blog announcement:
first of allā¦ iām alive! i really didnāt mean to abandon this account, but i also want to be candid about my relationship with it going forward. i know i donāt owe anyone an explanation for disappearing, but itās been weighing on me for a while and it would be nice to have some kind of closure, so here goes.Ā
why did i disappear? itās a bit of a long story. since starting this blog in 2016, iāve had an on-again off-again relationship with it, and with drawing in general, but what iāve noticed is that i would use it the most during periods of great stress. the pandemic, transitioning to college, seasonal depression, etc. it was my escape - it gave me a sense of community, a sense of control, a sense of identity. but often i was using it as an unhealthy coping mechanism to avoid dealing with my own issues. i donāt want to diminish the positives - iāve grown a lot as an artist thanks to yāallās support and encouragement, iāve met so many wonderful people who i still think of dearly even if we donāt talk like we used to, iāve found personal fulfillment in participating in such joyful and creative fandom spaces. but i also associate the times i was most active on here with the times i was the most unhappy. the fandoms that i used to love are now tarnished by the unhealthy hyperfixation i attached to them. and eventually, inevitably, it became too much.
after chilshi week in august of 2024 i didnāt draw for a year. partly because i had just started my senior year of undergrad and life got really busy. partly because i was scared if i started drawing again i would fall into the same unhealthy habits. partly because i felt guilty after avoiding it for so long. itās no secret that social media is bad for your mental health so i tried to just go cold turkey, only checking it every few weeks and it helped for a while. i missed drawing, but i didnāt trust my self control enough to try again. i didnāt know how to just create for myself.Ā
i still donāt, not really, but iām working on it. iāll draw my own recital posters while i work on my degree in music performance. iāll make doodles from dnd campaigns with my friends that no one else will understand the context of. iāll design covers for my most recent hobby, podficcing. i dont think iāll ever be able to stop drawing entirely, but for my own mental well being this blog will be on an indefinite hiatus. i know many of you probably followed me for my chilshi art from 2024 and iām thrilled to see that people are still engaging and connecting with it over a year later - iām not on here often anymore but i do see it and i appreciate it more than words can say. maybe one day iāll be able to revisit these characters, but for now iām content leaving them and that chapter of my life in the past
in other news, i created a new blog to promote my podfics @rosepods - podficcing was not on my bingo card for 2025 but i really enjoy it. itās a fun way to contribute to fandom that doesnāt require as much creative energy as writing or drawing. again, i wonāt be very active there, but i think the fresh start will be good for me and that way people who follow me here arenāt confused when they see byler podfics on their dash haha.Ā
for anyone still reading this, thanks for listening. thanks for supporting me all these years. thanks for everything <3Ā
