• Supposedly, Halloween is the one day of the year when the veil between the worlds of the living and the dead is the thinnest. • Or, Kun misses Ten, there’s no doubt about that. Kun’s learnt to live life without him, but there will always be a part of him that can’t quite seem to let go.

• also available on ao3

You make me feel like radio static and the fuzz at the edges of old TV screens. You colour my world in moon haze and light creaking through broken blinds. Every footstep by your side is an adventure.

 Kun misses Ten. There’s no doubt about that, it’s a simple fact. He misses his smile, his laugh, the way he held him, the way he looked at Kun. 

 Their story was simple but Kun thinks it must look sad all the same to others. He didn’t like to think of it that way, after all he knew Ten would die one day, he sat by his side through countless hospital visits, carried him up the stairs when he was too exhausted to walk himself, brushed the hair out of his face when the chemo filled Ten with every ounce of pain it could muster.

 Kun learnt to live life without Ten after being by his side for so long. And he’s okay, really. For a while he wasn’t, even when he said he was. He knew Sicheng saw through every single one of his facades but the younger let him be, he knew he needed time. Time is the greatest healer of them all. 

 It’s been two years now and Kun finally feels like he can breathe again. It took a few weeks, more like a few months, for Kun to truly say goodbye. All the days spent bundled under piles of blankets in bed, clutching at whatever piece of Ten he could find. Their apartment felt empty without Ten, void of joy and life. But Kun kept telling himself that one day he’d be okay, he’d find home again.

 Learning to do things without Ten was the hardest. Waking up in the morning and only making one cup of tea as opposed to two, only putting enough bread in the toaster for one, one toothbrush in the bathroom, one side of the bed untouched, grocery shopping for one. It was the small, mundane, mediocre, everyday things that were the hardest. But Kun got through it. Rather than making meals for one, he’d take leftovers or invite their friends over and all of them would drop what they were doing in a heartbeat to make sure Kun was, to make sure he is okay. He couldn’t have done it without them. All the grumbling when they tried to drag him out of bed or attempts at resisting Lucas’s puppy dog eyes to get him out of the flat or Chenle turning up unannounced to play him a new composition he’d learnt.

 Time passed, Kun learnt new things, he moved forward, took each day as it came. Kun began to breathe again.

 ༓࿇༓

 In all honesty, Kun feels stupid. He may as well of said bippity-boppity-boo and been done with it. But still he sits, curled up in his apartment at 10 pm on a Thursday night with a glass of wine in his hand (his second, he’d downed the first before he’d even managed to get out of the kitchen). It’s the expensive kind, the bottle of red he and Ten used to buy for special occasions– not date nights though (arguably a special occasion to Kun but Ten always countered that with a ‘I’d call all the time we spend together a special occasion, if we did that we’d end up broke by the end of the month’). 

 He wasn’t sure what to wear or how to do his hair, does anyone know you’re supposed to ‘look the part’ when you attempt to summon your dead boyfriend across the veil separating the dead and the living? It’s not exactly something he’s prepared to google. He still couldn’t believe he was doing this.

 Is this even going to work? Is Ten watching him from beyond the grave, laughing at how clueless he is?

  Does Ten even want to see him?

 The weirdest part of all is somehow not the actual trying to communicate with the dead, but that he’s actually listening to Yangyang. Of all people, he’s trusting Yangyang. Maybe that’s the first red flag that Kun has truly lost his marbles, but why not lose a few more while he’s at it, continue on whatever downward spiral you need to be on that you’re trying to contact those beyond the grave. He's really believing Yangyang that people can cross the veil between the living and the dead. 

 According to him, Yangyang had learnt about finding ways to get closer to the dead in his philosophy class (seriously, what were they being taught these days?) and decided to share it with Kun in the hopes it’d help him finally take that next step in moving on with his life. He'd spent hours going on and on about the veil between the worlds of the dead and the living, explaining what simply, sounded like nonsense to Kun, but had sparked his interest when he mentioned being able to see the loved ones you lost again. Kun had moved on, he didn’t shed tears day after day anymore, he hardly ever got two mugs out instead of one. He was doing well. But he couldn’t completely let go.

 He wasn’t sure he ever would, he doesn’t know how to exist in a world where he doesn’t love Ten.

 There’s still pieces of Ten filtering through their (he never calls it just ‘his’) apartment, miscellaneous nick-nacks Ten picked up from market stalls on their travels, unpaired earrings Ten seemed to leave all over the place, paintings hung on the walls with Ten’s small signature in the corner, Ten’s clothes still hung up, left completely untouched in their wardrobe.

  Kun’s really doing this, he’s really about to try and summon a ghost. 

 Before he does anything else, he swallows another large gulp of wine and then another, before lighting the candles. There’s a mix of lavender and a faint spice Kun never learnt the name of, those were always Ten’s favourite and that seems to be one of the things he hasn’t let go of yet, the scent still filling his apartment day by day. A subtle but potent reminder of Ten, of his presence. 

 The candles are lit, the glass of wine placed with wobbly hands on the table next to him. He closed his eyes, thinking that’d make some kind of difference. Kun mutters the words Yangyang had told him to, they’re something foreign, a language Kun doesn’t recognise. He thinks he must be going mad when he’s jolted out of his trance by a knock at his front door. He thinks it couldn’t be any more cliché, not that he’s actually expecting Ten to be there. In fact he’s fairly certain it’s going to be a drunk Xuxi crying about how beautiful Renjun looked in whatever costume he decided on for the party they were throwing tonight. 

 What he doesn’t expect is to be greeted with an all too familiar smile, an all too familiar person leaning against the door frame like it’s the most normal thing in the world.

 “Hello my love, aren’t you going to let me in?” There’s a smirk on his face and  god, Kun missed that smirk, Ten’s eyes sparkle as he lets out a slight laugh with it, Kun missed the way it makes his heart skip a beat. He’s never felt more alive in the last two years than he does right now, staring with his jaw hung low at his lover. His boyfriend, looking so lifelike. Kun thinks his mind must be playing tricks on him, he must’ve had more wine than he thought.

 Kun steps aside, holding the door open, watching intently as Ten walks through, standing in their  living room like he never left. Kun’s head spins a little, he sits down and tries to speak but no words come out.

 There’s a pause, a lul as neither of them knew what to say until Kun seems to be teaching himself how to talk again.

 “Holy shit. I didn’t think this would actually work,” Kun let out a breath he didn’t realise he was holding, somehow regaining the ability to speak again. “I never thought I’d see you again.”

 Kun feels a warm hand caress the side of his face and he looks into Ten’s eyes as Ten steps closer to where Kun’s seated, the same eyes he fell in love with all those years ago.

 “Oh Kun, my love, I miss you so much. You know I’m always watching over you.”

 “I can feel you touching me and I can touch you and oh my god- this feels so real. I love you, I love you, I love you. I never told you I loved you enough.”

 “Yes you did my love, you told me everyday, you still tell me every day.”

 “I love you, I never want to let go.”

 Ten sat down next to Kun, tangling himself in the pile of blankets, like he always used to. Kun watches him with a smile on his face that can only be described as fond and adoring.  

 “Kun-Kun, I’m sorry, this is going to end, I have to go back.”

 “I know, I know, just- just let me pretend for a little bit? Let me pretend like you never left and that I still get to wake up with you in my arms?” 

 “Okay love, I can do that for you.” Ten leans down, fidgeting a little so his head is resting against Kun’s chest, listening to his heartbeat. The gentle metronome grounding him. Kun’s hands move instinctively, one caressing the patch of exposed skin where Ten’s shirt has lifted slightly with his movement, the other running through Ten’s hair. And  god, it’s like he never went, his hair is still as fluffy as it had always been and there’s the faint scent of whatever spice it is from his shampoo, Kun never remembers the name, only that it’s not cinnamon. Ten always hated cinnamon, he would complain every Christmas about how it spoils gingerbread, begging Kun to make some specially for him, no cinnamon.  

 “You can’t waste all your love on me Kun,” Ten sighs, interrupting the silence they’d been basking in. “You’ve got the rest of your life ahead of you. Move on, fall in love with some pretty young thing and have the family you always wanted. You don’t deserve to be pining after me for years to come, you deserve to be happy. I want you to be happy.”

 Kun’s crying now, just a little, the tears rolling down his cheeks and dampening the collar of his shirt. It’s been a while since he last cried over Ten, it only makes him miss him more, despite the fact he can feel Ten’s weight on his lap.

 “Don’t worry about me anymore, Kun. I get to live the life where we get our happily ever after but for you, in this universe, you’ll end up happy with someone else. I promise you that and I promise you I’ll never stop loving you.”

 “I’ll never stop loving you either.”

 “I know my love, I know. But you can’t let that hold you back from falling in love with someone else. You deserve to be happy.”

 “But you’re the one Ten. I got my soulmate and you died and that’s the end of our story. I had my one chance at the whole ‘great big love story’.”

 “I’m only ‘the one’ until you find the next one. Trust me baby, I know more than you could ever imagine.”

 “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I couldn’t save you. I was supposed to be by your side, supposed to protect you and I- I couldn’t even keep you alive. I failed, I- I broke my promises.”

 “I’m happy Kun. I’m here, I’m alive in my own way. Here I am, sitting with you like nothing changed. I’m not in pain anymore. How is that failure, my love? You couldn’t change anything, I knew that before I met you.” Ten lent forward to press a soft kiss to his cheek, “I love you, I’ve always loved you. You took care of me even when I was at my worst. You gave me a light in a world I thought would be dark for the rest of my time on this godforsaken Earth.”

 “I’ll always ask for a little more time, I know you can’t give it to me but you know I love you. I will love you until the end of the earth.”

 “I love you too.”

 ༓࿇༓

 Kun wakes up to the harsh light of the morning sun filtering in through the cracks in the blinds. He has to crick his neck from sleeping on the sofa, he knows his back is going to hurt the moment he wakes up but it was worth it. They laughed, smiled and cried while they felt normal for a slither of time. Ten asking questions about Lucas and Renjun or if Chenle’s keeping up with his piano lessons from Kun. Kun wants to ask why Ten wants to know when Ten’s already admitted to watching over him, keeping tabs on their friends. Kun wants to ask why, why Ten came to see him again. He wants to ask how, he tries to resist the temptation. Kun doesn’t ask, he lets himself enjoy Ten’s company, while it lasts.

 He doesn’t know if it was real, he’ll never know if it’s real or just something he dreamed of in a way to cope with missing Ten. Kun will never know the truth but he prefers it that way. He smiles to himself, no matter what– Ten knows Kun loves him, Kun knows Ten loves him, wherever they may be, however far apart they are.

 Kun got to be an inch from heaven and for that he will be eternally grateful.

 Kun doesn't know how to live in a world where he doesn't love Ten, and he never will. 

 When he finds the motivation to get up and trudge into the kitchen there’s a post-it Kun doesn’t remember putting up;

• Johnny’s an author, celebrating his newest bestseller. Jaehyun’s trying to ‘find himself’ after years of feeling simply lost. They meet somewhere amongst the chaos of New York at christmas in a crowd of strangers. The rest is, as they say, is history.

Donghyuck learns more about himself and the meaning of having a soulmate–an idea he hadn't entertained before.

-> As always this is available on ao3 which I prefer to use for formatting, you can find that link here

Please don’t ever become a stranger who’s laugh I could recognise anywhere

"I think you know why I'm here."

It wasn't a question, there wasn't any doubt in his voice. He knew Donghyuck was well aware what his reasoning for being there was. Donghyuck wasn't stupid, nor was he.

“Maybe I do, maybe I don’t. Where's the fun in me answering right off the bat, Johnny ?”

Donghyuck took in his slightly disheveled appearance, giving him another once over before speaking again. "You better come inside, your mum would murder me if he knew you'd been sat out here in the cold and wet waiting for me," Donghyuck sighed, "Lord knows I don't need that on my conscience, nor do I feel like getting killed in my sleep any time in the next week."

Donghyuck's house was usually pretty eerie, it was always too quiet, no sibling's screaming at each other from across the hall, no clanging of pots and pans in the kitchen or the echo of the TV. Wildly different from his own home.

"I'm sorry to just show up like this but I didn't know what else to do."

"It's not a problem, what am I going to do anyway? Turn you away from my front door in this weather? I can be a bitch but I'm not heartless, Johnny.”

“I never said you were. I just wasn’t expecting you to actually let me inside, you seem to be shutting just about everyone out right now, both physically and metaphorically of course.”

Donghyuck shuffled around the kitchen, grabbing two mugs so he could make them some tea, it was the least he could do before he got berated for breaking Johnny’s brothers heart. Johnny just watched in a daze, trying to think through all the things he could say; neither Donghyuck nor Mark were aware of Johnny having witnessed heir argument, having watched as not just one, but two hearts shattered to pieces the moment Donghyuck had let out that first, strangled ‘I’m sorry’.

The two sat across from each other, in Donghyuck's far too clean and tidy living room to have even been lived in, hot chocolate's in hand and heating their only defense against the grim weather.

“Guess I like you too much to do that, plus you scare me slightly when you get into protective big brother mode.”

“You know protective big brother mode applies to you too, right? I’ve known  you longer than I’ve known Jisung, you’re just as much my brother as Jisungie or Mark.”

“But Mark or Jisung aren’t the ones who broke your little brothers heart. Or rather shattered it into oblivion and crushes all his hopes and dreams. I’m a horrible excuse for a human-being.”

“Don’t say that Hyuck, you can’t think its the be-all and end-all just because you don’t feel the same way about him, just because you don’t know how you feel or what you feel.”

Donghyuck ran his hands over his face and sighed, "Mark hates me Johnny, I didn't just break his heart - I clawed it out, stomped all over it and chucked it away like he meant nothing to me."

"He doesn't hate you, he could never hate you Haechannie."

Donghyuck scoffed, "And how would you know that?"

"Because that's the thing about soulmates. No one ever realises the true power of a soulmate until they find their own, even then it's practically impossible to explain. There isn't words to describe the pure devotion, that true love you feel, the way you'd do anything for them. Your soulmate isn't someone you give your life too, it's someone who completes you. Without them you'd smile a little less, cry a little more and be a little lonelier. They support you in life and you do the same, you work together, not alone. It's so beautiful. Whether they’re by your side, down the street, or the other side of the world–you’re connected."

"I still can't comprehend how much of a sap you've become."

It was Johnny's turn to scoff, "Come on, be serious with me here. It's just me and you, you know you can talk to me about anything. You don't have to talk about Mark or soulmates, you can talk about school, or applying to uni, or Red Velvet's latest comeback, you don't have to lie or fake anything to me. It’s me Donghyuck and I may not be your soulmate but I’m not going anywhere."

"Johnny, you don't have to do this. You don't have to act like you care... no one else does, not even my own parents. Save yourself the trouble and whatever obligation you feel to be here."

That was the thing about Donghyuck's parents, they just didn't really care. There was no 'I'm proud of you' when he brought his report home, or a genuine 'how was your day?'. The two lived and breathed their work and he would always be thankful for everything they had given him but he couldn't help the feeling of missing the attachment that the others around him had to their parents. He went home to an empty house, the place looked like something straight out of a catalog, not a shoe out of place. It didn't look lived in and it never felt like a home. He'd always spent more time at Mark's or Jaemin’s during his childhood especially, they were homes. Jaemin's always, without fail, smelt like home cooked food, it was warm and cozy with little traces of each member of the family filtering in to every room. Mark's on the other hand was arguably utter chaos , the usual smell of burnt food (Mark has been banned from the kitchen but that doesn't seem to stop him) or the vanilla scented candles his mother adores and insists on putting in every room no matter the weather.

If you asked Donghyuck to describe what a home felt like, whether he thought about it or not, he would inevitably end up describing the Lee's. There were pencil markings on the wall beside the inside of the office door, logging their heights every year since Johnny was four, his personal favourite is this past year when Jisung officially passed Mark in height - and yes, Mark is still bitter about it. Donghyuck likes the way he knows that the chips on the skirting board in the hallway and the dent in the wooden flooring is from when Johnny dropped a bottle of vodka at sixteen and it was his first experience witnessing someone use such colourful language. He likes the way he knows that the light on the fence at the bottom of the garden doesn't work because Jaemin had finally kicked a football into it one too many times and they still haven't gotten around to fixing it despite the fact it was almost five years ago. He liked the little nick nacks that had found their way onto any possible empty surface, random pictures of days out, school events and Polaroids of  evenings that are now slightly hazy in their memories but if the smiles on their faces are anything to go by it was enjoyable all the same.

Donghyuck liked the way Mark's bedroom screamed him the moment you walked in. Donghyuck's was plain and simple, aside from the pop art canvas print of Michael Jackson his mum had bought him to replace his 'ghastly' posters. Mark's room was filled with miscellaneous art and clutter he loved despite not having any meaning (it had meaning to him no matter how stupid- it always had meaning), from his giant poster of the periodic table (colour-coded and all), to the one of his favourite football team, the vintage band posters he'd put up to remind him of his dad, to ones of his favourite movies and video games. In all the years they've known each one another Donghyuck is pretty convinced he can count the number of times Marks bed has been made on one hand, his numerous blankets tossed haphazardly around. It was organised chaos, it made Hyuck feel safe and cosy, made him feel like he was home.

"You can't stop me from caring about you Donghyuck, that's not going to happen. I love you just like my brothers, you know that, you grew up just as much a part of the family as anyone else. You don't have to hide who you are Donghyuck, not to me."

"I don't know what to do, Johnny. I don't know where it all went wrong," Donghyuck's voice faltered, barely above a whisper. He let out a faint sob.

Johnny got up from his seat, wrapping his arms around the younger and pulling him into a tight hug as he let out sob after sob. Finally releasing all his built-up emotions.

"Shhh, don't worry Hyuck, I've got you okay. You're going to be just fine, I've got you."

It took a while but the younger had finally calmed down enough to speak again, hesitantly removing himself from Johnny's tight hold.

"So, what I got in between your sobs, Mark confessed but you haven't gotten your soulmate Mark so unless there's some sort of glitch, you and him aren't actually meant to be - wow, my whole life has been a lie if that's the case- and you think you may be 'kinda, sorta, maybe' gay?"

"Yeah that's about the most of it," Donghyuck huffed.

"Right. Honestly don't know where to start with unpacking all of that but you seem might need to talk your feelings out.”

“It feels like my whole life I’ve been told that Mark and I will end up being soulmates, no one ever thought we wouldn’t be. We just ignored it, kept living our lives as best friends and that let me ignore my feelings, ignore the fact that my parents would treat me the same as they did Taeyong if they knew I was gay, that I am gay.

I’ve grown up in a house that doesn’t believe you have to be with your soulmate, that doesn’t believe that there’s just one person out there for everyone. My parents not being with their soulmates made me think there wasn’t anything wrong with it, that people getting sick when they’re apart from their soulmate is some manufactured lie. I don’t know what to believe anymore. ”

“I watched my mum lose my dad Hyuck and whether it’s true or not, she wasn’t the same after. She wasn’t the same for a long time. That love she had for him had nowhere to go, it destroyed her. I don’t have anything against people who don’t date their soulmate, or people who go without ever so much as searching for them. I don’t think it's denying your soulmate that destroys you, it’s denying that love. Love is powerful and all-consuming and it makes you lose yourself for a little while but you always figure it out in the end. Whether you think Mark is your soulmate or not, if you truly care for him as something more than just your best friend, no one will stop you. Soulmates don’t resign you to loving one person.”

"I don't want to be with someone whose heart belongs to someone else. If Mark and I really aren’t soulmates, surely I’m just setting myself up for heartbreak? Just once, I want to be someone's first choice. I'm so sick of being second best all the time."

"Hyuck, you know that's not true. You know you're not second best, that's just stupid."

"Yes, I am. Sometimes it's subtle, like the way my parents finally let me enroll in dance classes or allowed me to dye my hair - but I realised that they were dealing with the fact Taeyong walked out by replacing him with me. I'm not really Mark's best friend, Renjun always will be, but we all know Mark would choose family above all else, you included. You and Ten defy all odds against your relationship because you truly believe in one another and the idea of soulmates. Chenle would find Jisung in every lifetime and Jaemin... Jaemin lives and breathes Renjun. Jaemin wouldn't let a soul so much as harm a hair on Renjun's head he is so in love with that boy. So, no Johnny, I'm not even second best, I'm a last resort to everyone, even my own parents."

Johnny paused, mouth opening and closing a of times while he tried to figure out what to say, "Your parents are really trying to replace him with you?"

"I don't know, it feels like they are. Sometimes they'll accidentally ask if he's coming home for tea or something equally mundane and the looks on their faces when they realise what they've just said... it's obvious they miss him but they won't do anything about it, they're too stubborn to care." Hyuck runs his hands over his face and lets out a deep breath,  "They only started letting me do all these things since Taeyong left. They couldn't stop him, he didn't listen, but I did and look where that got me. I'm a stranger in my own home and I have to hide who I really am. It’s like they hope that if they give me more freedom that I won’t turn out like Taeyong or ruin their little picture perfect family."

"I know you're angry right now, at me, at Mark, at your parents... at the world. But, I will always try my best to be there for you and if you need to get out of there please, please just come to ours. I can't stand that you still live there, you don't deserve to be in a place like that."

Johnny gave one of his heart-warming smiles, hugging Donghyuck again. “You are loved Haechannie, there are people who care about you, people who would risk the world for you and you just need to let yourself be open to the idea that someone can love you, for you. Don't be a stranger, stop hiding from the world and let yourself be you again. You didn't get the nickname Haechan for nothing.”

pairings: Kun x Ten, Johnny x Taeyong, Doyoung x Jaehyun, Mark x Donghyuck, Lucas x Renjun and small Hendery x Yangyang

note: I changed the pairings from the original ones slightly and apologies for that but I think the story will work a lot better now. Anyways, enjoy (:

“I do not need some six-foot, macho-man, babysitter, Kun. I think I’ve made it perfectly clear I can take care of myself and we both know I work better alone.”

“Ten, when I came over last night I found you crying on the sofa with an almost empty bottle of expensive white wine over Grey’s Anatomy. You cannot take care of yourself.”

“Derek died Kun, gone , dead , never coming back! He left Meredith alone, and she’s pregnant! Think of the babies! Anyone with a heart would find that upsetting.”

“Well, it’s a good thing I don’t have a heart then,” Kun tisked, “And seriously, what is your obsession with babies? Can you move on from that soon—you keep mentioning them around Taeyong and he keeps whining about how cute they are too. Babies are weird, squishy things, they are not cute . They cry and scream and you can’t just leave them to their own devices. It’s so irritating .”

“Jesus, you’re such a bitch. You’re my best friend and I love you but god Kun, you can be so mean . But we’re getting off topic—I don’t need a damn bodyguard!”

“He’s not some bodyguard or babysitter Ten, he’s going to be your partner —your equal, if you will.” Kun stood up from his seat and walked around his desk to lean against it, gaze firm and business face on. “The two of you will be working together . He happens to be extremely skilled in the combat side of things and yes, he is much taller than you and appearance-wise he seems more fitting to the role. And his looks match your work a little more than yours do. He’s ex-military, his file says a Navy SEAL if I recall correctly. He will make sure you stay out of trouble while you charm and flirt your way through missions. He will allow me to guarantee—or at least somewhat reassure—your safety.”