Parenting Equality

            Over the years, the debate over whether gay marriage should be legalized has been brought up continuously by a variety of countries. I would like to shift my focus towards another topic that is closely related to gay marriage; same sex parenting. There is progress being made throughout the United States for marriage equality, which will lead to another paradigm shift – hopefully a positive one – in society on same sex parenting. There are multitudes of people out there who believe that a child being raised by a same sex couple is detrimental in many aspects to the child. I hold the opposite stance, that same sex parents’ raising a child is not detrimental to the child in any aspect. When there is opposition of same sex parenting, comparisons of traditional families are often brought up in the argument.

            What is the traditional family today, in 2013? If we rewind back fifty years ago, we would see a definitive family unit consisting of the working father and housewife with their children. Today though, it is not so easy to classify because there are multiple ways to define the family unit. It might not even be correct to classify any family today as traditional, unless they are still following the same customs that existed fifty years ago, because many of the societal foundations have changed that were once traditional. A better term to classify families today is contemporary, “the contemporary family is any family and every family. There is no longer just one ‘correct’ or ‘acceptable’ kind of family” (Gadoua). Since the family is constantly changing and growing, the defined roles are too. "In 2011, the U.S. Census Bureau counted 646,464 same-gender couples nationwide, and 20% of those couples (129,293 families) are raising nearly 250,000 children" (Flaherty). These numbers are probably a smaller estimate than the actual amount of children being raised by same sex parents because of the social stigma that surrounds same sex parenting and homosexuality. Although the numbers of families with same sex parents may not be huge in comparison to heterosexual or single parents, the number is substantial and will keep increasing as our society becomes more accepting. There are questions regarding what roles are played in same sex parenting, is there a father or mother figure when the family is led by two males or two females? These are questions of importance to some, but may not be as important to the child. The traditional roles of family are constantly evolving, and there have been studies designed to figure out whether a child raised by homosexual parents is at a loss in comparison to a child raised by heterosexual parents.

            For something as fundamental as a family, it is hard for society to see change especially regarding children. This is why many pediatricians have begun studying this contemporary family unit to compare them to families that consist of a father and mother figure to determine whether there is any detriment to the child. The studies that have been done are still fairly new, but as time passes acquiring participation in these studies will increase as the amount of same sex parents increases, or speaks out. The oldest study, the National Lesbian Longitudinal Family Study (NLLFS), began “in 1986 with 154 lesbian mothers who conceived children through artificial insemination. A recent look at 78 offspring found that the children did fine — better, even, than children in a similar study involving more diverse families” (Somashshekhar).  There are other studies that have been done and are still being done, that are following in the path of the NLLFS. Each study that has come out that is not biased in its methodology is finding the same results – children raised with homosexual parents are doing just as well as those with heterosexual parents. For example, the only study that did not find the same results was one done by Mark Regnerus. His research though was not received well; his methodology was criticized because the same sex parents he studied were not in committed relationships while the heterosexual parents were. (Garcia). His research was not comparable, because his research of heterosexual and homosexual parents did not correlate.

            Even with reputable studies, there are still many who refute the results. The most prominent issue with same sex parenting is the lack of an opposing gender parenting the child. There are questions whether the child will grow up confused about their sexuality, whether they will be influenced by their parent’s sexuality, or confused about their gender when raised by two fathers or two mothers. Tracy Hanse, a licensed psychologist, states her opposition based on the same issues listed above (Hansen). She states, “homosexually parented children are more likely to experiment sexually, experience sexual confusion, and engage in homosexual and bisexual behavior themselves” (Hansen). She lists more unproven effects of same sex parenting on children but fails to mention any of the studies or research she has gotten her information from (Hansen). Results from the NLLFS discredit her accusations though within their study of adolescents raised by lesbian mothers; “adolescents were no more likely to have had same-sex contact” than other adolescents compared with their age and gender (Gartrell et al. 1214) There are usually claims that children who have homosexual parents are more likely to be homosexual than children who have heterosexual parents. There is no research though that backs this claim though, and only leads to arguments of nurture versus nature. The American Association of Pediatrics also backed the results found in the NLLFS as well as other studies, that children raised with homosexual parents face the same issues that children raised with heterosexual parents do.

“No differences were found in maternal warmth, emotional involvement, enjoyment of motherhood, frequency of conflicts, supervision of the child, abnormal behaviors reported by parents or teachers in the child, children’s self-esteem, or psychiatric disorders. Both mothers and teachers reported more behavioral problems among children in single-parent families than among children who had 2 parents in the home, irrespective of their sexual orientation” (Perrin, Siegel, and et al 1374-1383)

Even with the social stigma that is placed around homosexuality in our society, this tightens the bond between same sex parents and their children (Green). These children are raised to be open-minded, and often have to discuss poignant topics of equality with their parents furthering their closeness (Green). Many of the studies found that the sexual orientation of the parents was not an important factor in successful parenting, but stability is (Somashekhar).

            There is also opposition in regards to same sex parenting that pertain to religious beliefs. These beliefs align with many who are in opposition of marriage equality as well. This country though, was founded to escape from oppression where individual’s rights were being violated by others beliefs. It would be a step backwards to keep repressing these rights that should be standard for all. There is also a divided line amongst professionals who agree or disagree with marriage equality that affects their opinion on same sex parenting; but there should not be a question regarding whether same sex parenting is detrimental to the child solely based on personal or religious beliefs. The research that has been done shows that it is not detrimental to the child, the only detriment to the children in these situations is the fact that their parents in some states are not allowed to further constitute their family as a legal family without having the right to marry.

            The most important opinion in this argument though, is from the children that are being raised by same sex parents. Of those who were raised by loving and committed same sex parents, there is a consensus that their parents’ gender played no role on how well they were raised (Gilomen). Zach Wahls, a young adult raised with two mothers, gained immediate popularity after his speech in favor of gay marriage went viral online. His testimony was representative of children with parents whom they love regardless of their genders. His last sentences in his testimony were the most profound.

“In the next two hours I’m sure we’re going to hear plenty of testimony about how damaging having gay parents is on kids. But in my 19 years, not once have I ever been confronted by an individual who realized independently that I was raised by a gay couple. And you know why? Because the sexual orientation of my parents has had zero effect on the content of my character” (Wahls).

With the increasing amount of children being raised by same sex parents, it is surprising how many states within the United States that do not allow same sex parents legal rights over the children they are raising (Hall). When same sex parents adopt a child, the adoption process is usually filed under one parent while the other parent holds no legal rights over the child. “Only 13 states and Washington, D.C., allow same-sex parents to petition for "second-parent adoption" statewide, while the availability of the practice is uncertain in most states and filled with legal obstacles in others, according to the Family Equality Council” (Hall). The same is an issue when same sex parents who conceive through insemination. The biological parent of the child will hold legal rights, but the other parent will not (Hall). Due to these unfair laws and regulations concerning same sex parents and their children, it can make stressful situations worse tenfold. For example, when a child is hospitalized it can be the most stress inducing experience to make sure they are okay. For any parent this would be a nightmare, but for a same sex parent it can be an even more devastating experience. Often times hospitals will only let the biological parent or parent whose name holds custody of the child in the room with the child. Heterosexual parents do not have to go through the same painstaking procedures that a same sex parent might have to, depending on the state they reside in, to be there for their child. The regulations and laws that are set up now that completely dismiss families with same sex parents are harmful to the child. A child being raised by same sex parents is not detrimental, but the non-existent rights that the same sex parents hold over protecting their child is.

            The underlying issue is within our society, and the only way to fix it is to change cultural norms that look down upon homosexuality. My personal beliefs are that same sex parenting is not detrimental to children. The roles that family members hold are constantly changing; there is no longer a need for defined father and mother roles to raise a perfectly healthy child – mentally and physically. Same sex parents are providing children who would be left in the foster care system from family to family an option of stability and love. When they decide to have children, it is a decision that they have had to discuss and contemplate because there is not an option of natural procreation (Green). There is not a way for same sex parents to accidentally conceive, so when they do become parents it is because they are ready (Green). There shouldn't be an emphasis on the gender of the parents, but the quality of their parenting.

Works Cited

In My Shoes: Stories of Youth with LGBT Parents. Dir. Jen Gilomen. YouTube. Frameline, n.d. Web. 30 Apr. 2013. <http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage>.

Gadoua, Susan Pease. "What is a 'typical' American family today?." Examiner.com. Clarity Digital Group LLC dba Examiner.com, 11 May 2011. Web. 30 Apr 2013. <http://www.examiner.com/article/what-is-a-typical-american-family-today>.

Garcia, Michelle. "Parenting Study Author Regnerus Admits Faults With Data." Advocate.com. HERE MEDIA INC., 30 Oct. 2012. Web. 30 Apr. 2013. <http://www.advocate.com/politics/marriage-equality/2012/10/30/parenting-study-author-regnerus-admits-faults-data>.

Gartrell, Nanette, MD, Henny M. W. Bos, PhD, Heidi Peyser, MA, Amalia Deck, MSN, and Carla Rodas, MPH. "Adolescents with Lesbian Mothers Describe Their Own Lives." Journal of Homosexuality 9th ser. 59 (2012): 1211-229. Web. <http://williamsinstitute.law.ucla.edu/wp-content/uploads/nllfs-adolescents-with-lesbian-mothers-2012.pdf>.

Green, Laci. "Science Supports Gay Parents." YouTube. Discovery News, 23 Mar. 2013. Web. 30 Apr. 2013. <http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IaA3R15fJis>.

Flaherty, Ned. "Supreme Court Threatens 650,000 Same-Sex Couples And Their 250,000 Children | The New Civil Rights Movement." The New Civil Rights Movement RSS. The New Civil Rights Movement and David Badash, 27 Mar. 2013. Web. 01 May 2013. <http://thenewcivilrightsmovement.com/supreme-court-questioning-threatens-650000-same-sex-couples-and-their-250000-children/politics/2013/03/27/63455>.

Hall, Katy. "Gay Marriage And Children: The Worst States For Kids Of Same-Sex Parents." The Huffington Post. TheHuffingtonPost.com, 29 Mar. 2013. Web. 30 Apr. 2013. <http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/03/29/gay-marriage-children-_n_2973817.html?utm_hp_ref=gay-voices>.

Hansen, Trayce. "Same-Sex Marriage Is Harmful to Children." Gay Marriage. Ed. Debra A. Miller. Detroit: Greenhaven Press, 2012. At Issue. Rpt. from "Same-Sex Marriage: Not in the Best Interest of Children." The Therapist (2009). Opposing Viewpoints In Context. Web. 30 Apr. 2013.

Perrin, Ellen C., Benjamin S. Siegel, et al. "Promoting the Well-Being of Children Whose Parents are Gay or Lesbian." PEDIATRICS - Official Journal of the American Academy of Pediatrics. 131. (2013): 1374-1383. Print. <http://pediatrics.aappublications.org/content/131/4/e1374.full.pdf>.

Somashshekhar, Sandhya. "Social science struggles for data on effects of same-sex parenting on children." The Washington Post. The Washington Post, 26 Mar 2013. Web. 30 Apr 2013. <http://www.washingtonpost.com/national/health-science/social-science-struggles-with-the-effects-of-same-sex-parenting-on-children/2013/03/26/a6fa50ca-9655-11e2-8b4e-0b56f26f28de_story.html?wprss=rss_politics>.

“In the next two hours I’m sure we’re going to hear plenty of testimony about how damaging having gay parents is on kids.

But in my 19 years, not once have I ever been confronted by an individual who realized independently that I was raised by a gay couple.