Pansexual Dragons

My dear bi child, 

I’m so proud of you and your brother! It makes me really happy that you two have each other for support. Thankyou for sharing this with me! <3 

Give your brother a hug for me (or a high-five, whichever he prefers)! 

With all my love, 

My dear lgbt+ kid, 

When I read your message, I really wished I could hug you. 

I get a feeling from your words that you feel guilty about your worries and I can relate to that as I was 16 once, too, and I felt so so weird and guilty and confused, too. That’s why I want to start this off with this: 

None of the things you describe here sound “weird” to me! They sound pretty common, actually. Many of us had or have the same questions. You are not alone and you’re certainly not weird here. 

You told me you want to be able to date girls, to date all kinds of people. Think about it like that: Would you want that if you weren’t attracted to them? 

Wanting to date people is a pretty big sign you’re into them. Don’t overthink that, honey. The label wouldn’t feel so comfortable for you if there were no truth behind it! 

You don’t need someone’s approval to use a label you feel happy with but just to ease your mind: You’re 100% allowed to identify as pan. 

It’s okay that you’ve never been in love. You’re young, you have all the time in the world. I know it feels like you need “proof” before you can say you’re into girls (or any other gender) but that’s crap, frankly said. Your identity is not about who you’ve dated before or who you have experience with, it’s about you and how you feel.

 Your feelings matter, regardless of your age. It seems like pan describes you well right now. Will it still do that in ten years? Maybe, maybe not. We don’t know - nobody ever knows that, old or young. And that’s okay. If it turns out that pan doesn’t fit anymore, you can still adjust or change your label later on. (With that being said: There are enough people out there who choose a label at 16 and it fits them their whole life!) 

About your sadness when clothes don’t fit you the way they fit boys: That’s worth exploring if you want to. With that, I don’t mean “drive yourself crazy with trying to analyze that feeling” - just allow yourself to feel that way without judging yourself, allow yourself to be curious about that. It doesn’t necessarily need to mean anything - it’s just a little thing that makes you you and it’s always a good thing to learn more about yourself. It sounds to me like it could be related to your gender identity or the way you like to present your gender (some people feel happier when they look masculine, others when they look feminine, or a mix of both.. that kind of stuff). Again: You have all the time in the world to discover that. 

I hope this helps a bit and if you have more questions, feel free to reach out <3 

With all my love, 

Something that really really annoys me is this rule of “lesbian purity” that some people try to enforce. 

What I mean by that is the belief that a lesbian woman needs to have a completely men-free past or else she’s not a true lesbian. The idea that a lesbian who ever dated or slept with men is somehow tainted, fake, less worthy than those who never touched a man. 

In some cases, this is actually meant to be pro-lesbian. There are some straight men out there who seem to believe that their you-know-what is so magical that it could “change her mind”. It can be necessary to stress that lesbians don’t want to sleep with men, thanks to people like them who just (don’t want to) understand that. 

What doesn’t sit well with me is when people widen “Lesbians don’t want to sleep with men” to “..and if you ever did, then you’re disgusting and not even a real lesbian anyway”. 

That’s not true at all. Some girls had crushes on boys, dated and/or slept with them - and are 100% lesbian. I know a lovely lesbian woman who was married to a man for over twenty years and has multiple kids with him. 

There’s not the one explanation that applies to all of the them - and you don’t owe anyone explanations or apologies for your dating/sexual history anyway!

The three main problems I see with the idea of “lesbian purity” are: 

1. It makes it harder for girls who question if they are lesbian. Coming to terms with being lesbian can already be so confusing and difficult - we shouldn’t pile “Is your past ‘clean’ enough?” on top of that. 

2. The idea that a man can taint a woman’s worth, can make her identity matter less is deeply sexist. 

3. It can super quickly turn transphobic when people change “sleep with a man” to “sleep with anyone who wasn’t born with a vagina”. In this case, they no longer only shame lesbians who used to date boys, they also shame lesbians for dating trans girls (and trans girls for exisiting).  

Long story short: The idea is not beneficial for lesbian women, it doesn’t actually help or protect them - it’s just the same old “Women need to be pure and clean to be worthy of respect and if they have sex, they’re no longer pure and clean” crap with a twist. 

With all my love, 

If there’s currently a heat wave in your country (like in mine), here are just a few reminders because I love you and want you to be safe: 

- Drink lots of water! 

- If you hate plain water and have a hard time drinking enough of it, it’s more than okay to mix it with fruit juice or similar. Being dehydrated will (in most cases) harm you more than drinking a bit of sugar. 

- Avoid going outside during the hottest hours of the day, if possible. 

- Don’t take ice cold showers. I know it sounds tempting but it can be overwhelming for the body and you risk feeling even worse after it. 

- If you bind your chest, try to take a break from it during the hottest hours (or even for a whole day, if possible). Binders trap in heat and can make you overheat quickly! 

- Wear light and loose-fitting clothes whenever possible. 

With all my love, 

If there’s currently a heat wave in your country (like in mine), here are just a few reminders because I love you and want you to be safe: 

- Drink lots of water! 

- If you hate plain water and have a hard time drinking enough of it, it’s more than okay to mix it with fruit juice or similar. Being dehydrated will (in most cases) harm you more than drinking a bit of sugar. 

- Avoid going outside during the hottest hours of the day, if possible. 

- Don’t take ice cold showers. I know it sounds tempting but it can be overwhelming for the body and you risk feeling even worse after it. 

- If you bind your chest, try to take a break from it during the hottest hours (or even for a whole day, if possible). Binders trap in heat and can make you overheat quickly! 

- Wear light and loose-fitting clothes whenever possible. 

With all my love, 

My dear lgbt+ kid,

Yes, you can call yourself trans.

A trans person is someone who doesn’t identify as the gender they were assigned at birth - it’s about how you feel, about your identity. It’s what’s inside you, not so much what you do with the outside (your body).

The idea “trans = person who gets surgery down there” doesn’t properly represent the diverse trans community.

Of course there are many people who want to get surgery. But there are also plenty who don’t want to. They may choose to get hormone therapy, no surgeries or they may decide against both. In all of those cases, they are trans - it’s not the physical change that makes someone trans, it’s how they experience their gender!

There are many different reasons why a trans person may not want surgery. I do in fact know multiple people who didn’t get surgery because they wanted to start a family (or in some cases, they decided to have a baby first and get surgery later - that’s a option, too). You’re certainly not the only one with that thought.

Sadly, there are people who would disagree with all of this, who make up rules on what a “real trans person” would want or do. But in the end, it’s your identity, your body, your life. Play by your own rules. Only you know what feels right for you, what you want to do with your body. It’s your choice - nobody else gets to decide that for you.

With all my love,

For all my Ace Aro Peeps out there. You are amazing, valid, and always welcomed to the LGBT community. Dont let anyone tell you otherwise.

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🌸Soft rose goddess 🌸