Rage book

That.. You do not wanna finish it.

I feel like it should be the type of book I only finish when I'm on my death bed.

So I'll go out happy..

She's my goals.

She's... Me. 😛

I wouldn't call this like poetry or story telling bc I'm just.. Writing out my thoughts.

But this is so much fun. It's like.. All the things I can't say out loud I can write down and I can come look at it later, reflect and all..

I've also started writing a physical diary!!

I'm using some cheap ass old school notebook bc I write so randomly that my shit takes up so much space.. I cannot buy a 4€ cute notebook just to have it full next week. That would simply be a waste. I can probably ask some for Christmas.. When do you guys start making your Christmas wishlist? I start it when I want something.. Rn I have like random ass stuff that aren't too expensive but also not cheap enough for me to even bother.

I know you are a man of honor.. But I don't know where to go, and I came here all alone..

No cuz how was I 42kg last year and now 48..

I blame the fact I'm not in school anymore!

School made it easy..

Help mee!!

Should I just.. Eat 1200 everyday? No binge days. No less days. Just 1200 for a year?

😅

Will I wake up tomorrow and regret this decision?

Probably.

Most likely.

No cuz I know I will.

This fat bitch can't keep her mouth shut.

Let's fricking go.

I can ristrict easier at home imo..

Now I'm going through like a.. Health phase so I wanna go sugarless for the next.. Month. And hopefully for the rest of my life! At least minimal sugar intake.

- From processed foods!! But also bananas. Idk I got beef with bananas bc they always make my macros go insane for only a half of it..😭

So yeah. Now I'm in my wellness health guru phase and yall gonna have to deal with that. Might make a wellness tumblr, but.. I can seem to even post on my other tumblr bc here is easier to just unravel since I consider ragebook my little.. Diary.

I don't need sugar.

I choose no sugar!!

But like.. Now I'll remember it..?

I was thinking hard about what numbers mean a lot to me and that would stick and ofc I couldn't put my birthday..!!

Then there it was.. My weight.

It's always on my mind..

Only I know the actual numbers.. It's not like I go around telling people (online or irl) what my ideal weight is and what was my highest weight at any point..

- And before any of my millions of fans try to hack me!! I'm broke. So if you managed to find my bank account..

Youd only get like 3.67€

I might just make this my new hobby!

(I think I have an eating disorder😅 )

But also like the only thing I did was eat more than usual and suddenly I think I should end it all..

I'm so dramatic but also like.. I'm so gonna isolate myself till school starts. I'm gonna get down to at least 45kg and if not? 🫩

Yeah bro idk what I'll even do..

Wanting to be skinny but having too many yummy snacks!!

Not knowing what aesthetic to take on next..

Having too many clothes..!

Having money but not knowing whta to spend it on..

Fear of being judged by others leading to being a perfectionist.

Having to spend money on broke friends..

Nowhere to put my money