to know, believe me.

++++

Nico: I have problem with a boy.

Percy: Like... his body doesn't fit in the bag problem, or more, I like him problem?

Nico: The second one.

Percy: Too bad, I could have helped with the first one.

Nico: What I'm going to do, then?

Percy: Well, my way is to be naive and don't understand if someone likes me.

Nico: And?

Percy: I don't know. I can't recognize if others have crushes on me or not. I have anxiety, but that is for being a demigod. Mostly.

Nico: Okay. I'm going to ask your mom.

Percy: Yeah, that's a good idea.

+++

Nico: Hey, I did something terrible.

Percy: Don't worry, they won't find out anything.

Nico: What did you think I have done? And why do you have a shovel in your hand?

Percy: ...

Nico: ...

Percy: It doesn't matter. They won't discover you.

++++

At the phone: We have your cousin

Nico: Which cousin?

Voice: Uh, what?

Nico: I said which cousin? Gods have too many children, really! They don't know the meaning of 'protection'.

Voice: Uh, dark hairs, green eyes, likes horses..?

Nico: Ah, that's Percy. And, you don't have him, he has you. Good luck.

++++

Nico: You are late.

Percy: I was kidnapped.

Nico: How much?

Percy: They asked for giving me back?

Nico: No, how much time they bear your non-stop and nonsense talks.

Percy: Rude.

Nico: ...

Percy: You are very rude.

Nico: ...

Percy: An hour.

Nico: Ah, I see. I have to say, they bear more than I imagined.

Percy: Yes, I know. I was surprised myself.

++++

Kidnapper: Did you order a pizza?

Percy: Ah-ah

Kidnapper: So, you found a phone and, instead of calling the police on me, your kidnapped, you order a pizza?

Percy: Are you mad cause I used your credit card?

Kidnapper: You used my credit card?!?!?

Percy: Sorry. I was hungry. And being kidnapped won't stop me.

In the meantime

Annabeth: It is peaceful.

Nico: Percy got kidnapped again, so there isn't noise.

Grover: Percy was kidnapped?

Annabeth: Again?

Based on my sad true story of this morning

Thalia: I gave you my phone this morning! How you managed to delete it?

Percy: I'm that special?

Thalia: If you don't run, you're going to be that dead!

****

Percy: How often do you think about homocide?

Thalia: Almost three times a year

Percy: We saw each other almost three times a year.

Thalia: Yeah, I know.

***

Zeus: We are voting against this. Didn't you hear us?

Thalia: We aknowledge that the Council made a decision.

Percy: But, since that decision is absolutely stupid, we decided to ignore it.

***

Hera: I am the best goddess in here

Thalia: You aren't even in the top 20 goddesses

Percy: You aren't in the top 100 beings in general.

Hera: I could kill you.

Percy: Wrong, you could try.

Thalia: And then you could be embarassed for the rest of your immortal and useless life.

Percy: While you still won't be in the top 100 list of beings.

***

Thalia: What do you like most of me?

Percy: The fact that you think that I like you at all. Great confidence there.

***

Thalia: The first time I met you, I thought you were a bitch

Percy: What changed your mind?

Thalia: I still think you are a bitch, I just like this of you.

***

Percy: I'm running late school.

Thalia: Is this my problem?

Percy: Not really.

Thalia: Then suffer in silence.

After a while

Thalia: I solved your problem.

Percy: How?

Thalia: Destroyed the school. If there isn't a school, you can't be late.

Percy: You are the best.

Thalia: I know.

***

Jason: How could you possibly know everything about everyone?

Thalia: I have my ways.

After a few seconds.

Percy: I can keep a secret, can you?