(PRO ENDO, ANTI-RQ) it/its | programmed multi-origins DID polyplex | 1000+ headmates & fragments total across several sidesystems | main is polyporpoising
🌊 > hello, this is our plural blog. collectively, we will respond to the names Morgan or Polaris. our main blog is @polyporpoising, where we talk about being a cetacean
🌊 > we are a polyplex; currently, four sidesystems (with a combined number of ~1000 known podmates & fragments) are active, with two sparsystems of the largest sidesystem most consistently holding front on a seasonal basis
🌊 > we have programmed DID and will talk about it (not in detail) and our progress sometimes, as multiple of the active sidesystems are directly derived from it. we're also multi-origins (spiritual, aporine, and also two tulpas lol) and have adoptives; ie, headmates originally from other systems that got here via systemhopping.
(notable headmates, block-on-sight list, and tags below)
we are okay with answering questions on how programming affects us and our experiences trying to heal/manage OEA trauma on a case-by-case basis. we will not tell you if we think your experiences "count". please do not ask.
Notable podmates from...
🐬 The Old Guard > Carmen (commandant), Cordon (co-commandant), Summer (active co-host), Drowned!Halt, Watcher!Grian
❄️ Permafrost sparsystem > Smoke (host), Brown Fox (gatekeeper), Kinger (secondary gatekeeper), Cassandra, Oakley (passive co-host),
🐬 Softspace > Anti, Neocaridina, Feldspar
🐬 Dreadwood > King of Beasts (KOB), Knight Commander / General (KCG), The Witch / Mother (TWM), Bentley, Scooter
🐬 Other > Jasper / Jazz / Azzy, Snout / Kelsey / Kels (Oakley's tulpas)
🫧 Other info > We're intersex and physically disabled, and we have NPD, AsPD, and SZPD. We're also dyslexic and mildly hard of hearing, and occasionally experience psychotic episodes.
🫧 We block on sight > Anti-endos (including anti-spiritual & anti-created plurality); exclusionists; disbelieve OEA survivors; fakeclaimers (including reality checkers); pro-harassment &/or censorship; those who equate fictional tastes to real life morals; disbelieve in systemhopping/system travel or think it's inherently abusive; believe you can "transition to intersex"
We reserve the right to block for other unlisted reasons without warning
Tag list
#dolphin whistles - original posts
#pk;m [name] - podmate tags (eg, #pk;m Oakley, #pk;m KOB)
#no author - original posts without a specific author
#reblog - reblogs
#asks - asks!
#unknown tone - asks where we can't tell if it's hate or not
#hatemail - unambiguously hateful or negative asks
#ask games - ask games! both the original game post and asks from it
#tw [thing] - tw tag
#intro post - this post!
#blog upkeep - blog upkeep
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curse of being highly complex: when you say "hi, we have several 'sidesystems'/sisasystems [hemisystems with several sidesystems each, with some sidesystems having subsidiaries/sparsystems] that are nested inside each other", someone thinks you're talking about subsystems.
nope. completely different thing. i did not once mention subsystems, we are very specifically not talking about subsystems. we are talking about sidesystems nested within one another that, for that reason, we use a variety of different words for (hemisystem for our left and right hemisystems that designate "primarily programmed" and "primarily not programmed" (save for the Dogs and their underground architecture which is all on the right side for some reason), sidesystem for all of the sidesystems (obv) which are nested inside the hemisystems, and sparsystems for the subsidiaries of those sidesystems). none of these are subsystems [by our definition].
and if anyone tries to tell us "headmates can't die!", i will personally rip a new asshole into them. don't tell me "headmates can't die/it's impossible for headmates to die" while i'm still grieving the loss of my wife and two young kids.
okay so i’m going to get blocked by at least one person for this but the death penalty is inherently an unethical system, nobody deserves to die even if they’re a fascist or what have you. yes they are awful people, but they do not deserve death for it. they deserve help.
people do not deserve death. come the fuck on. i thought we were better than this.
i will not be debating this opinion. if you don’t like it, block me. disrespectfully, fuck you.
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"we can help Bile use its abilities as a semi-factive and former internal handler for good" has officially turned into "we can weaponize Bile's abilities against each other/our own executive dysfunction because our body will do whatever it says no matter what so long as all intention can be conveyed in one monosyllabic word like 'tea' or 'sleep' or 'stop'"
also now there's a new... area??? that we're currently calling The Ways Between (if you know the reference no you don't. lmao). in the center is a giant wizard/clock tower, the aboveground section is normal tower stuff but the underground section extends roughly Infinitely and. for some reason. is full of prison cells??? don't know why those would be necessary since we're solely reformative justice based but w/e the brain created this place not us.
and it basically just acts as a way to get between Permafrost's headspace and our gateway/otherworld (and Permafrost is now much more solidly connected to the Old Guard and we can communicate now. instead of being divided by structure we're moreso divided by space and time. which is cool and weird! this is also finally allowing Oakley to actually interact with the Old Guard, which it wasn't able to ever do as host because of structural things, and hadn't been able to do while in Sunswept and then Permafrost because of more structural things. but now it can be with its new parent and maaaybe talk to its crush that it's been pining over for literal Years because it couldn't talk to faer lmao)
it feels very strange to see Carmen cry. like zhe're normally so put together and stoic. i mean to be fair anyone would cry about this but it's like. woah
the most tolerable 1 of newfound sidesystem is 1 who believes RAMCOA was real but thinks otherworld is from RAMCOA. which still ignore our spiritual aspects but not outright deny experiences and relationship we have. was able 2 have conversation w/o 2 much irritation and said that none of them had real names really because everything just shouting constantly. "no need 4 names when you hate every1 & don't want any1 to call you by name in the 1st place".
wild to apparently have a sidesystem made up solely of anti-endos but it turns out they can't even agree with each other because on the one hand, there's the who think our RAMCOA never happened. one believes that most of our RAMCOA-derived headmates don't exist but everyone else does, another thinks that all of those headmates are "introjects" of some sort, another thinks that not even anyone in our otherworld is here (leaving us with less than 100 total headmates). they all believe that we're either trying to find reasons to "feel bad" or that psychosis is making us believe we underwent RAMCOA. at least one of them doesn't even think RAMCOA is real at all, let alone that it didn't happen to us.
and then there's the ones who believe our RAMCOA did happen. one of them thinks that all of our RAMCOA headmates are real and that all of our walk-ins are just from us having extraordinarily low "split tolerance" (we don't use "splitting" terminology), and everyone not part of our in the otherworld is the same. another thinks that our headmates are real, but everyone from the otherworld is an especially-elaborate NPC. another believes that all of the people from the otherworld were derived from our RAMCOA and are all programmed, and that everything in the otherworld is programmed to be the way it is (same as our other sidesystems), and everyone else is--once again--a consequence of low "split tolerance" (and/or fragments latching onto identities).
that's at least six headmates all in this one secluded sidesystem that's been giving us quiet thoughts and urges for Literal Fucking Years without ever revealing themselves. and they're split along these lines and the ones on each side hate each other. and there's animosity even within each side. because their literal only similarity otherwise is that they're anti-endo. and they're too trauma- and exclusionism-brained to see past their own worldview.
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i really do think that the plural community should learn more about experiences such as being aplatonic, being afamilial, and those spectrum of experiences. because systems shouldn't really be told that platonic and especially familial connections are necessary for a system to be functional and truly happy.
the fun part of being polyfragmented is i can go "man, we're struggling with calming our brain down to sleep, it would be nice if we had someone who fronted Specifically to make us sleep!" and the brain will here that and go "oh really? oh really now??? here you go" and suddenly there is a voice in your head that you've never heard before
doesn't have a name. only purpose is to get us sleep. will literally just say "no" over and over again if we try to think something (especially something that would keep us up longer). awesome
mini update: turns out this person was actually Bipedal Hyena In A Suit (now named Bile), repurposing its objectively harmful (even if it wasn't actually that hurtful by the time we finally learned about it) programming for something good. thank you Bile!
wondering if we could get gatekeepers to block off all memories of our ex. or otherwise convince the brain to shunt those memories out of us (general memory blocking, taking advantage of programming, breaking off a few fragments from our hivemind specifically to hold those memories?). they've caused too many problems, between breakdowns about how we were abused and "how could we ever feel safe around them?" and "why did we ever want them back in our life, we made a mistake ever letting them in ourl ife", to breakdowns about how much we (especially headmates from previous epochs) miss them and "maybe we should extend an olive branch, everything was our fault, we were the terrible one" and "we won't ever find someone who wants us like they did, and we made a mistake ever letting them go"
alas. probably not a good idea to start fucking with our memory (especially considering it's memories that are integral to a solid four-ish years of our life) when we have several prior engagements and have many people relying on us to be able to Not Forget Things at the moment. we also wouldn't even know where to start.
(would the better thing be to make peace with those memories and learn how to regulate ourselves better? sure, in theory, but that's much easier said than done, and for as long as contacting our ex is Technically Possible, attempting to do anything other than blocking the memories out and trying to forget they ever existed has significant risk of ending up with us getting into a bad situation.)
(really, the best feasible solution is to try and... compartmentalize those memories in some way. turn them "fictional". turn that "part of our life" into a story book of sorts, so our adoptives and everyone in us who had connections to them don't have to lose parts of themselves--those connections and that source are just... far more similar to the connections and sources of our other fictives, who--while certainly having experienced that life--haven't experienced that life in this world. or, really, it would be much more like my personal situation with my homeworld! i kind of remember it, and i now have a friend in-sys who can confirm that it was real (hi Bullydog), and it was my life, but it's not my current life, so i'm not completely broken up about the traumatic shit. a few would still be necessarily aware of the reality (namely, gatekeepers and those who aren't actually part of our brain and just live in the otherworld, since we can't very well just erase those folks' memories), but we'd be able to get on with our life.)
the fun part of being polyfragmented is i can go "man, we're struggling with calming our brain down to sleep, it would be nice if we had someone who fronted Specifically to make us sleep!" and the brain will here that and go "oh really? oh really now??? here you go" and suddenly there is a voice in your head that you've never heard before
doesn't have a name. only purpose is to get us sleep. will literally just say "no" over and over again if we try to think something (especially something that would keep us up longer). awesome
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the fun part of being polyfragmented is i can go "man, we're struggling with calming our brain down to sleep, it would be nice if we had someone who fronted Specifically to make us sleep!" and the brain will here that and go "oh really? oh really now??? here you go" and suddenly there is a voice in your head that you've never heard before
the problem with having DID is we keep forgetting things we already knew about ourselves. we can never come up with a complete and whole view of who and what we are because we just keep forgetting.
