even now that her chemo is over and shes cancer free, she still has health issues. Like i didnt tell anybody at work literally I got the job late November than then in january, she was starting

im sorry some fuckass customer and some coworkers perceived a moment where I was probably more antsy and neurotic as panic/anxiety attack and it made them uncomfortable. but maybe youre gonna be fucked up in the nerves when your mom is barely able to eat, in evident pain, and going thro chemo side effects in front of you.

Meanwhile, none of your immediate family who claims they love you even check up on you and you right next to them. All this shit going on while you're tryna learn and get comfortable in a new job where you dont know what tf youre doing

I didn't even think me maybe being a bit more highstrung would be perceived as that.

in the moment, nobody even said shit to me. So I didnt know they thought that. this shit happened a month ago and im just hearing about it.

ima keep denying that it was a panic attack bc it wasnt. if they ask again, ill be like "yeah i mean maybe it was me having a bad day bc my mom's been going through health complications and still is lowkey. I apologize, i didnt know i was coming off like that"

im just so defeated dawg

yes, my supervisor made it clear that theyd do anything they could to accommodate me if I did have anxiety, but the thing is that I really only started getting terrible nerves when my mom went through chemo again. my life and my energy level was great in November - December. Then it all fell apart,

im going through some real life shit and tryna hold down my fulltime job and do whats required of me there. I didnt know mfs even considered me having a panic attack bc my panic attacks dont look like that.

im sure that on whatever day shit actually did happen on, my mom was probably going in to get a update from the doctors.

im tired and exhausted of this fucking bullshit life im having rn. ive been dealing w some really traumatic and scary shit alone. my adoptive father literally has never once even tried to talk to me about it, gave me any encouragement or comforted me. mf dgaf lowkey. my adoptive siblings never checkd up on me.

I was dealing w so much stress and bullshit alone and I wasn't always perfect but for the 3 times this year I did slip enough to notice, theres 97 times nobody knew what tf I was going through.

Like what the fuck should I do? Do I email/speak to my supervisor and be like

"hey thanks for letting me know. I personally wasn't feeling panicked in those moments, but I have watched my mom go through chemo and her health decline and I was probably just a bit more on edge that day." Or some shit.

I was like "I don't have panic attacks lol i didnt perceive myself as coming off like that". Bc genuinely I don't.

I think that people are perceiving me process in real time a very real trauma as anxiety or a panic attack, but it's not.

I don't even remember feeling like that on that day. Have I been barely keeping it together for the last year bc of my mom's chemo? Yes.

Has that given me days where my nerves were a lil worst bc nobody around me has really helped a bitch out? Yes.

Should I have been like "i didnt think of myself as having a panic attack but my mom has been going through chemo again so seeing her deteriorate means i sometimes have bad days".

Bc I wasn't dealing with this until this year when she went through chemo again. Like I was genuinely more relaxed and easygoing intil this event.

I don't understand why they so weird about me wanting to move to a city and make something of my life.

Like the Sith Order as it existed during the Reconstituted Sith Empire was a group project.

Let's say youre a lil Sith Pureblood / human / whatever tf else alien child with a skill at/passion for computers and you force sensitive.

Well, you can join the Sith Order, and if you pay the game right you might end up later on in life being on the Dark Council and overseeing the Sphere of Technology. So you rule that field in the whole Sith Empire. You the boss bitch who decides what everybody else does.

If you're that same kid born into the Galactic Empire, you get tortured into being a Inquisitor and have to deal with Vader and Sidious' bullshit all day. Your natural talent for shit other than the Force and Lightsabers is completely neglected.

That shit trash.

Nobody wanna deal with that shit so you've immediately lost the next generation of mfs. Even if Vader did end up defeating Sidious, how the fuck would he continue the Rule of Two when nobody wants to show they got potential?

Bane's Order worked off exclusion and the Sith Order worked on inclusion.

If you a lil kid in the Sith Empire, and you look up to Darth Marr for instance, you very well could be like him one day. When Darth Marr is like "hey, children of Dromund Kaas, listen to your parents and teachers and you might be like me some day. Be a good Imperial citizen." You gon sit tf down and listen bc he ain't lying.

If you a lil kid in the Galactic Empire, you really only have Vader. And you will never be allowed to ever even learn the Jedi and Sith skills he did. Vader dont have swag, dont have drip. He's a ruthless brooding enforcer

Yes, the RSE Sith Order is fucked up, blah blah but at least it has a community. This is why nobody in the Sith Empire is rebelling, the tenets of the Sith Code are baked into their society bc it's not a secret cult.

Like duh everybody in the Reconstituted Sith Empire probably knows the Sith Code bc it's a civilization wide mantra.

Duh, the Sith Empire is flourishing with a high midichorlian bc everybody fucking or tryna fuck a Sith Order mf.

Imagine you a bad bitch in the club on Kaas City, Dromund Kaas, you see Darth Malgus/Darth Vindican/Darth whoever tf (pick one), the music blaring and you two fw each other heavy. Then boom yall fuck, and now you pregnant with his baby.

You a Sith Lord's baby mama, you not getting rid of that kid at all bc you probably getting child support (maybe) and yall future kid will probably join the Sith Order too and that gets your benefits up.