The eternal struggle between me (just trying to wash my hands) and this automatic sink (trying not to release more than two tiddlywinks of water at a time)

The bathroom robots at my office have different opinions of me. I open the door, the toilet flushes. I use the toilet, it flushes. I close the door, it flushes. The sink? Makes me beg for water. I have to wave my hands and speak an audible prayer for it to turn on. Moved my hands to get soap? Who are you? Answer these riddles three.

working with textiles is a trap. first they lure you in with knitting. then you pick up crochet (understandable enough). next you start getting curious in fiber. you learn how to spin (okay that’s a bit extra). weaving is cool, right? you now own a loom. heck, while we’re at it, why not starting making your own clothes (this is getting out of hand)? spinning is no longer enough for you — you need something stronger. you learn how to dye (stop i’m begging). dye is fun, but it’d be nice to have your own source of fiber. you are now a shepherd.

Paging @acakewalkofcrocodiles

She’s farting and vibing

Because it’s in no way knowledge that has any value, I’ll share this here: both shows worked on tight turnaround times so Extras were cast often at the very last minute which means a LOT of the “one line extras” were actors who were in low demand and thus available. Which is why some of them were, uh, less than great (also why Seinfeld’s “hot” girlfriends were largely just standard, attractive women even though the dialogue suggests they’re uniquely beautiful).

spiritually we are all sharing a cigarette by an open kitchen window

My mom has one of those outhouse ornaments and it’s the best because inside there’s a Santa with his pants down and he’s on a spring! It’s a bathroom decoration (what? Your mom doesn’t put up fake pine swags and ornaments in her house??) that we call “Shivering Shitting Santa on a Spring” and it’s my favorite Christmas decoration! I sincerely want one of my own but she doesn’t remember where it came from (probably a dollar store) and I’ve been unsuccessful in finding one on my own.

Rumpelstiltskin is a story about how if people find out you can do crafts they’ll want free shit

The Gravy Navy