C.O. John Bennett

Dayanara looks away when he admits that he loves her, because it hurts to hear it, but it also makes her melt inside. She’d be lying if she said she didn’t want to spend her life with him, in fact, he’s the only person she’s ever wanted that with. That’s why all of this hurts so badly. “Good, I like her already,” she finally jokes, a small smile pulling at her full and luscious lips. “I really hope you don’t fuck up again either, because I don’t think I would be able to handle that. It’s hard enough being here, not being able to see my daughter every day, take care of her…” Shaking her head she lets out a sigh, glancing down at the table then back at him. “You need to be in this for real, be willing to take things slow until I can trust you again, and you can’t…you can’t abandon us. She needs you. “

More than anything right now, John wants to touch her.  Just to put his hand over hers and assure her that he felt the same way.  That he needed her more than anything else and that she made him stronger, despite the weakness he’d shown lately.  He nodded though, focusing his eyes on the baby cradled in Daya’s arms as if she’d never left.  

Daya breathes out slowly, her mind reeling from all this information. She wasn’t sure what she wanted anymore, but she missed him. Every day that John was gone felt like hell, and here he was, stepping up and taking care of their daughter. She wanted so badly to pull him back in, to go on like nothing happened. She has trust issues though, and even deeper than that, she’s terrified. “We still have two years before I get out, so a lot can change in that time. You might meet someone else…maybe we’ll patch things up between us, but I can’t make any promises, and I don’t want you to.” 

John takes a deep breath.  He’s been expecting something like this, and honestly, he deserves it.  The skepticism... Daya not wanting to jump back into things... he’s known that was coming and in a way, he respects her for actually sticking to her guns and not giving in to him right off the bat.  

Dayanara can feel a blush creeping into her cheeks, and she fights hard to keep it at bay. He can’t just show up here and say things like that, and expect her to welcome him back with open arms. Even though it seems to be working just fine, she won’t admit that. Not yet, anyway. “You’re easy enough to like when you’re around.” It’s a bit of an underhanded compliment, and a slight jab at him, he does seem to be trying though, and that has to count for something. If she were like her mother though, it wouldn’t mean shit. “I think that’s her way of paying you back, by the way. She’s not going to make things easy on you.” 

“Ours,” he corrects her.  “I mean... if you still want all of this with me once you get out,” he finished.  “Even if we’re not, you know, there’s three bedrooms so we could do a roommate thing and coparent... I know it’s presumptuous of me to think you might still want what we had planned, but you know... just in case,” he told her, keeping his voice down so nobody would overhear him talking about their relationship and the fact that technically, they were still engaged.

Daya can feel the anger melting away inside of her, and she hates that it’s so easy for him to make his way back into her life. She wants to believe that he’s not going to leave, that he’s going to prove it to her after all. The Latina can feel his eyes on her, searing through her skin and straight to her very soul, effectively pulling her apart with his gaze. She can’t look up at him for fear of becoming vulnerable, letting him see that softer side of herself shining through. 

He takes a deep breath.  He can tell she’s mad, but she’s more hurt than angry and while that kills him, he has hopes that he can make it better.  “Of course she remembers you, nobody could forget that voice,” he tells her honestly, then reaches into his pocket for a stack of  pictures he’d printed, knowing he couldn’t bring his phone in.  “We’ve been good... I think she likes me most of the time, though she’s a huge fan of screaming her little head off in the middle of the night,” he teased.

Daya takes the baby in her arms, and her chest feels tight. She hasn’t held her daughter since the day she was born, and a thousand emotions assault her all at once. The tips of her fingers brush against her face, tracing the line of her jaw and ghosting over those tiny pink lips. It gets a smile out of Zamora and Daya laughs, but it’s full of raw emotion as tears stream steadily down her face. “I’ve missed you so much, baby girl,” she whispers, unable to tear her eyes away from that precious face. 

He hates that her attitude is so hot to him.  He needs to not be on the brink of popping wood because she snapped at him and needs to actually have a conversation with her.  There’s so much he wants to say... so much he can’t tell her because he’ll be back in here in a week and just... it’s fucked up.  “You’re welcome... and there’s no way you CAN know that... I’m just going to have to prove myself to you, and I have every intention of doing that,” he told her honestly.

Dayanara is angry at the world. She’s mad at John for leaving, her mother for ruining a good life for her daughter, and she’s pissed at the fact that her daughter was snatched from her home and taken away. Deep down though, she’s more angry at herself than anything. For thinking this could have worked out, for not being there for Zamora. She was a bundle of mixed emotions when she got that letter, and she had half a mind to refuse to put him on her visitation list, but it was the only chance she had to see her baby. 

He’s regretted it for so long that he was actually considering seeing a shrink to find out what had been going through his head.  How he could let Cesar intimidate him so much... how he could even consider turning his back on the woman he loved, and who he’d been planning to spend the rest of his life with.  How he could have even attempted to live with himself after giving up the most perfect and beautiful little girl in the entire world.