PenPaladin

So, your landlord/parents/home inspector/favorite movie star is dropping by, and your place is a disaster. You don’t have much time to clean it up. You’re in emergency mode. Let’s get started.

Don’t panic. Panic leads to fear, fear leads to procrastination, procrastination leads to the dark side. You can do this, but you have to stay calm.

Unlike maintenance cleaning, we’re not looking to completely unfuck one space at a time. Instead, we want to decrease the overall mess in stages, spread evenly across the whole area that we’re concerned about. If you think your home is at Level 10 filth, we want to bring the whole thing down to a Level 9, and then down from there. One really clean spot in an otherwise messy home is not going to be helpful here.

Get prepared. You’ll want to shut the computer down (or turn the modem off if you need your computer to play music). Trust me. Get your music going. Gather up trash bags, your vacuum and mop, some rags or paper towel, sponges, and other cleaning supplies. Use what you have on hand. Don’t get distracted running to the store and spending an hour browsing cleaning supplies. A multi-purpose cleaning concentrate or a jug of vinegar will be just fine.

Breaks are very important. Depending on your time constraints, work in 20/10s (20 minutes working, 10-minute break) or 45/15s. But take breaks because otherwise you’re marathoning, and marathon cleaning is no one’s friend. Keep hydrated, don’t forget to eat, and check in with yourself frequently to make sure you’re physically doing OK.

Make your bed. This will be your home base if you get overwhelmed or need somewhere clear to take a break.

Start with the garbage. Going from room to room, throw out anything that is obvious trash. Once you fill a bag, take it out. Repeat as many times as necessary.

Move on to dishes. Gather the dishes from all over your house and bring them to the kitchen. If you can, start them soaking in a sink of hot, soapy water or start loading the dishwasher. After the dishes are all in one place, spend one 20/10 getting started getting them under control.

Now it’s time for your flat surfaces. Countertops, tables, dresser tops, etc. Clear them off and wipe them down. Don’t get distracted in too much sorting and organizing. We’re in crisis mode here. There will be time to get in-depth once this is all done. The same applies to cabinets and closets. Unless you have reason to believe people will be opening closed doors, leave these alone for now.

Attack the floordrobe and shoe pile. Get your clothes either put away or in the hamper. Start a load of laundry if you need to, but keep in mind that laundry and dishes have three steps: wash, dry, and put it away, goddammit!

Get random stuff up off the floors. If something is trash-worthy, throw it away now rather than just move it around a bunch of times. Otherwise, put stuff where it belongs.

Take another 20/10 or 45/15 to catch up on more dishes, if needed.

Head into the bathroom. Pour some cleaner in the toilet bowl, fill the sink with hot water and cleaner, and either spray the tub and shower with cleaner, or fill the tub up with some hot water and add cleaner and let it soak. Put everything away that’s out and shouldn’t be, clean the mirror, counters, and toilet seat. Sweep or dry mop the floor. Wipe down the sink and tub/shower, and give the toilet bowl a scrub. Mop the floor.

Sweep and mop the kitchen floor.

Vacuum everything you can, and sweep everything you can’t.

Walk outside of your house (don’t lock yourself out, please). Walk back in and see what catches your eye first. Go and deal with that.

If you’re being inspected or your landlord is coming in for repairs, spend time on whatever area they’ll be focusing on.

Give the whole place one more once-over and pay attention to anything you’ve missed so far.

It’s an old trick, but if your place is a little funky-smelling, put a pan of water on the stove on low heat and add some citrus or cinnamon or vanilla. Don’t leave it unattended or forget about it.

Take a shower, put on something clean, and eat something.

You can do this. It’s overwhelming, yes, but it is not impossible. You just need to do it. You have a list. You have directions. You have a whole bunch of Internet strangers who have been there before and who are cheering you on. You can do this, but you need to get started.

What if he looses his job?

What if he has an accident/gets sick and can't work anymore?

What if he dies? (Father of a classmate of mine just randomly died, no warning, no nothing. He went to bed and just never woke up)

Then what?

What is your plan if his income falls away?

The Ottolenghi - it is vital that you use 1g of this very expensive ingredient. It comes from a 500g bag with a one-week shelf life.

The time machine - 15-minute recipe! First, leave to marinate overnight...

The dishwasher - one-pot recipe! Now decant your ingredients and wipe out your pot. And again. And again. And again.

The optimist - cook the onions until caramelised (2 minutes).

The kindergarten teacher - get one nommable little tree of broccoli and bosh that into boiling water. Delish!

The brand names only - ingredients: Ritz crackers, Philadelphia cheese, Cool Whip, orange Jell-o...

The 1950s palate - use one (1) clove of garlic and a small pinch of chili flakes (omit if preferred).

Also, Mr. Aldrin had an active military career before his astronaut days and i'd say he hasn't forgotten how to throw a damn good punch -- just look at his wide stance

10/10 well-deserved punch

additional info

at the time, Aldrin was 72 years old, 6 foot 2 inches, and 250 pounds. Sibel (the man he punched) was 37 years old

Sibel has made multiple "documentaries" about the moon landing being fake and has repeatedly harassed the astronauts involved, in this instance getting Aldrin to agree to the above meeting by pretending to be doing an interview on space for a Japanese children's television show

Buzz Aldrin's step-daughter was present, and in addition to being poked repeatedly and aggressively with a bible (Sibrel wanted him to swear on a bible that he went to the moon) Aldrin felt the man following them into the hotel refusing to leave them alone might pose a threat to her

i'm thinking extra hard about how we've ended up where we are, with trans kids at the center of so much hatred, because children are not seen as people with interiority or an ability to narrate their own experiences. we've decided it's alright to lock children up for horrible diagnoses that psychs throw around like they're nothing, to strip their autonomy completely and force them through humiliation, invasions of privacy, and endless torment by "professionals" whose power over every waking moment of their lives has no end. these things cannot be separated.

ya'll moots pls join

ts is NOT me but alr

WHO'S THAT AND WHY IS SHE PRETTY?!

Guys i do NOT look that good, trust

Though I am glad that there was an option tha was close to how my glasses actually look

Anyways the conclusion to draw here is that I am the lovable side character who gets killed in the second book (not in the first because I'm not completely stupid, but i won't survive through it all because I'm not that smart after all)

Trust

This is me

What can I say

I'm a bitch like that

Taggies :3

@localcelestialcreature62 @aurite-aj @phantombegruvia @ilovedesserts25 @mrecury42 @quantumm76 @fastfouriertransformer @welcome-listeners-to-night-vale @wethewatchers @questionableaardvark

WOAH (these aren't the clothes I wear, but I wish I had lol)

This is me?!?!?!?!? AAAAAAAAAA

I love him<3

@attheendhello @mrecury42 @humblefryingpan @h3adph0nez @rangerofthesouth @applepixls @randomfangirl32

@ moots!

...kinda looks like me...except my hair is..pink and purple and black and well I don't own this hoodie but now I really want to...

Open taaaagssss

@yourdarklordmelkor @pigsducksflowers @weird-trash-panda

i have strawberry earrings that look like this. they’re just little though :)

the eyebrows aren't that dark irl! and my moles are a little different obviously, my glasses too, but you get the whole picture! anyways, this was fun, thank you!

now just pretend the fangs are piercings and thats pretty much me. fun fact, im allergic to the sun and have Other health problems, making me the most pallid and corpse like guy you ever did see. no im not a vampire, the allegations are false, dont worry about it

I’m glad I could accurately depict how messy my hair is… it’s straight in the back and curly in the front lol. The clothes are also accurate, except for the dog pin. I do have some dog pins on my backpack though!