Pursuit of Happiness

Heartbreak. I don’t think anyone can prepare you for the immense pain you will feel when it happens to you. You literally feel like you’re dying and that your life is over. You cry for hours at a time and it just won’t stop and it’s all you can think about. Can’t even listen to sad songs because they leave you in a puddle of tears. You go from sad to angry to alright back to sad in one day. It is an emotional roller coaster. You try to bargain with God. You text them and get to the point of practically begging. If they see how hurt I am they will want to fix this. Everyone try’s to give you encouraging words. “It will get better” “you will love again” and my all time favorite “all that works is time” you are craving for someone to tell you something to make it better. And you don’t believe anyone when they tell you those things. You think im gonna be this destroyed forever. You look online at articles and save quotes on how you’re feeling. You look at how to get your ex boyfriend back. But a point comes when you have to just stop. You have to put down the phone because most likely whenever you text them there not gonna say sorry and that they fucked up and that you can go back to normal. You just end up getting more hurt. So block him from everything. There are days when you reach for your phone and want to text him so bad but don’t. Write it down, cry it out and give it 10 minutes cause I guarantee you’ll feel a little better. I don’t care if you’re at work go to the bathroom and let it out whenever you need to. You’ll go from crying for hours straight, to maybe 10 minutes a day. Which doesn’t seem that great but it means you’re slowly getting better. You have to put one foot infront of the other each day and believe me I know how tough it is. You’ll have days where you’re sad all day and you’ll have days where you’re in a pretty good mood and don’t think too in depth about it. Instead of a constant ache all day it will only sting some and not be as bad. Little pieces of yourself will start to come back. Instead of being a crying zombie. You’ll start blasting that music in your car and singing along. You’ll listen to love songs and belt them out and not cry. You’ll finish a season of a show you guys used to watch and it won’t hurt to watch it. You’ll go out with a friend and laugh and not think about him. You can think about him and not burst into tears. You will have days where it stings like a bitch, but silence says more than anything. In reality I’m betting you tried everything you could and it’s sad but at least you gave it your all and it’s just time to stop no matter how much you don’t want to. The memories will fuck you up like no other but there’s no going back, you can only move forward. Because if he wanted to contact you he would. I had to learn that the hard way. It’s a tough thing to accept. Because one day someone WILL come along and won’t do this to you. I used to get irritated when people would say only time will help, but I’m finding out it is true. Make yourself leave the house for a few hours and hang with a friend, or go by yourself shopping. I never believed it would get better, but I’m finding out that it does get better a little at a time. I went from crying 3 hours a day multiple times and trying to text him to crying 10 minutes a day if that and not reaching for my phone at all anymore. and I shouldn’t have to beat myself up anymore for someone who doesn’t care and isn’t doing the same for me. Because i realize I am worth so much more than that and so are you. You shouldn’t have to beg someone to love you, that’s not how it’s supposed to be. “Don’t cross oceans for people who won’t cross puddles for you”