Peep Show Quotes

You're not just a man anymore, you are a man with a van. You get a van, Jez, we could be men with ven

Brown for first course, white for pudding. Brown's savoury, white's the treat. Of course I'm the one who's laughing because I actually love brown toast.

Sophie's mum: Come back soon

So what if I don't really love her. Charles didn't really love Diana and they were alright. Sort of.

Jez: What are you making?

If I don't think about it, there's always a chance it didn't happen.

If she's the one she's hiding it brilliantly.

I would literally stab a baby to do it.

Oh come on, she was my mum's aunt. I only met her about twice. It's not like she was Ian Curtis; she was never going to make a seminal album. She couldn't even make very good Christmas cake.

She must have run off (except she definitely hasn't because I'm carrying her around in this bag)

Maybe they're Johnson and Sophie wearing masks, and this is all being paid for by MTV and the Playboy channel!

I do sort of like it when he's rude to me. Hopefully that's more a psychological defect than a weird sexual thing.

Look at me, friends with a big black businessman like it's the most natural thing in the world!

I'm having an orgasm against my will! Oh God, she's stolen sex off me!

Oh yeah. Pissed and stoned in a gas-guzzler; this is the life. Already given a quid to Greenpeace this year so I'm golden.

Don't be alarmed, Mark. It's just Tai Chi.

Maybe he's on acid or watched a whole Jeremy Kyle.