“You know anyone trying to get wife’d up for a couple months? I could shower them in gifts and shit then just forget Valentine’s Day exists, take her to Shake Shack or something casual and low key. I do, I’ll keep looking around.”

“look at you being all sweet, wanting the best for everyone. how cute.” xai smiled, looking the blonde up and down. “that sounded really snarky, i apologise. i didn’t mean it to. i appreciate your words a lot, babes.”

“honestly, i’m surprised i’m still living! spent all of the past few days drinking water and sleeping, i don’t even think i’ve eaten much because the thought of food is not the one right now.” at this point, delilah was mostly over her hangover but part of her was a little sensitive. “i expect i kissed him, i mean i haven’t had any angry tweets or phone calls yet which i’m sure would’ve happened if i hadn’t kissed him or lennox.”

he wanted to grasp petra’s hands in his so badly. the way that she blushed, the way her eyes just barely peeped out from the shelter of her hands, the way that she was clearly astonished by the compliment – it made caleb’s chest physically ache, even as he thought about it after the fact. her smile was irresistible, impossible not to mirror. he hadn’t forgotten the power of it, as even the print or digital version of it could elicit a similar reaction from him, but actually witnessing it was another matter entirely. he curled his hand into a loose fist so he wouldn’t give into the temptation and reach for her hands. her comment about in n out made him laugh, genuinely and deeply – he should’ve predicted that answer. he assumed the persona of ryan seacrest again. of course she recognized his impression; they were seamless together. six years hadn’t changed that, apparently. “ you heard it here first, folks… in n out is the meal of champions !!” in some other world, they would’ve gotten animal style burgers together on her first day as a full-time l.a. resident. they would’ve made each other laugh so hard that one of them nearly choked on a milkshake. it was a little bittersweet to consider how much could have been, but hearing her laugh was still sweet. caleb always loved drawing a chuckle out of someone, but when that someone was petra, it was so much sweeter. 

“ that’d probably be a good idea, ” he agreed hesitantly, knowing she was right. rest seemed like a foreign idea to him at that point, which didn’t seem healthy, but he found himself very reluctant to say goodbye. it seemed like their time together – from the tense and heart-aching moments to the easy and familiar ones – had flown by. caleb wanted to hear more of anything that she’d say, to know as much about her life now as he once had. his breath caught in his throat as petra’s gaze met his. the sincerity that was clear in her strikingly blue eyes made it all too easy for him to return the sentiment. “ i missed you, too. so much. ” the shy smile on his lips lit his whole face. with no small amount of difficulty, he rose to his feet, already disappointed when their eye contact broke as he gathered his suitcases. “ i’ll see you around, maybe ??” the words were casual, but hope lingered in them; he knew he wanted to see her again, but he didn’t want to push her. she had plenty of reason to make this a final goodbye. he half-turned, still smiling at her, before hesitating. “ can we say goodbye the way we used to ??” caleb asked tentatively, his fingers fiddling with the handle of one suitcase. “ please feel free to say no, if you don’t want to… ” to hug me, was the unspoken ending. they always used to say goodbye with a warm hug, no matter what the circumstances. but that was before, and this was now. 

petra’s laughter rang through the small lounge, her hand flying up to cover her mouth as she wasn’t expecting to laugh quite so hard around caleb in the present day. then again, he had always been the one person she could count on to make her laugh, no matter what she was feeling. sure, things had taken a turn when they’d stopped talking for longer than she wanted to think about, but that was made it all the more astonishing. even his silliest ryan seacrest impression made her laugh like the funniest stand up comedian had just delivered the set of their life. “you’re ridiculous,” she smiled, the words falling off her lips easily like she had been telling him how ridiculous and crazy he was for the last six years instead of receiving silence. she tucked a lock of hair behind her ear before letting her hand fall back to her lap. though she had been the one to bring up the fact that he probably wanted to get to his room, she was still disappointed to hear him agree. she knew he needed to get some rest. she did, too, and she hadn’t just traveled that day, but that didn’t mean she wanted to stop talking to him, to catch up and try to get back to what they used to be. she caught herself as those thoughts rose. just because he had apologized and told her he missed her didn’t mean he wanted things to go back to how they were. they were clearly back in each other’s lives now one way or another, both working with shine, and she’d take that if that was the least she was going to get.

petra becker’s top nine of 2018

now that they were having this conversation, finally reunited after six years apart, it startled him how much he remembered about petra’s mannerisms. her flushed cheeks were still as endearing as ever; and when she carded a hand through her hair, he couldn’t help but want to touch it himself. the last time that he’d seen her blush, they were both innocent and smitten, enjoying a night filled with silly stargazing and dancing without music and hopeful goodbyes. caleb clasped his hands together to fight off the desire to reach out and touch her again. “ cross my heart, ” he insisted solemnly, one hand performing the accompanying motion over his chest. “ i was in my agent’s lounge and the vs show was on the big tv, and you came down the runway –” he paused very briefly here, his mind involuntarily flashing back to how flustered he was, how he’d reached for the nearest water bottle and tried to remain casual as they all chatted about debut dates and pre-comeback press. of course, he’d known that she would be in it… but watching her strut down the catwalk – and her subsequently adorable reaction backstage – was a whole other matter. “ and one of the agents walked out and went, ‘ that girl is the second coming of claudia schiffer. ’” his slightly sheepish, but incredibly proud, smile made it clear that he agreed. 

between her achingly familiar laugh and her response to his slip of the tongue, he was a little giddy. with each moment that passed, his hope that they could truly rebuild their bond was mounting. their easy teasing, petra calling him a weirdo with that note of affection in her voice… caleb simply laughed in relief and joy. he usually didn’t believe in backtracking, or trying to regain what had been lost; carpe diem most often meant seizing the next opportunity and always moving forward. but he wouldn’t leave behind moments like these. not again. “ comfort is key. ” nodding, he considered how that was true in more ways than one. leaning forward, as if he had a secret to share with her, he added, “ but, y’know, you do have at least one fan, your very first fan, here today. ” he’d been there to enthusiastically cheer her on when she first got discovered, when she’d flown out to l.a. in those early days, and he just wished that he’d openly done the same for the past six years. right now would just have to do, though. he cleared his throat, tapping his chest with one hand. then, without hesitation, he slipped into his best impression of ryan seacrest – courtesy of all those years his family had watched american idol together. she’d heard this before, and he hoped that it would bring back happy memories rather than painful ones. “ tell us, petra becker, model extraordinaire, what is your workout regime ?? the people are dying to know !!” not missing a beat, he offered her a pretend microphone and leaned forward, as if they were on the red carpet and he was unbelievably eager to hear the answer. 

petra listened intently -- until he mentioned watching the victoria’s secret show this year. as proud as she was of having the opportunity to walk in such an enormous show, she buried her face in her hands at the thought of caleb watching that. a rush of thoughts raced through her mind, ranging from wondering if he’d liked what he’d seen to wishing he’d never seen it to begin with to dreaming about being able to show off her figure for him in private. regardless, it just made her blush even harder. she peeked through her fingers as caleb continued his story. her heart skipped a beat and it meant a lot to get that stamp of approval, both from an agent and, it seemed like, him, based on that smile she’d always adored. it hadn’t been lost on her why so many fans fawned over him when he had a smile like that, as much as she tried to ignore the media frenzy. “please tell her thank you for me,” she blushed, finally dropping her hands back to her lap and uncovering her face. “she probably doesn’t even remember saying that, but... that’s just crazy.” she shook her head in obvious disbelief at the whole scenario, though that reaction was quickly replaced by a genuine smile. maybe caleb hadn’t been there through the last six years, but he was right. he had been there since the very beginning and had supported her from the minute she had told him about being approached at the mall.

Azelin smiled along as Petra spoke about her family not being able to take breaks. She understood that feeling so much, it was unreal. Often times, she had to be the one to go home and visit her family because they could rarely take enough time off to make it out to California to visit her for more than a couple days. She was just thankful she had least had her brother who only lived a short drive away. “It’s not ideal.. I would’ve loved to be back in Nashville with them for the holidays.. but even if I wasn’t here, I would’ve been working, so at least with everybody here I won’t be lonely and spending the day totally alone,” the blonde chuckled softly and gave a small shrug. “Guess you and I can stick together – or just jump in on some family fun, somewhere. I’m sure someone’s family will gladly take in a couple girls left stranded for Christmas,” she laughed and rolled her eyes at herself. The dancer pursed her lips, trying to hold in another spout of laughter. “True… that’d be incredibly painful. Although, you could always just do upper body shots or face-only campaigns,” Azelin suggested as if were actually a good idea. “No, but seriously – have fun on the slopes! I’ll definitely come find you for some drunken fun later on.”

“i know but i just thought i’d remind you that you always have us!”

hearing her passionately defend animals made him grin; he hadn’t fully realized how much he missed simply talking to her until that night. she was slowly shedding her reservations, he could tell, and becoming more comfortable in the conversation. as a california-bred boy, he’d never really spent time around farm animals or learned how to care for them before meeting petra. everything and anything he knew about the topic, she’d taught him. this was her element, and he loved watching her in it. “ well, i know for a fact that you love them and they definitely love you. you even got this city boy to ride a horse, ” caleb quipped, raising his eyebrows playfully. that memory was a fond one – visiting her family’s farm, breathing in fresh air, enjoying a full day with her that was uninterrupted – it still brought a smile to his face. at first, he was somewhat bewildered by the bashful look on her face, but then he remembered his own reactions to seeing some of her projects for the first time. his own cheeks had been pretty pink, too; she was gorgeous, and there was no denying that. he tried to keep his cool. “ i’ve heard someone say that you’re the second coming of claudia schiffer, so you’ve earned it. ”

cal very nearly breathed a sigh of relief when she accepted his offer and made her own joke. just from knowing how kind petra was, he would’ve expected her to do the former – that was simply the kind of person she was – but her wisecrack signified that she probably really did mean it. amused, he deadpanned in response, “ oh, it’s very versatile. even if there’s a zombie apocalypse, a smoke signal will do the trick. ” for a moment, he was caught off guard by her question, his lips parted in surprise. and then, without warning, he burst into laughter. of course, in her own gentle way, she wouldn’t let him get away with a bullshit answer; he should’ve known better than to treat her the way he’d treat almost anyone else. she did know him well still. “ i missed you, ” he admitted casually, unable to realize what he was saying until he’d already said it. not allowing himself the time to get embarrassed, he added, “ really, though, it was what i needed. i was pretty burnt out going in. kinda weird that a lot of people already had an opinion of me, though. they almost couldn’t believe it when i told them i was there to just, like, be a college kid and read byron and take showers wearing flip flops. ” it was unsettling that, even on his very first day, many of the people he met openly viewed him with disgust, intrigue, or something in between. but he’d handled it in his usual way – with humor and a bit of charm, if necessary. curiosity in his eyes, he asked, “ have you had weird experiences with people who recognize you in l.a. ??” he was interested to hear how fan encounters were different in the world of modeling.

“and you weren’t half bad!” petra immediately smiled softly at the memory. she had been incredibly nervous for weeks leading up to his visit, expecting the doctors to change their minds at any moment and say it was too dangerous for him. she would’ve understood, but she would’ve been devastated. to show him where she had grown up far from the bustle of detroit and watch the joy in his eyes as he, even as a city boy, appreciated her animals and the serene rolling acres of land had been one of the greatest days of her life to date. she scratched the side of her face just to give herself an excuse to naturally hide as much of her blushing cheeks as she could before running her fingers through her blonde locks. caleb caught her attention - as if he didn’t already have it completely undivided - with the mention of the supermodel and she stared at him with wide eyes. “that’s absolutely insane,” she shook her head, “you’re either making it up or that person was talking about someone else.” it was still so strange to her that she had somehow made a career out of modeling. there was an unspoken side of her that felt like she was taking someone else’s more deserving spot because the whole thing had sort of just fallen into her lap, albeit with a few years of disappointment and professional rejection.