hooked like hand cuffs .

The inspiration to get over my addiction . he looks at me with those eyes that say I'm his everything . and I believe him .

You know nobody ever told me it would be this bad . I wouldn't consider it bad , I still like it . but I also have common sense and know that it's killing me. But not even an actual addict told me it'd be this hard . she didn't tell me I wouldn't be able to get the fuck outta bed . she didn't tell me that my body would get anxious at the thought of getting a hit or two . I got a headache lemme smoke a bit to get over it , why not ? I didnt want the stiff muscles and achy bones . i didnt wanna be aged and ugly. But that didnt and isnt stopping me yet. Not everyone understands , they don't know the stress that is relieved when the smoke is let out and you see that thick chemical smoke that tells you how good of a hit it was. I don't lie when I say es del Diablo . you are trying to do well pero el Diablo no te suelta tan facil . the devil is alive and well . todo con su tiempo I am going to try and do what I can I can't make any promises. It's like something takes over me when I get home and close the door . yea I'm better than I used to be but because I'm better at it . the little bit last longer cause I'm not learning anymore . fuck . and since I'm convinced that I can't do it all without a boost I just smoke sum more . weeks go by and it ain't even like I'm getting high I'm just using this shit so I don't get sick . he says he's glad I ain't too deep in it but those are the ones that are the worst right , the innocent looking ones ? I wanna get away from this place I do , but I can't and i wont see I try but I know thats a lie cause I don't and why I just don't know.. Two NA meetings and yes I'm feeling positive but I can't keep count. I have to keep going.