This Is Me.

New journal new me. It's time to make some changes. ❤️ wish me luck everyone

This is why I became a bartender, not for the money, not because it's easy, but because of the people, because I even thought I worked 9 hours, and was exhausted I stayed another 4 hours after my shift because a guy I had met once before, his mothers funeral was today. And he came up to have a few. He didn't deserve to be alone just thinking all night, instead he told me stories about his wife that died of cancer and why he's where he is and I had a good time with him. I didn't stay because I was making money. I didn't stay for extra tips. I stayed because of the connection I have with my customers. I stayed because it didn't matter what else I had going on tonight, this awesome guy didn't NEED me there, but if I could help him out and keep his mind of all that, just for a few minutes, it's worth it. I love my job. Which is more then most people can say.

Someone please.

What's so wrong with me that the guys I fall for don't even slip for me? Why do the guys that I don't want to fall for me tell me I'm perfect and confess their love? And why does the only guy that might have slight feelings for me, that I am in love with have to be such a big asshole that I can't even be with him... Yet I can't get over him... Why can't I have meaningless sex like everyone else... What's wrong with me that I can't even have sex with someone I have a crush on even though he obviously wants too... Is it because I'm just too afraid to get close? Maybe. Is it because I'm scared I'm going to be terrible at it and embarrass myself? Maybe. Is it because I just can't bare the thought of having sex with anyone besides the one guy I know I seriously shouldn't because he's terrible for me? I don't know... I just want to love and be loved like everyone else here.... I just want to be normal...

Someone come cuddle with me... And bring chocolate ...

Eyyyyy this is my baaabyyyyy, her name is any kitty and she's the best.