I was born sick, but I love it.

A handful of months ago, I ended a relationship.

I know it isn't kosher to compare your current partner to your previous ones, but I can't help it. I'm constantly brought to tears because of how loved I feel. Here's what I mean:

🚩 My last partner never let me listen to my music in the car. He would skip a song on his phone if I was singing along. He would come into the bathroom to turn down my shower tunes because "there's no reason I should hear that from the living room."

🏁 My current partner took me on a 5+ hour roadtrip and let me pick the music the whole way there and back, singing to the songs he recognized.

🚩 My previous partner and I went on one trip in 4 years and it gave way to a traumatizing series of events for me. There were fits of jealousy over my best friend of 5 years (who wasn't even present).

I believe a lot of his jealousy stemmed from the fact that we were in a poly relationship and he was insecure that he was able to provide enough for me and his other girlfriend, simultaneously.

I tried to reassure him frequently that he was enough for me, but he always believed I was seeking more, which was never the case. The fact that I was pansexual just meant *everyone* else was a threat to him.

🏁 My current partner trusts me. He doesn't question my loyalty. I live with a male best friend of mine and have for several years. He has never asked if there was anything going on between us, or if there ever has been (which is a solid no).

🚩 I got lost in an amusement park for several hours with no phone and no clue where we parked (because I never predicted being alone, which was my fault because I stormed away from him crying to find a bench to sit on and collect myself, but he wasn't there when I came back.)

When I found him, after hours of being alone and terrified, still panicking, he threatened to leave me there, in another state, unless I got my shit together.

🏁 My current partner always made sure to ask me if I had my phone on me in case we got separated, and he was never far. He was always waiting for me to come around the corner from whatever I was exploring.

🚩 My last partner's birthday was 2 days after mine. He would get upset when my friends would try to celebrate my birthday without making him a priority. My birthday celebration ended when the day ended. Every day thereafter was about him and making him happy.

🏁My current partners birthday was today [2/3] (mine is 3 months from now). All week, he has been fighting me, trying to GIVE me HIS birthday.

Me: "What do you want for your birthday?"

Him: "It's not my birthday, is yours. Happy birthday!! You want this? What about this? What do you want to eat? You want cake?"

I thought my ex was my soulmate.

Not in the sense that he was the one that would make me happy the rest of my life,

but because he had convinced me that I deserved that.

I know someone else out there needs to hear this...

You deserve better. Someone out there just wants you to be happy and would do anything to make it so.

Do not let yourself be convinced that the time you have invested in that relationship has weight over the pain you've endured.

Your feelings are valid.

You should never settle for a partner that is less than that,

A partner.

You deserve someone who-

Loves to hear you sing, because they know it means you're expressing yourself

Encourages you to maintain healthy relationships with anyone important to you

Who thinks of you the moment you're gone

Someone who puts you before themselves, as you would do for them.

Don't let your partner determine what you deserve.

You are human.

You deserve freedom.

You deserve trust.

You deserve love, in it's purest and most selfless form.

Please trust me when I say this,

You deserve better