I've frequently not been on boats

Sure, you know how to self-flagellate, but do you know how to apologize? Saying "I'm a stupid idiot" is not the same thing as saying "I did something wrong."

People who want an apology pretty much never want to hear "I'm a stupid idiot." If someone is actually trying to get you to say you're a stupid idiot, it's not because it will make up for a mistake you made or harm you caused. It's because they want you to feel like a stupid idiot. People who care about you do not want you to feel like a stupid idiot and it hurts them when they see you putting yourself down in their name.

they say you can't pour from an empty cup but i've been doing it my whole life and aside from all of these mysterious ailments it's working out great for me

I DIDN'T EVEN HAVE TO UNMUTE,

I live a very balanced life of noticing things nobody else does and not noticing the things that literally everybody notices

no rest for me and im not even that wicked ?

age regressing to 2 years old but i was an especially erudite and articulate baby so you don't even notice

G O L F W I T H O U T L I M I T S

I can only assume this is from some amazingly realistic looking sports anime because there ain’t no goddamn way that happened in real life.

I’ve definitely reblogged this before, but I just think it’s super cute because there are like “golf manners” where you’re not supposed to make a huge ruckus but like EVERYONE felt it warranted cheering because HOLY SHIT THAT WAS A GREAT SHOT.

how do you not hold your club above your head and hoot like a tusken raider after a shot like that

my family has had some pretty interesting encounters with psychics/mediums that seem genuine in the past, but nothing will ever be funnier to me than the last guy my mom talked to who was so definitely bullshitting, because she said "I was hoping to hear from my husband" and the guy went "he said....it's okay to Move On" and like. every single person my mom has recounted this too has been like "He Would Not Fucking Say That". as if this was an ooc fanfic about my father. it's just so fucking funny. fake psychic dude take your shitty headcanons about my ghost dad and LEAVE!!!

like, my parents were legitimately insane about each other. I cannot stress how much he wouldn't say that. I have to assume his ghost was standing right next to this fake psychic yelling "WHAT THE FUCK!!!!" when he told my mom to move on lmfao

actually. funnier to imagine he was a Real Psychic who was just trying to put a move on my mom and didn't think the ghost would do anything about it and now is now dealing with a violently angry haunting for the rest of his days lmfao

Psychic: I also choose this guy’s still-alive wife.

The ominous temperature in this post is 3.5315π Rrad