یوه ژبه هیڅ کله بس نده

I'm so very happy... And so unspeakably sad. I smile all day until my face hurts, and grind my teeth relentlessly at night.

Was she empowered by awareness- or victimized by it?

I feel disconnected :/ 

Changed my mind. I have this irrational discomfort when I’m not productive so I’ve pulled in my colorful markers into my bed and I’ll scribble and doodle if I have to...

Feeling very icky today. For once, I had a lot of free hours after work, but I was so exhausted from cramps that I couldn’t do any of the things I would have liked to do. I’ve just been in bed all day, unable to write or be productive. I hate these kinds of days... And I weirdly miss my Dad :/ I picture him offering to run and get me something soothing, but picking up the wrong flavor-- something that I liked years ago, like chocolate-- and the thought of that makes me smile... 

If you roll with me, you’ll most likely become a fashionista. Boy didn’t know who Marc Jacobs was a few weeks ago, and now he’s rocking fancy vests, Rudsak shoes, and is eyeing a Zara jacket. He is also now obsessed with his hair. Too good.

I need to start singing my old songs again or I'll go crazy. Might have to splurge on a real recording microphone... Sigh

An unexpectedly traumatic evening in which I cried buckets and buckets of tears. I forgot what heavy sobbing felt like. I suppose almost all traumatic moments are unexpected though.

I don’t think anything is left of myself. I’ve changed too much in the last few months. I can’t decide if I should cling to my former tendencies or if I should let this change carry on… I don’t feel much guilt, so I think this is positive transition. As always, there is emptiness that lingers.