❤ PARADISE LOVER

I don't know how I could be so blind again. I should have kept her. But I didn't decide quick enough. My head was filled with my other concerns; she went into the back of my thoughts. My financial worries, busy getting everything posted & sold. It's my fault, and no one is to blame for my broken heart. I broke my own heart. I have been crying for days. I miss her. She was a little angel. She was so perfect. Why didn't I act faster? Same with Ocean. I am always making the same mistakes. God, I don't know why I don't think or remember how terrible it is to miss an animal you have imprinted on. I did violence to my heart again. God, I have missed this blessing.

what we don't know can silently & slowly k!ll us inside, or is the not knowing that keeps us alive? sane? I have not heard back from the rescue about where Ocean ended up. maybe they do not want to tell me out of spite, because I asked for foster help initially. that's cruel. people really do love to make other people suffer. how is that "human"? isn't humanity supposed to be defined as beings possessing empathy & kindness, which differentiates us from other species? I have pondered this for a few years more heavily than before. so much that I am regretting going to graduate school to become a social worker. I really don't want anything with people or "humans". they are cruel; they are selfish. I wish I had dedicated my life to animals or the earth. anyway, Ocean wherever you are, I hope you are okay. I will stay in this abyss of not knowing. there you will find me.

I miss him