Mixed Chick, Mixed Emotions

Her head rests on a pillow in a dark room. It’s warm, maybe too warm.

I’ve done it again. I’ve fallen into the trap it created. It’s familiar scent lured me in and it’s intriguing warmth is was keeps me here. But that scent is really the stench of past failures and the false warmth is just hypothermia reaching extreme conditions. The sad thing is, is that I continue to go through a cycle of coming and going. It’s something I can’t get away from.

It’s been a while babe. I missed the way these letters combine to express my ever so abundant thoughts. The perfect canvas for a typewriter artist.

I fell in love with a boy who was never capable of loving me.

They were right, and they still are.

Goodbye 16 Goodbye year laced with bittersweet memories and people I no longer see. Goodbye city enforced curfews and the days cut short because of it. Too bad my mom still believes in you. Goodbye to the smiles and giggles that helped make my days brighter. May you grace my life again to help me through one more time. See you later to the pit that I fell into one too many times. Your darkness shall be one I will remember to fear. Later alligator to the friends I lost and never will gain back. Thank you for teaching me lessons I never could’ve learned in a classroom. Sayonara to the boys I pretended to love and the shelter dogs who I did truly love. I’ll be seeing the both of you soon. Goodbye to my childhood, I haven’t completely left yet. But my foots already out the door. Goodbye to the extra weight on my shoulders, I am determined to let you go today. I want to mend my broken heart.

It's the lightest thing on my heavy heart, yet I can't seem to let it go.

It seems as if during this whole “growing up” ordeal I have lost something along the way. The most important thing, me. It’s been a gradual loss , one you don’t notice. It’s one you don’t miss until it’s too late. Almost as if you went to the grocery store to get a loaf of bread and you leave with a full basket, but no loaf of bread. I just forgot to remember to take care of myself.

His fingers trace my skin, and his laugh overtakes my soul. And then I hear your giggle and I see your red flaming hair. This is what you wanted, you wanted to taint my memories of him with you. You got your wish.

I’m up late again. I never thought I would be the one to write about you. It didn’t cross my mind that there is more than one type of heartbreak. Not until now, not until the pain of missing someone who truly was your other half sets in. This is real. These tears that I cry and the laughter that cracks through when I think about the irony of this whole situation. It’s real, it’s all real. This is what people call reality.

I'm searching for something in him I will never find in anyone but myself

You believe we are a “ You shook me all night long” kind of love. Where as I believe we are more of a “Tenerife sea”

I left the one I thought I would love forever. I became the one that broke their promise..