You're alive, you're alive in my head

"I mean is a man crush or is just a crush? I'm a very sexually liberated man, Parker. I read. I watch tik toks," he informed her with a grin. Now wouldn't that have been a plot twist? A Los Santos member and Sons member having an affair? He was sure someone somewhere in town was writing that fanfiction right now. He laughed and shook his head. "Neither am I. I already ran into an ex and fucked things up with a fling I was having and I've barely been here a minute so. I'm good, just looking for fun, you know me. All play and sometimes business," he joked though it was furthest from the truth. He loved to joke but when it came down to it, his purpose was whatever Alejandra and the Santos wanted it to be. And if he was honest with himself, that was probably a lot easier than making decisions on his own anyway.

Parker rolled her eyes in mock annoyance, “Ah yes TikTok the sexually liberated app of the century! Also I mean… you’re a man… you have a crush… man crush. My point is still valid!” She laughed as she pulled her hair out from under her jacket, pausing briefly to raise an eyebrow at him, “Already? Just like… you were walking and poof there they were?” There was a funny but not haha funny, knowledge in knowing she’d never have that problem. “Ah yes because ‘all work, no play, makes Jack a dull boy.’”

"Ah you mean that fit blonde lady who looks like she could probably cut a dude? Yeah I met her. She's hot. And I don't say that about a lot of Sons. Except maybe Cole, killer jaw and eyes," he added with a wink to let her know that although they avoided it, he knew what was up. And it wasn't his place to judge or feel any kind of way. He just never wanted any of it to complicate their relationship. Parker was one of the few people who had gotten a glimpse of him before he had become fully indoctrinated into the Los Bandoleros way of life. He appreciated that and took any chance he had with her to just be...at ease. For a moment pretend that they were just regular people in a regular town going about the monotony and simplicity of their days. "She seeing anybody? Might have to hit her up," he added with another grin.

Parker rose her eyebrows at his words, "She can by the way, and don't worry I won't tell Cole about your big ol' man crush on him." There were times when Parker knew that life would be easier if they could openly talk about things. That being said, it was nice to have someone in her life that could feel just like a friend. And not someone else caught up in world of gangs, guns and drugs. Even if it was a false feeling and they were both so deep there seemed like no way out. Not that she really wanted out, the Sons were her family, but that outlet was always nice. "Not that I know off..." Parker knows Blake can take care of herself, knows better than most people, she's sure. "As long as you aren't looking for a relationship... she doesn't really do those anymore."

Alex never minded talking and listening to someone. Sure, it was his job to do so but that didn’t mean anything. Therapist Alex and Friend Alex were two different people. Though, sometimes, yes, they did mix and mingle. But Parker was his friend. He wanted to make sure she was okay and he from her words, she wasn’t. What kind of a friend would he be if just let her suffer in her own mind? The answer was simple: he wouldn’t be one. Pulling the masquerade mask off, he set it down softly onto the table and leaned back into his seat, listening as she spoke.

Parker has never been afraid of Tonopah or the gangs that ran the streets. She’d grown up surrounded by them. Had, at one point, been ready to pledge her life to the Sons. Jackson’s death had ripped her apart at the seams and she’d been unable to find it in herself to continue down that path without him, the pain of it too much to handle. There was no part of her that had ever been afraid the violence or possibility of death… the problem was for as long as she could remember, there had hardly ever been incidents like the last two town events. She’d never known either gang to declare war so publicly. And in the case of the Bike Festival, with such a high chance of civilian casualties. Also the fact that she knew the Sons hadn’t had anything to do with Enrique dying, and all the evidence that seemed to point the LB having setting off the bomb, ending up going nowhere… something else was going on and Parker didn’t couldn’t figure out the end goal. Only that things kept getting worse. That was what had her on edge, that each event has escalated in some way and now so many residents were gathered in one place, devastation could reign down at any moment. Parker was also not ready for the next body to enter her lab to be someone she knew, someone she considered family. “It’s not…I don’t know if it’s fear exactly.” She tilted her head, it wasn’t fear for herself at least, “I don’t want another person I know laying in my lab.”

"Oh, I hardly did anything. You were good kids," Penny assured her, warm smile coming to her face regardless. Knowing that she'd seemingly had such an impact on someone, it made her feel as though she'd done at least one thing right when she was that age. She nodded in agreement; Tonopah was its own special kind of place, one that nowhere else could truly emulate. "It is, yeah. At least, that's the plan. We'll see what ends up happening. Life can be unpredictable." She shrugged. She knew that better than anyone. "But the family that matters is here, so I think I'm here for at least the foreseeable future. To save on costs, I'll be staying in the B&B as I renovate, but I'll eventually get myself a place to stay. If you see any homes for sale, let me know?" Pulling her phone from her clutch, she unlocked then handed it over to her so she could get her information. "Hopefully we won't be strangers anymore after tonight."

Parker let out a soft laugh, “Were we? I seem to remember us fighting like cats and dogs.” At least then it had been fun and they’d always been quick to make up. Pushing thoughts of her twin to the side she smiles brightly at Penny, “I’m glad to hear it, but yes life can can change in an instant, in ways you never saw coming as well.” Having intimate knowledge of that aspect of life Parker had tried to spend the last twenty years doing as many things on her bucket list as she could. She made sure that the life she was living was what she wanted, living it to the fullest. Even if parties like this still made her uncomfortable. “I don’t know of any houses but there’s a two floor apartment in my building. There pretty nice actually.” Maybe eventually she’d look into a house herself but for now she was content with the apartment. Parker happily added her info into the phone, “I’m free most weekends, occasionally I’ll be away on a rowing trip but that’s still the best time to reach me.” Parker passed Penny back her phone before following suit and slipping her own over, “So how was living in New York?”

"Well, your friend has good taste," Diana replied with a laugh, looking her over again. "I think what could help is, even if you don't feel it yourself, start trusting that your friends are going to have a better opinion of you than you have of yourself. We're all our own worst critics, so of course we're always going to see ways we can improve. Doesn't mean we're not still serving. Now, what do you say you get back out there and strut your stuff?"

Parker slid her fingers down her dress, while looking in the mirror. Diana’s words bringing a smile to her face, trust her friends opinion… she could do that. “Okay, I’m ready. I think.” She was sure it was going to take more than this one conversation to feel better about it but she also knew that could trust Diana. Holding her arm out she smiled, “Just keep me from trying to run back in here until we get near the food, that’ll cam my nerves.”

"Did you get a contractor or you did this all yourself?" Hernando's smile was soft as he walked around Parker's apartment and took it all in. It was a little surreal to be spending time with Parker without a time limit. Without the inevitable end of the summer looming and their friendship going back to AIM messages and emails. But now that he was actually living in Tonopah Falls, he was finding that maybe he had more friends here than anyone else. It was hard to think of a time when he didn't know Parker. She was one of the few people he could be around and truly forget about the rest of his life. Of course inevitably something would come up but somewhere along the way they had this unwritten rule that they didn't have to talk about anything Sons or LB related. They could just talk about the simple things, the every day things, the things that reminded them they were actual people living and breathing in the world. He didn't know how much he was craving that until he was standing in her apartment now. He loved Los Bandoleros, more than anything in his life but with his father's absence, an unsettling feeling had made a home in the pit of his stomach and he didn't know how to get rid of it.

Parker took a sip from her water bottle, only slightly hesitant to answer his question. The answer crossed slightly over into areas they had a moratorium on. She’d done most of it herself, but her father and some of the Sons had helped. Plus when it came to the design of the place… She’d asked Blake to help, the blonde had been the one to redesign the old firehouse they’d lived in in Boston. “Mostly myself, my father and some of his friends helped with some of the harder things.” That seemed a fine balance of the truth and still not really talking about the Sons. Truthfully their little bubble of not talking about either gang had made it almost impossible for Parker to spend much time with Hernando over the last few months. While she’d usually have work she could talk about, the last two big cases had of course been an LB member and then three Sons members. She was just thankful that Shepherd hadn’t been wheeled into her lab in a body bag. She wasn’t sure how she would have handled that. She wasn’t as close to him as she was Charlie, but he was still a trusted colleague. Shaking herself from her thoughts she let her fingers glide over the bookcase that her and Blake had sat around building as Peyton had entertained herself, and them, with the babbling of a baby trying extremely hard to speak her first word. It was hard to believe that had been almost sixteen years ago. “My old roommate designed most of it. I don’t know if you’ve met her, she helped Penny with the paperwork for the B&B.” She raised an eyebrow at him, pretty sure that if he had met Blake he’d probably already figured out that she wasn’t just a Lawyer.

"Yeah, basically. I know it sounds dumb, but it genuinely works with things like that... Well, for the most part. There will obviously days where you don't feel 100%, but everyone has those." She shrugged and looked her over. "I think you already have a good start, though. You clearly know how to dress in a way that flatters your figure. Now we just need to get the brain to catch up."

It was almost funny, the way she could have total… what started out as fake confidence when it came to who she was. Years of pretending the things people said about her turned into actually not caring…. It just hand translated over to anything to do with her looks. “Truthfully my friend in DC picked this out for me to a Gala event a few years ago for the Smithsonian.” She’d gotten better at knowing what looked good on her… just not thinking others thought so.

She took the card from Parker and looked it over, a relieved sigh leaving her as she realized what it was for. "Thank you. I actually don't have a lawyer yet, only a realtor, so this will help going forward. I've worked in hotels, but never owned anything like this on my own and I want to make sure that everything is done legally. Last thing I'd want is to get into any trouble with the law." She laughed. "Though I suppose I have an in there now, too, with you in the area. Do you plan to stick around for a while or is this just a transition season for you?"

“It’s no problem, making sure you have a decent lawyer seems like the least I could do after everything you did for me when I was a kid.” She shrugged nonchalantly, Parker trusted Blake with most of her legal issues and wasn’t worried about pointing Penny in her direction. She let out a small laugh, “I don’t know how much help o can be in that area… unless you’ve got a dead body around somewhere.” She smirked, her eyes glinting mischievously, “I’m pretty sure I’m home for good. I’ve been back for ten years already, and I don’t really see that changing anytime soon. The only other places I’ve known as home have been Boston and DC… neither of which hold a candle to Tonopah.” Even though she’d gone back for post grad studies, Boston was a place with too many emotions and pain to think about going back. “I still get to travel every once in a while, so I’m good. What about you? I mean I can hazard a guess with the buying of the B&B but is this a permanent move?”

“As long as it’s sweet and not corny, I’ll take it.” He smiled softly. The last thing he wanted Penelope to think was that he didn’t have any game and was just stuck in the past. Which, really, could be completely accurate. Alex wasn’t a player, that was for sure. But he didn’t want to come off as pathetic. If he could achieve that, he would be happy. Nodding his head, he began to guide Parker through the party, wanting to find a place to sit and chat. His brown eyes shifted around for a moment before he spotted an open table and he quickly snatched it up.

“Sweet is definitely the word I’d use. Nothing wrong with corny though, as long as you’re happy who cares if someone thinks it’s corny?” And maybe it was just because Parker had long stop caring what others thought of her. She was confident in who she was… even if she still struggled with the sexual confidence thing, the point being she’d been the freaky girl with the fascination with death and bones. Letting go of other people’s perspective of her was an imperative to surviving high school. She smiled as Alex offered her a seat. A smile that became slightly strained at his question. It wasn’t so much that the question itself bothered her, or even that Alex asked it. It was that sometimes she felt like she took advantage of her friend’s job, without meaning to. He was always a good sounding board but she also felt like she cheated him sometimes because she was out here getting free therapy sessions… or at least it felt that way sometimes. “It’s nothing to serious just… the last two town events have ended in someone dying.” Multiple someone’s dying last time. People she’d known for ages, who had been in her life since she was a child. People who were brother in arms with her father. “The night has been going so well so far it just feels like we’re on a knife’s edge.”

emiri-tezel​:

“I’m glad. If you ever need to talk though… I’m all ears.” It wasn’t the same type of loss but she knew the pain of losing a loved one. Especially so suddenly. Sure it got easier over time, like all things do, but you were fundamentally changed and there was no going back to who you were. You might get close but it wouldn’t be the same. Parker nodded her head, “I’m sure… just tired.” Tired of doing everything she could and not being able to find anything that could be useful in any of the deaths from the last two events. For once all her knowledge was failing her. “It’s been a lot of long nights for months now.” She was pulling all nighters more often than she was getting a full night of sleep. Looking for even the smallest of evidence that could have been overlooked, it was exhausting. “Plus… another town event? I can’t help but wonder when the shoe is going to drop.”

Parker smoothed out her dress as she listened to Alex, she couldn’t help but agree with his assessment of being shocked. She’d tried to convince herself she was seeing things as she’d caught sight of Alex and Penelope, didn’t want to get her hopes up that that was indeed what she saw. “She just got back and you two are already each other’s plus one? That is incredibly adorable.” She shook her head, she hadn’t actually gotten a chance to talk to Penelope herself, but she had already decided that she’d make sure to find her at some point tonight. “Not yet, I promise to talk to her at some point tonight. How is the night going so far?”

Luckily for Alexander, he had his busy beard to hide his blush at Parker's comment, "...I hadn't thought about that." He smiled, "But yes. We are each others plus one." Alex just wanted to spend some time with Penny, that was all. And where was a better place than New Years, right? He nodded as she spoke, "She'll be excited to see you." He mentioned with a nod. Glancing around, he smiled softly as his brown eyes shifted around before he looked back to his friend and gave her his full attention, "It's going well, I think. I've seen some people I didn't expect to see so that's always nice. How about you? Are you having a good time?"

Parker smirked, her eyes shining with mirth, “I think it’s sweet.” Her smile moved into a more endearing one. It was true, there was something undeniably sweet about the two of them being each other’s plus ones thirty or so years later. It brought an only slightly bittersweet tinge to Parker’s heart. Happy for Alex and Penny for finding each other again, even if it was just for a New Years date, and a longing for Jackson to sweep her up into his arms as if he’d been away on a trip and not buried in a grave in Boston. “Mm, if there is one good thing to ever come out of the events it’s definitely getting to socialize with people you don’t see all the time. I’m…” She wasn’t sure, she was definitely having a better time than she was earlier with her mini freak out in the bathroom, but there was still an anticipation for everything to go to hell real fast. “Trying to push through my anxiety.” About being around lots of people and whatever surprise could be lurking around the corner.