pancenance

au where dani lets go of diego sooner

"When are you going to tell Marifer that you like her? It's been a few weeks since her and Alex "officially" broke up," Dani looks over and asks Memo.

She's taken to hanging out with him after school because she likes his company and Pascual always offers to drive her home. Plus Memo's house has the best snacks.

She watches Memo's face turn red as he fiddles with a cassette tape that he'd been writing on at his computer desk.

"I don't think there's been enough time yet," Memo mutters.

Dani sits up from his bed and takes a look at what he's written on the tape. She gets up and puts her hand out and Memo gingerly sticks the tape in her hand.

"Is this for her?"

Memo nods, not meeting her eyes.

"Come on, Memo! You need to tell her!"

Dani think it's sweet. If Diego had been half as attentive as Memo is for Marifer, she might have been more put out about cutting him off.

But poor Memo just shakes his head.

"I can't."

"Why not?" she presses.

"I'm moving at the end of the year."

Dani pauses and stares at him, trying to make eye contact. Memo doesn't look up.

"What? When? Why? Weren't you going to tell us?"

Dani is questioning a mile a minute and poor Memo's hands start shaking as his eyes water.

She stops when she sees that he's not going to answer, on the verge of a panic attack.

"Okay, okay, okay," Dani steadies herself. "My mom sometimes gets panic attacks. Go turtle and take deep breaths. You're okay just keep breathing."

The room is quiet with just their breathing for a bit.

Finally, after a few minutes, Memo's breathing grows lighter and he smiles at his friend.

"I'll tell you, but you can't tell the others yet. I want to figure out if I can convince my parents if I can stay."

Dani promises and Memo begins to tell her about what his dad shared with him after the day they all sang karaoke. For the first time since that day, Memo no longer looks like he's carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders.

au where tenoch doesn't interrupt

"Well actually," Memo begins, nervous to be saying the news outloud because it made it feel more real, "my dad is taking a permanent job in San Diego and told me that we're moving at the end of the school year. I haven't told anyone yet, but I don't want to go and when I tried to talk to them about it, they didn't want to hear me out."

Ilse nods and tries to give Memo a reassuring smile. "Do you have any relatives that you could stay with if you could stay until you finish high school?"

Memo shakes his head. "No, both of my parents are only children and both sets of my grandparents live in the States. That's another reason why they want to go. They think that we'll see them more often."

"Take a seat, Memo. This sounds like it's been weighing on you heavily," Ilse gestures to the seat in front of her desk. "Y'know I read your assignment for your childhood memory. It wasn't a happy one."

Memo stares down at the floor. "Did I misunderstand the assignment? I didn't realize that we were only supposed to write about a happy memory."

Now Ilse shakes her head. She takes a deep breath and steadied herself, ready to help her student. "No, Memo, you didn't do anything wrong. Your relationship with your parents is complicated. Is it okay for me to ask about that? You don't have to share anything that you're not comfortable with."

She watches his face. Watches as something clicks for Memo. Watches as the tears well up in his eyes and his cheeks become red splotches. Ilse pats his back and murmurs that it's okay and that he can feel safe here to share or not share anything that he's feeling. That she'll try to help him.

Memo starts at the 10th birthday party and tells her about the resentment that he couldn't quite identify when he told Marifer. About the stress of being a new student every year and not even a well liked one. He tells her about Pascual and how he won't be taking care of him if they move and how this is the first place that he's ever made friends. He confesses that he's scared that it won't get better than this, but also angry so so angry and tired that he doesn't get a choice. He's lived his whole life without a choice.

Ilse listens and pats his back as he tells her this. She sometimes nods in confirmation and sometimes just sits silently. She tells him about her dad and how he died before he knew her. Before he knew who she would be, who she was.

"Have you told your friends any of this?"

Memo shakes a bit as he replies no.

"It's okay to ask for help, Memo. That's what we're all here for. Thank you for sharing that with me," Ilse tells him and smiles.

Looking like a weight has been lifted from his shoulders, Memo finally looks up and asks, "What should I do?"