Audrey | she/her | EST | only an adult in the legal sense | queer | send asks | has the attention span of a goldfish | occasional writer | dancer | loves music, reading, and sleep | definitely a mess | minor theater nerd | obsessed with books and movies and probably anything gay
Hello! Thanks for stopping by my humble little blog. Here’s a little guide to some of the things that can be found here. Always remember I love you all <3
Writing:
My Masterlist
all my writing can be found here, with descriptions of each fic. most of it is fic related to lumosinlove’s works, some wolfstar, and a few original works. if you can’t find something or the links are messed up, feel free to shoot me an ask
AO3
i don’t post everything here, mainly my multi-chapter fics as well as all the wolfstar ones. but feel free to check it out if you prefer the format!
AFTG Extra Content
yeah so i have no self control and took all the extra content and formatted it into one 290 page document. so that’s what this is. please enjoy the products of my hyperfixation
Mental Health:
List of links if you’re having a bad night
sites for distractions and simple activities. can confirm they really do help
Here’s links to two hotline lists: one and two.
please never be afraid to reach out for help
Daily reminders that you’re enough
one of my favorite blogs. there’s all sorts of encouragement on here
Alternatives to self harm
exactly what it sounds like. dozens of options to chose from. and always feel free to reach out to me too if you need
Anxiety hacks
a list of tricks and tips i’ve put together to help get through an anxiety or panic attack. these are what helps me, they may or may not be helpful to you. if anyone ever has any additions, feel free to send me an ask and i can add em
Neutral post
if you need help stopping in your scrolling, or just a little break from the chaos, come rest by the fire for a moment
Feel free to send in asks or requests. I’m super friendly and love hearing from you all, although I cannot promise quick responses. Have a good day y’all! xx
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That’s the only warning Ilya gets before a white medical looking mask is thrown at him. His quick instincts are the only thing to prevent it from hitting him in the face.
“Wear that if you go outside for the next few days.” Shane says it so casually as he continues on his path towards the kitchen, oblivious to the expression of bewilderment that Ilya is currently sending him.
“Are you telling me my breath stinks this bad?” Ilya asks, turning the mask over in his hands. N-95 is stamped on it but it does nothing to alleviate the confusion circling Ilya’s mind.
“No,” Shane scoffs from by the fridge. But he still doesn’t offer any explanation.
Rolling his eyes, Ilya pulls his feet up onto the couch so he can jump over the back, ignoring the noise of complaint from his boyfriend. Ilya waves the mask at Shane, “What is this?”
“A mask.”
“And you call me an asshole.” Ilya mutters, dropping the item onto the counter and pinching the bridge of his nose. “I know it is a mask, Shane. What I don’t know is why you threw it at me and demanded I wear it.”
“I didn’t demand.”
“Shane!”
“It’s fire season.” Shane shrugs, sipping his juice with nonchalance that is both incredibly attractive and incredibly frustrating.
“Not everyone grew up in woods in Canada, Shane. You need to explain.” Ilya should get an award for his patience towards the love of his life. Truly.
Shane gestures at the bay of windows in the cabin and Ilya’s eyes following, looking outside. “Those aren’t grey weather clouds, Ilya. That’s smoke.”
Ilya’s mouth drops, “What?”
He had woken up this morning and saw the overcast sky and thought it was simply a summer storm trying to make its way over. The smell of campfire he’d gotten a whiff of earlier hadn’t been anything suspicious because Canadian’s are notorious for campfires. Nevermind that Shane had no neighbours nearby for there to be anything to smell.
“Yeah. They said air quality is taking a turn for the worse, so best to wear a mask when you’re outside. Also, don’t open any windows or doors for too long. I’ve got good air purifiers in here so we should be okay.”
Shane sounds so calm when he says that. Ilya gapes at him.
“What?” Shane asks, shifting from one foot to the other. “It’s normal to have air purifiers!”
“The world is on fire and you are so calm!”
“Oh,” Shane huffs out a soft laugh, “Canada gets bad wildfires every summer. We got lucky last year — the fires started after you left to go back to Boston. They’re nasty this year though.”
“We are surrounded by trees!”
Shane shakes his head at Ilya’s outburst, “None are near us. I check the fire map daily. And we’d get a notification on our phones if we had to evacuate.”
Ilya actually thinks he’s going to pass out.
“Why the fuck do you people like living out here?!”
Shane smiles and walks over to Ilya, leaning in to kiss him on the cheek, “Canadians aren’t so weak now, are they?”
He pats Ilya on the chest and leaves him standing there in the kitchen, questioning every campfire Shane has lit.
people who definitely know that Hollander and/or Rozanov have A Thing With A Man (of variably certain identity):
various dentists
hotel housekeeping staff
the kid who works late shifts at the drugstore where Ilya buys condoms (often) and lube (less often)
cleaners and laundry service employees
a kid on vacation with his parents in Vegas bored out of his mind because he's 14 and not allowed in the bars or casinos at their hotel and he's really hitting the grumpy teenager phase so he's pissed at his parents because he wanted to go birdwatching in the desert and instead he's on the hotel roof at night pointing his sick-ass binoculars (which he bought himself with money he earned by mowing their neighbours' lawns for a year) at the surrounding buildings and oh look there's two people making out on that rooftop terrace—wait, isn't that the guy from the Rolex ads?
Janice at the grocery store closest to the Hollander cottages who knows damn well that "David's boy" doesn't eat Nutella
the Voyageurs' nutritionist knows Hollander is fucking someone working for the Bears because he might not log it as sex but even Hollander doesn't actually do extra cardio after a game
employee at an airport phone repair kiosk in Chicago who was checking Ilya’s battery specs when "Jane" texted him "If I win you suck my dick first"
one of the parents at Game Changers Hockey Camp who is a couple's counsellor and a bit too good at her job
Gerry (78) three doors down from the Hollanders who has lived in his house since he was born and has made it his solemn duty to know everything that goes on in his neighbourhood
the owner of the bespoke jeweller's shop once Shane Hollander purchases the second ring, which is identical to the first, and a plain gold chain
the apprentice of the bespoke jeweller's shop a week before that when he recognises the ring he watched his boss make for Shane Hollander sitting on Ilya Rozanov's bare chest in a post-game interview on TV
shane effortlessly defying ilya's internal self deprecation with the most blunt, heartstopping, to the point sincerity is such an important part of their dynamic to me
"but you know me, i'm lazy, so." "i don't know that side of you at all."
"is that what we are going to do? relax?" "i hope so. i would like to relax with you. for once."
"because you like to be bad." "hey, that's not what this is. you and me. maybe it was at first but, not now, and not for a long time."
to the point where it even usurps other peoples interpretations of ilya before he gets the chance to internalize them -
"but, you hate him." "no. i mean, i get that. but no. i love him."
and ilya has that exact same subtly gobsmacked expression every time he does it
Fouling in the MLH takes a steep decline the first year Shane & Ilya play together on the Centaurs, and they’re a bit confused why all their regular season games have been relatively un-physical. Then in one game against Toronto, some idiot (probably Dallas Kent) crosschecks Luca, and the Centaurs activate the Hollanov Power Play Special they’ve been training for all season and Toronto is swiftly, instantly, and absolutely fucked. Suddenly it becomes very clear why every team in the league is on their best behavior against Ottawa: because against Shane and Ilya’s power play, a foul will almost always cost you a fucking goal. That’s how insane their power play percentage is, and all the other teams can do is never give them a reason to be on the ice together. (Personally, the other Centaurs love this and go out of their way to draw fouls, just to see the immediate horror on the other team’s faces)
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post tlg some random asshole defenseman makes a shitty comment about shane taking it up the ass and shane looks at him, then at the scoreboard that shows the centaurs winning 6-1, then back down at him like "i dunno man i think one of us is getting fucked in the ass right now and it isn't me." and then that guy tries to fight him
"next time, log in faster with fingerprint/face/iris recognition!" how about i keep typing my password like i have for the past 25 years and you fuck off
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O'Knutzy Week 2026: Day Three! Some French summer sun for the Cubs :) Characters belong to @lumosinlove, fest is from @oknutzy-week-2026!
Italy (C1) | Solstice (B1)
“Remember Italy?”
Finn finished chasing a drip of vibrant orange down the side of his popsicle and nodded. “Which part?”
“The park.” Leo hadn’t even looked up from his book.
Of course Finn remembered the park. Rambling green within the confines of towering castle walls that dated back to the 15th century; enough shade to escape the lunchtime heat, but enough warmth that Leo could bask in the soft grass between bites of cheese and salami. Logan’s radiant delight when they turned the corner and uncovered his eyes, his pleased smile when they crossed the drawbridge over a dry moat, the lounge of his body while he surveyed the land around them like his own personal kingdom. Finn had barely been able to keep the old fortress secret for those morning hours.
“Loved that place, yeah.”
Leo turned a page, uncrossed his legs, and crossed them again in the opposite direction. “We should go back.”
“Missing the sun?”
There—a teasing dart of blue eyes over the edge of his sunglasses. Finn stretched out with a laugh and let the French heat beat down on his knees, etching more freckles over his pasty skin. A beachside sprawl of towels and half-broken umbrellas marked their territory. A dozen yards out, a volleyball went scampering off toward the water to a chorus of groans.
“I’m missing the—”
“Maman!”
“—cheese.” Leo held the edge of his page down at the next gust of wind. “And the—”
“MAMAN!”
“—architecture. Reg wants to go with us next time.”
“As long as he gets his own place.”
Leo chucked a shell at him, which Finn caught, laughing. “You like him.”
“I do, I do.” Another bit of popsicle attempted escape. Finn savored it, the sharp tang of fresh orange juice straight out of the freezer against this summer boil, and felt his toes pop as he worked them into the sand. “But,” he added. “I refuse to keep my hands to myself for the sake of his delicate sensibilities.”
“Control yourself, O’Hara.”
“Around you in your teeny-tiny, itty-bitty vacation shorts?” It was Finn’s turn to peer at him over his glasses. “Not a chance, Butter. Not a chance.”
More shouting from below; a squabble, loud gestures, something about the imaginary offsides line that left Sydney stomping back to her position with a vicious scowl. Twenty feet to his right, Finn watched Iva raise her wineglass at her children in acknowledgement and return to her shell-sorting.
“He’s thinking of bringing Harper.”
“He should.” Finn slurped a bit of juice off his hand and caught the glance of Leo’s eyes. “Better than staying in a hotel alone.”
“Finn…”
“I joke, I kid.”
“First Luke, now Reg…” Leo clicked his tongue. “Somebody doesn’t like to share.”
He did not. But Finn wasn’t about to give him the satisfaction of defining his very specific sharing parameters. He gave Leo a firm pat on his thigh, tilted into the light to collect sun-gold as a souvenir. Gold beside him, bronze ahead. Lots of bronze, actually—his own personal statue slapped the volleyball back over their net to immediate protests.
“What’s she saying?”
“Hmm? Oh.” Leo’s face scrunched slightly, listening. “Aubrey’s calling him a filthy cheater and sore loser. And—”
“MAMAN!”
“—uh, they wanted Iva to play ref, earlier. Which is obviously going super well.”
“Lo?”
“He just told Aubrey he was gonna kill her with a rock.”
“So he’s happy,” Finn finished, pushing his glasses up into his hair. He laid back with a sigh. “Perfect.”
Leo’s laugh made him smile. His hand was hot and sandy on Finn’s jaw in a quick scuff, thumb pushing at his dimple. “Hmm,” Leo sighed happily. “You’re scruffy.”
“Was thinking of shaving tonight, before dinner.”
“MENTEUSE! MENTEUSE! MENTEUSE!”
Leo’s fingertips trailed over his cheek. “Aw, but I like it.”
“I can keep it,” Finn offered, squinting up at him in the sun.
Leo examined him for a moment. “Tomorrow,” he decided. “Keep it for tonight.”
“You got plans, Knut?”
“Hush.”
Finn grinned at the blush on his cheeks. “Be-have.”
“I’m—” Leo smacked his glasses back down over his eyes. “Watch your show.”
“Who, Lo?”
“Yes.”
“My show,” Finn muttered, smiling. He wasn’t wrong. Well—Leo was rarely wrong. And he was also watching Logan, as evidenced by the extensive lifespan of page 117 and his fixed gaze that Finn could see through the side of his sunglasses.
He snuck a hand up under the leg of Leo’s swim shorts and gently pinched the underside of his thigh. Leo jumped with a yelping sort of sound, and whacked at him with his paperback. “Finn.”
“Back muscles.”
“I’m finishing this before you and spoiling it all.”
“Nah. You won’t.” Finn bit his lip at the softness of the back of Leo’s knee. Muscle and joints twitched under his touch. “Gonna give me subtitles?”
“I’m reading.”
As if. Even with his book fully spread open in front of his face, Finn saw him peeking. That was fine. Beach volleyball looked good on the Tremblays. The half-inflated ball and a torn net from their grandmother’s shed brought the whole thing together, a picture-perfect window into the last twenty-odd years of these visits. He was more than happy to watch Logan, season-strong, solstice-bronzed, lope around with three of his most favorite people in his most favorite place.
“D’you think Alex would let me use his espresso machine?”
Leo looked down at him, straw in his mouth. “Huh? Probably.”
“Like, could I borrow it?”
“Unlikely.”
“Really?” Finn frowned, and folded his hands behind his head. “Maybe we could grab it next time we visit.”
“Or we could just buy one,” Leo laughed.
“It doesn’t taste the same.”
Leo shook his head, setting his lemonade down in the sand. “You and Lo. Impossible. Ohhh, it’s not the same, ohhh, theirs is so much better, ohhhh, we can just borrow it real quick when we visit.”
“Older sibling seasoning is real,” Finn insisted.
“If my cousins ever stole half the shit you two have taken from your siblings, I would have fed them to a gator.”
Finn tsked. “They love us. And I miss good espresso. Italy spoiled me.”
Leo took another sip. His book was fully abandoned, resting beside him while he watched Aubrey and Noelle race the tide for the ball, shrieking as the water pulled back. Logan stood with his arms crossed by the side of the net and one hip tilted. Statue, indeed. “I think,” Leo said slowly. “That if you just told Alex he makes good coffee, he’d make you some when we visit.”
Finn waved his hand in the air. “He’d do that anyway.”
“Still.”
Logan looked back at them, one hand shading his eyes. He waved, then raised one thumb up in question. The two of them returned the gesture. The wet volleyball slammed into Logan’s back from behind with a plasticky shlorp he could hear across thirty feet of distance. Finn could see the red mark stretching across his shoulder blade when he turned and raced back into the Nice surf. He’d make sure to kiss it better later, scruff and all.
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I think a great way to improve communication with kids (and adults) is to make every yes or no question a this or that question.
I started doing it when after brain surgery my husband had trouble forming responses to questions for a while, and realized that the habit was helping my students engage more truthfully with me.
Some examples:
Yes/No: “Did you clean up your room like I told you?”
This/That: “Did you clean up already, or do you still need to do that?”
Yes/No: “Are you going to sit quietly?”
This/That: “Are you ready to sit and do our quiet activity, or do you need some time by yourself first?”
Yes/No: “Are you doing anything fun for your birthday?”
This/That: “Are you having a party on your birthday, or are you going to relax?”
I think many children (and adults!) are averse to telling adults “No,” especially when a command is implied. (“Did you clean your room?” “Are you going to sit quietly?” Hmmm if I say ‘no’ I will be in trouble with the adult.) So they are actually pretty likely to just lie and say what they think you want to hear.
Presenting a this or that question provides an alternative to lying, a ‘no, but’ scenario where they are presented with the reasonable consequences of a No (“if you’re not ready to sit quietly, you cannot do our quiet activity with us yet.”)
I find it useful professionally with adults too - "Did you have a chance to finish that project, or is it more of a next-week item?" When done sincerely (rather than passive-aggressively), it gets over rough ground lightly: it gives the other person a solution you clearly already find acceptable, so they don't have to flail around trying to defend/excuse themselves, they can just take the solution and everyone can move on.
