welcome to our first ever april fools special where i somehow understand what's going on better than usual. i also just found out it's jumper's birthday today but let's all pretend it's not a coincidence and i did this on purpose

i made custom skins for this tournament and i'll post a link to a google drive with all of them after they have all been seen for the first time which is after the last part of round 2 is posted!

i present, the first vote [a fraud duo parody of the first step by will wood and the tapeworms]

fraud, grant me the heart to not accept the polls i can fraud and change, the botting to change the polls i can, and the wisdom to know i can win

you could say im frauding, ‘cause i won the polls

i lost count after 1,000, in the tournament

we been a silly teamup, theyre callin’ us fraud duo, we cant lose any polls

with an frauder like me, who would need fair votes?

never mind, i won

well weve had enough frauding since the voting started

for an easy win for the wet cat tourney

i try to see the polls as for fun

but id probably just a-fraud that too!

polls for fun, id probably just fraud that too!

well, im the reason they frauding is fine

and i hope i dont fumble any polls tonight

well i bet that a frauding tournament so silly [would] be better than bitin’ the bullet and losing it, sorry if you vote

take my anxiety and give satiety, ill kill two birds with one botting

so if you see me, please just believe, i dont wanna be a sore loser

well weve had enough frauding since the voting started

for an easy win for the wet cat tourney

i try to see the polls as for fun

but id probably just a-fraud that too!

polls for fun, id probably just a-fraud that too!

not going down and im taking this win, yeah

im bringing the frauder to the poll

so bring me the bot of the one who beat me, yeah

so i can use it and get a little more, haha

well weve had enough frauding since the voting started

for an easy win for the wet cat tourney

i try to see the polls as for fun

even when im losing, for fun

i try to see the polls as for fun

but id probably just, AAAAAAAAAA! 

(polls for fun, id probably just  a-fraud that too!)

id probably just fraud that too

sorry i only have the confidence to do a will wood song. also this took forever

how long do you think this took for other people to realize. who do you think figured it out first. I think it would be so fun(read:horrible and angsty) if it were the guard friend(who I'll call Raymond for convenience). Like Evbo falls off the ladder in his house or something and takes the trip back down as an excuse to talk to Raymond and somehow Raymond goes "yeah, well, I don't really like people" and Evbo goes "oh well I'm not a person so that's fine lol". like he would not take this seriously he'd just joke about it and only realize how horrible a thought that is after Raymond establishes that it's really fucked up

When Evbo got to the iron sword level this time, he didn’t jump. He didn’t think he could. He had sat at the edge for a few minutes, trying to work up the nerve to stand. His breaths were deep and slow, and he tried not to move too much.

No dice. He was exhausted. Exhausted in a way he had never felt before.

It was preferable to the absolute fire that his entire lower half was in. Slowly, Evbo tried kicking out his legs. He hissed as the pain flared, and he carefully brought them back down. “Okay,” he whispered to himself. “Definitely a bad idea.”

He couldn’t just stay here, though. For as much as he wanted to slump over onto one of the columns and sleep, there was too much at stake. He had to find a way down to the golden sword level. Tabi was counting on him. Everyone in PVP Civilization was counting on him.

Taking another deep breath, Evbo closed his eyes and tipped over the edge.

He hit the water face first, eyes opening soon after impact. Ow ow ow. He didn’t know hitting water could hurt. That was just unfair.

Before he could run out of air, Evbo forced his legs to move towards the surface. He coughed a little, feeling his lungs burn. “Note to self: don’t do that again.”

Somehow, he managed to make himself float on his back. He tried to relax himself as much as possible, opting to focus his attention on the hole he just fell through. How many times had he made that exact drop? It had to have been close to fifty, at the very least.

With his mind still wandering, Evbo stayed in the pool for a second. Just a second, he told himself. It was cold, and the feeling of his clothes clinging to his skin was gross, but he felt better. The raging pain slowly died down to simple soreness.

He had to get out soon. Tabi was waiting for him, after all. But it wasn’t like she’d know if he was taking a long time. As long as he wasn’t seen by anyone else ranking up, it’d be fine.

He could rest here. Just for a little bit. - So here’s the thing: this started out slow. Unlike most things in Evbo’s life, in which he was either thrown into it or rushed into it himself. It crept up on him, like when he got sick from accidentally eating under-cooked food.

The pain all started with a simple throbbing in his back. A little above his tail bone, if he was being specific. Evbo had woken up from yet another failed attempt a little more disoriented than usual. He didn’t let that stop him from rolling out of bed.

He hissed as he stood, lower back stinging. Bump bump bump. Like a misplaced heartbeat. Evbo reached down and carefully touched the spot. It wasn’t tender, but as he pressed his fingers in it flared.

“Ow, ow!”

He had stood there for a second more, letting it die down before hitting his armor stand. Then he went through the motions once again. Stone sword, drop. Get escorted by his guard friend and make idle talk. Try not to think about the lack of reciprocation too much. Iron sword, drop. Check in with Tabi. Get not so subtly reminded that he needed to figure out the golden sword level.

Golden sword, drop. Die. Respawn.

The cycle was so ingrained in his head that Evbo didn’t think about anything else too often. The only room he left was for his video journal, noting down everything he had already tried so that he didn’t forget. He didn’t have time for anything else.

He didn’t have time to wonder about why the dull throb in his back was getting worse, or why it seemed to spread to his hips. Why his failed landings seemed more painful, why his legs spasmed when he thought about the drop. Why it seemed to take just a little more effort getting out of bed, or hitting his armor stand, or any of the other activities he did so often without end.

Evbo didn’t think about it at all, which was probably why it bit him in the ass so hard. - [note: there was supposed to be more to the beginning of this but i never wrote it lol]

Tabi looked conflicted, which, you know, wasn’t exactly new. She always looked conflicted when she talked to Evbo, like she had bitten into a poisonous potato. But this time she really seemed to be wondering about something.

Had he said something wrong? He hoped it wasn’t too bad. He didn’t know the first thing about being a friend, but you weren’t supposed to make your friends upset. Right?

“Are you… do you know what a period is?”

Evbo paused. He stared. And he stared.

“…what’s that?”

The tension in her face immediately went away. “Oh thank god,” she said under the breath, and was he supposed to be offended by that? He should’ve been, he thinks.

Tabi doesn’t give him a chance to respond. “And you’re sure you’re not bleeding? You could’ve missed it, considering that you’re you.”

The jab barely stung at this point. Evbo snorted. “I think I’d know if I was bleeding.”

“That makes my life easier.”

Evbo shifted from where he was on the floor, moving so that his lower back wasn’t right up against the wall. It felt like a tight pressure was released from his pelvis. The pain was still there, but it was a little bit more bearable now.

“So… let me get this straight. Everything from the waist down hurts?”

“Yeah? Mostly in my legs, but it’s not like my hips are doing any better.”

“And this started a few deaths ago?”

More like too many. “Uh… I think?”

Tabi shook her head. “Then why did you keep trying to jump down to the gold level?”

Evbo straightened himself up, for once semi-successfully ignoring the pain. His face burned with embarrassment, though he’d never admit that. “We need to get out of here! I can’t stop just because I ache a little!”

"You can barely stand right now.”

“Yes, I can.”

Tabi crossed her arms. She didn’t say anything, but Evbo got the message clear enough. Go on. Show me.

Taking a deep breath, he bent his knees, planting his feet on the ground. Then he pushed himself up. Evbo grinned. See? I told you.

“Anyway, it was nice talking with you, but I hear my video journal machine calling.”

Tabi wrinkled her nose, but she didn’t say anything about it. They were finally making some progress!

“Just… get some rest before you attempt the jump again.”

“I’ll be fine.” Evbo made his way over to her door, unsheathing his sword and hitting the armor stand. “I love that you’re worrying about me, but it’s really not needed. It’s not like-“

He stopped himself. Not like what? What was he about to say?

it’s not like you’ve cared before

“…yeah, well, you’re my partner. Anything happens to you and I’m stuck here.”

“Aw, so you do love me!”

“Get out.” - Once he laid down, Evbo found it hard to want to get up.

He couldn’t even make it to his bed. The climb up to his PVP mansion was like what he imagined swimming upwards felt like. As soon as his door closed, he made a few steps towards it before deciding that the extra effort wasn’t worth it. So he laid on the floor, the cold hardness somehow comforting.

Carefully, he rolled over onto his back. He let out his breath nice and slow, imagining himself deflating. This was nice, all things considered. His pool was nice too, but the subtle movements always made it hard to truly relax. The floor was solid. With all of his falling lately, he kinda hated moving around.

Maybe he could take a nap. Tabi did say he should get some rest. It wouldn’t be as comfortable as his bed, but he couldn’t find it in himself to care. At least then his pain would be self-inflicted.

Evbo yawned.

Yeah, a nap was a good idea. - “…vbo. Evbo!”

Evbo groaned. Something was shaking him. Wait, no, that was someone. That was a hand on his shoulder.

(both green and red versions for good measure)

idk what color eyes and stuff so i just guessed :,)