SERENDIPITY

the worst thing about comparing ourselves, is that we have such an ugly image of ourselves. you don’t see how many smiles you gave others, or the people who love you for being yourself. you don’t see how lovely you look when the sunlight hits your eyes, or your little accomplishments. you only see what you lack. you could be the prettiest garden and want to cry because another garden has different flowers. you could be the sweetest peach in the world and still hate yourself because you’re not a strawberry. you’re comparing the worst version of yourself to the best version of others. you don’t appreciate or see what you do have. it is a really toxic mindset where whatever you do, you will never be enough. you might think, i wish i was the prettiest, or smartest or most popular. but in reality, even if you were all those things, you will still find what you don’t have. it’s a never-ending thing, and comparisons will kill you. there are more important things in life to spend time on. why not spend the 86,400 seconds you have in every day to love yourself, see your worth and better yourself? why not draw or study hard or play a sport because you love it and it makes you happy, rather than be sad or lie in bed, just because there is someone else who did those things better, or earlier? why not love your beautiful features, because someone else’s beauty doesn’t take away yours (and you don’t know how many people have admired you too!) you don’t need to be the best. if you do something and you love it, that’s more than enough. if you feel good in your skin, and love yourself because peaches are as amazing as strawberries but in different ways, that’s more than enough. you don’t need other people in the picture. you are already more than enough. 

I feel so stupid sometimes because I fantasize too much about the people I like; I invent stories with them, I imagine entire days with them and how nice the future will be with pictures and letters and other tender things that makes a lot of sense in my mind. then the reality turn to be so much different and meaner and maybe the reason why it’s so difficult for me to accept it and letting people go it’s because I just want my future to be happy. in all my stories and castles I build inside of my mind, sadness just does not exist

your life matters more than being with people who don’t believe in you or make you feel unworthy. it doesn’t matter if leaving them makes things awkward, or you don’t know a good way to distance yourself; what matters is that you do it. there’s no easy way to stop spending time with people, and it will almost always be messy, but it will be worth it.

the sad thing is, everyone thinks they’re so forgettable, or they don’t mean anything to anyone. but you don’t see your high school friend, smiling to themselves, when they think about your quirks or how dramatic you used to be whenever you got a crush. you don’t see the person who saw you around a lot but was always too shy to talk to you. you don’t remember the person you helped, and maybe you didn’t do much for them, but you didn’t know that they were having a shitty month and you sparked their first real smile in weeks. you don’t see the person that secretly loved you too, who never forgot the soft words that you said, or the way you smiled whenever you saw them, or how you reminded them of sunshine and flowers; and how the thought of you pops into their mind more than you will ever know and in the randomest of places. you will never know that a soft song or strawberries or a sunset will remind someone of you. they will go to the beach and think of you for some reason, until they remember that the last time they saw a color as beautiful and as profound as the ocean was when they looked in your eyes. no one knows their impact on people, or their worth. no one thinks they will be missed when they leave, but they don’t know that once you go into someone’s life, even for a fleeting moment, you stay forever, and you take up a soft place that no one else could ever replace.

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