Untitled

didn't you start it?

like blue lightning in the brain. the kind of anger, sudden, that makes you laugh—unbelievable! the stumble, and then after, you look around hoping no one sees.

the seconds are moving on without him, and so are the feelings, and he is left to finger-trace the ink blot memory of them. or lack of.

he picks up a blank piece of paper from theo's desk, smells it. hint of lemon.

The defence doesn't hold up too well under any level of scrutiny. It really depends on the day.

He drinks the coffee.

"I wouldn't worry about it. If this was the kind of miscellaneous liquid that makes your eyeballs turn to soup, you expect the ███████ ████ would at least make it taste worthwhile —

he catches the tail end of theo's and then the beginning of his own. the rest is blank and now his hands feel clammy. back of his tongue disturbed. he looks at the clock.

He drinks from a coffee cup that says may contain vodka. It's not his. He doesn't remember making the coffee, but he's glad that some version of him seems to have had the forethought.

dialogue prompts from a beast slinks towards beijing: a novel by alice evelyn yang.

what month is it?

we were damned if we did, damned if we didn't.

what do you remember?

you look tired. are you in pain?

it's a 'three advil' kind of day.

you look familiar. do i know you?

something is definitely following you. whether you can see it or not is a different matter.

you look tired. not sleeping well? nightmares?

you're asking the wrong questions.

i'm not ready for that. i don't know if i'll ever be ready.

you cannot die. there are still things we need to say.

anything can be salvaged. nothing should be wasted.

some memories are untranslatable.

i don't know how to say it in words.

i wasn't going to go through with it.

breathe. it'll pass.

you could almost pass as human.

it was real. it was the realest moment of my life.

you haven't even said sorry.

i didn't ask to be the favorite. i'd give it to you, if i could.

you like winning more than anything.

what really happened? you can tell me.

does it hurt badly?

your unhappiness weighs on my soul.

it would have been better if i'd died. if i didn't exist.

you wear resentment like a second skin.

i don't know how much you remember.

no rest for the wicked, right?

do you want to sleep here?

why do you want to leave?

children, like animals, often have a preternatural sense for catastrophe.

i thought gods were supposed to be good.

we're like small toys to the gods.

you know how to spin a yarn.

i've never known someone with a dead ____ before.

you're everywhere, aren't you?

everyone's been listening to me talk about you for years.

i know when you're lying.

i don't like the way _____ talks about you.

i want to feel solid again.

you didn't try to find me.

you have a deceptively innocent face.

morality is a privilege we can't afford right now.

you hurt everything around you.

i don't want to be in the house any more than i have to be.

you haven't changed much. always taking care of everyone else.

you're not alright. you have a tell.

aren't you tired of it all?

all you're good for is running.

i've been looking for you for a long time.

i've never met someone like me before.

i'm what you made me.

the more you try to forget me, the more you become down to me.

do you think i was born cruel? i was made this way.

i wasn't built to be a caretaker.

am i awake? is it you?

why do you have to be a martyr?

i always hoped i'd heard from you.

why can't you just be honest?

i don't know how to live with this.

we've both done hard things to survive. that's human.

i can help you through it, if you let me.

i know more ghosts than living people.

i can't recognize you anymore.

you ruined me. i hate you.

i was afraid of how much i loved you.

reincarnate. become something else, something braver.