Hey, I think itâs gonna rainâ , I tell my cousin twin brothers. âKerala is at itâs best when it rains. But itâs even better when it rains after midnight.It is said that the Devil visits earth at this time of the nightâ, he tells me.
I grinned.
I smoked my 4th round in that bong. My dark armour was getting restless with all that cannabis coming in. My fallen-paladin brothers knew what I was. They never talked to me more than necessary.
The next evening I smoke up again and go to the crazy old witch doctor who lived in an abandoned shack. I didnât think he was so crazy after all.
The first time, he had troubles bowing to me. The Dark Lord in his young Paladin form stepping in his territory and actually speaking to him shook him. He mistook him for some pesky kid and tried to shoo him away. But as he came nearer and nearer to me he sensed my dark aura. He suddenly invited me in. I walk in quietly observing what he had. A goatâs tongue hung at the side - probably used for controlling oneâs tongue. Feline blood potions,Intestines,skulls and other stupid tools lay there. âAmateurâ , I mocked him .
I told him I needed Tamarind Leaves and herbal Oil .The old man looked at me with his crazy eyes wide open. He touched my forehead and asked me â What are you?â
I turned my head and walked away.
My brothers feared that the old man would hex me. Hex is a very common spell used by amateur black magic wizards/witches. I laughed at their concerns. I smoke up and in the smoke, I see her face. I sighed. She had been calling me for two straight weeks. But I had bigger things to do.
I knew I was a sadist.And I loved that.
5:30PM. The witch doctor stood humbly before his hut. He bowed to me this time.
I asked him what he wanted as a payment.
He told me. I agreed.
He lights the fire and chants while I remove my tee shirt and rub burial ashes all over me and I sit down. I look at the dedication in his eyes but still disappointed at his amateurishness .Â
I close my eyes . I feel something after 20 minutes.It hits me as soon as he throws the leaves into the fire pit.
âYajnaâ, he whispers into my ear. As soon as I find the word Iâm looking for it fully hits me. I enter my realm. I see a portal of hell. I am an ethereal form unable to attack nor defend but only interact. I find the Lord sitting on his fiery throne. I go to him. I donât speak to him because I canât. I just look at him and he looks at me. I understand. I make my way out of there. But I canât seem to do it. I take deep breaths . I feel the smell of the herbal oil on my forehead. I open my eyes.
The Old man Looks at me with terror. I look back at him with bloodshot eyes.
He offers me a rubber or some sort which when inhaled gives you a very dangerous high.I look at his trembling hands. He asked for my blessings. I give him money and leave.
She calls me in the night and I pick up. Two minutes into the conversation she starts crying. I always loved to hear the sound of soft crying. The most painful of the painfullest sorrow results in soft crying. I savour that moment and tell her to call me when sheâs done crying and I cut the call. I switch off my phone and I step outside to smoke Keralaâs finest weed.My brothers offer me Acid and I take it.Blood vessels start popping inside my eyes.
3 AM I call her and she starts crying again. My trip has finally settled in and Iâm much less ruthless now. I comfort her. She tells she misses me. âI miss you â.
âI hate school mummyâ ,I tell her. She makes a nutella sandwich and gives it to me and tells me to rush down or I would miss my bus. School was actually good.
9th grade was so exciting.I loved school so much ,it scared me. I loved being anywhere but home.
I walk through the streets of the holiest city in this world thinking about her.
I text her.
Me:Hi! What are you doing?
Her:Hey! Long time. I almost missed you.
Me: Haha I missed you for real.
H:Yeah whatevs.Do you know whoâs A by the way?
M:Umm, yeah I guess. Why? Whatâs up?
H: Yeah? really? Cuz we kind of kissed yesterday.
M: ...
H:You ok?
 I fought with her that night.I cursed her and her stupid boyfriend. I just couldnât digest all this in one day. I did apologize later but it was in vain. The pain was a little too much for a 9th grader. The depression in me had just obtained a source of fuel.It started from there. My parents would go to work, thus the house was always empty . I enjoyed a quiet home but never could stay alone for more than two or three hours. A quite home where I barely talked to my mother for more than three years. I almost never talked to my dad .
I cried for her. I know she didnât do the same and was probably making out with her new boyfriend and that made me cry even more . I buried my face with my hands and wept hard. I removed my hands. I couldnât find tears.Realization swept across me. Something hit me in the head. I felt cold. I didnât sleep the next 36 hours. She had officially stopped talking to me. She had blocked my number and on Facebook too. It was over without starting.
                   Â
I remembered me crying .But somehow her crying sounded much more better than mine. But I showed her mercy when she didnât . I couldâve broke her heart right there in a irreparable way and left her clinging for life.
I promised Iâd meet her after 2 months.
I flew to Chennai the next week.