* / 𝐢 𝐝𝐨𝐧'𝐭 𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫

never   in   his   life   did   he   predict   he’d   become   this   guy   ,      a   guy   so   malleable   that   it   was   near-embarrassing            –––               he’d   sailed   through   high   school   ,      never   getting   attached   to   anyone   that   may   have   tickled   his   fancy   ,      not   for   longer   than   a   couple   of   weeks   at   least   .      what   changed   ?      where   did   he   begin   to   become   so   pathetic   ?      tries   to   block   out   the   sound   of   his   own   voice   ,      as   if   brain   can’t   handle   hearing   him   back   down   over   and   over   again   ,      become   a   doormat   to   his   own   home   .      glances   down   at   item   shoved   against   sternum   ,      makes   no   move   to   grab   it   ,      even   if   the   furious   gnawing   in   his   abdomen   urged   him   to   ,      it   attempted   to   coax   him   into   breaking   .      snapping   .      had   always   been   known   for   his   temper   ,      foul   reputation   from   the   time   he’d   turned   thirteen   ,      spent   his   summers   wrestling   with   his   brothers   on   the   scrubland   behind   their   home   ,      shouldn’t   be   spending   early   twenties   fretting   over   a   girl   .      not   one   from   an   entirely   different   planet   to   he   .      mere   presence   made   him   into   this   soft   ,      forgiving   pushover   .         disgusted   with   own   lacklustre   attempts   at   calling   time   on   this   .   .   .   entanglement   .            ‘   just   for   tonight   ,   ’      he   repeats   ,      slow   ,      as   if   tongue   had   to   push   through   molasses   to   form   each   and   every   syllable   ,      ‘   it’s   always   just   for   tonight   ,      isn’t   it   ?      fuck   .      this   is   crazy   ,      you   have   so   little   respect   for   me   that   you   actually   have   the   nerve   ,      the   audacity   to   show   up   ,      again   and   again   and   make   me   do   as   you   please   .   ’      tongue   feels   incapable   of   curling   around   syllables   that   are   anything   but   bitter   ,      he’s   sick   and   tired   of   being   abandoned   whenever   the   wind   changes   .      needs   consistency   ,      knows   that   .      also   knows   she’ll   never   offer   him   that   ,      he’d   never   been   a   relationship   kind   of   man   until   this   point   ,      yet   he’s   near   begged   for   one   with   her   .      needs   to   find   his   footing   again   ,      yearns   to   be   the   person   he   was   before   he’d   ever   encountered   femme   ,      not   sure   how   to   undo   all   of   the   damage   had   already   put   self   through            ––            ‘      you’ll   be   gone   come   morning   anyway   ,      so   i   guess   you   can   stay   .   ’      weak   .

doesn’t   get   out   ,      remains   firmly   seated   in   the   vehicle   ,      tries   not   to   watch   him   as   he   approaches   ,      but   it   isn’t   easy   .      it’s   so   familiar   ,      seeing   him   head   for   her   car   ,      luckily   he   breaks   the   silence   rather   rapidly   ,      gives   her   a   chance   to   swallow   down   around   obstruction   that   had   formed   in   the   depths   of   her   throat   .   ‘   i   was   waiting   on   a   call   ,      and   who   doesn’t   answer   random   numbers   ?   .   .   .      pretty   sure   someone   is   much   more   likely   to   be   trafficked   by   barely   remaining   upright   underneath   a   tree   ,      but   hey   ,      you   seem   like   the   expert   on   the   topic   .   ’      brow   quirks   at   compliment   ,      wasn’t   tempted   to   return   it   however   ,      he   had   an   out   ,      alcohol   coursing   through   veins   ,      she   didn’t            ––               a   compliment   made   sober   had   no   excuse   .         ‘      oh   you   definitely   did   ,      was   mid-fuck   when   you   called   ,      but   i   just   felt   this   urge   to   answer   the   call   ,      almost   as   if   i   knew   it   was   you   ,      so   i   climbed   off   him   and   hurried   to   grab   my   phone   ,   ’      blonde   muses   ,      tone   is   dry   ,      uncomfortable   at   the   fact   he’d   bring   up   dating   .      it   had   been   such   a   sore   subject   in   the   past   ,      so   sarcasm   seemed   safest   .      ‘   put   your   seat   belt   on   ,   '      blonde   insists   ,      returns   gaze   to   the   street   as   she   pulls   away   from   the   curbside   ,      knows   the   way   to   his   ,      but   she’s   tempted   to   ask   ,      if   only   to   appear   like   she’s   moved   on   ,      put   so   much   distance   between   them   that   route   to   his   home   has   dropped   out   of   her   skull   .      ‘   you   might   have   to   remind   me   where   to   turn   off   .'