Youād think I have a drinking problem judging by the way I talk about this kind of stuff. I donāt. But I realize that drinking, at least for me, can be problematic. When youāre out there getting fucked up, itās a temporary dragon youāre chasing, especially for us, more introspective types. Can be fun of course, but def doesnāt guarantee a great time. Iām all about having fun, but fun isnāt always pleasurableā¦if that makes any sense? I think you know what I mean.
Iām not having fun today. I canāt stand the foggy feeling Iām left with after a bender. It isnāt exactly a hangover - I just feel dumb and down. Iām sure thereās a neurosciency explanation for this feeling, but I think itās more than just brain chemistryā¦I feel it in my soul.
There are plenty of simpler folk for whom the simple sensation of being lit is all the fun they need, which is why they go back to it again and again. I used to be one of those people. Sometimes I wish I still were, and last night, I tried to fulfill my wish. I went out in search of that ever so familiar dragon. And I found the fun I was looking for - but I realize that I mightāve had too much āfunā at my peak and too little āfunā at my lowest point. Maintaining a good tip is a delicate balance.
As the night dragged on, it became less fun and equally frustrating as I felt like I wasnāt having as much fun as people around me. I mean who gives a shit - right? But I guess at the moment, in my inebriated state of mind, I gave a shit. Alcohol gets me thinking all sorts of weird dissociative thoughts. It isnāt fun.
I donāt think the problem I have is all about alcohol. Itās deeper than just booze. It is a Chris problem. I donāt need to quit drinking. I just need to do a better job of knowing when to stopā¦not overdoing itā¦not letting things drag on. Get it? š
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