What can I really say, I’m still in love with you to this very day. But I can’t tell you, I don’t wanna ruin this friendship that we have. Jealousy hit me when there’s other girls on your snaps, but you’re not mine anymore. I’ve been missing you a lot more lately, I’m moving in 2 weeks, do I hit you up or do I not?

It’s incredible how much I still think of you. I’ve been texting different girls, they make me smile in many different ways, but when I think about you and a memory of us, it makes me smile and makes my heart drop so much more than these girls. One minute I feel as if I’m connecting with one, something about you comes up and I just stop. This isn’t what you want me to do, you want me to be happy, but little do you know, you’re always the reason for my happiness, my down days, I think of your smile. When I’m stressed, I think of your soft touch to calm me. When I can’t sleep, I think about the times you kept kissing me on the forehead thinking I’m asleep when I feel every single of those soft kisses you give me.  I miss waking up to your snores, then I hug you a little tighter because your snores are so damn adorable. I miss that smile you give me when you wake up as you squeeze me harder. I miss the way you shake your butt waiting for me to hug you from behind. It’s just something about you that I can’t let go of. I need to let go. But I can’t. I never been this head over heels for a girl. It’s been 7 months. I miss your sweet, heartwarming smile. I’m still always here for you. I will always ALWAYS do anything I can to protect you. 

Watching everything about the travel bans just makes my damn heart drop. You always came to me to talk about Trump and him banning immigrants. You told me to not message you when you’re back home because it brings back memories and you wanna leave your personal life aside. But it’s killing me not being able to message you because I know you’re reading about travel bans and it’s probably hurting you. We always talked about what we would do if you weren’t able to come back. We always talked about what we would do if you finish school and can’t find a proper job. Which means you would have to go back home.. And it kills me to even think that you won’t be here. I just want to be there for you. I just want to hug you tight in my arms and tell you that things will eventually be okay. But I can’t do that. I’m trying my best to be just that friend for you. Things might not be okay right now, but it will.. I’ll never let anything happen to you.

We had a talk last night. During the whole conversation all I wanted to tell you how much I still loved you but I just couldn’t. I messaged you to make sure you and I were okay. It was nice to reassure you and tell you that I always have your back and will always support you. But it felt even better than you’ve been silently supporting me because currently you don’t want any time of romantic relationship and I respect that. I respect what you want for sure your future. The hardest part of this is that I can’t tell you about my feelings. That I still think you’re the one. That I am in love with you still and you’re constantly on my mind. I will tell you eventually. Not today. Not tomorrow but when the time is right. 6 and a half months since our break up and I still feel the same for you.

It’s embarrassing to think or say this.. But even after 6 months, I’m still in love with you. I’ve tried dating other girls, but you were constantly on my mind. You’re different from all the girls I’ve dated. I tell myself that there are other girls in the world for me. But none of them can be as perfect as you. I’m still in love with you and there hasn’t been a day where I don't think about you. It’s just killing me.

We broke up December 15, 2016. I usually get over breaks up fast and move on with my life. If I’m being honest, by now I would flirt with girls, go out and have fun with other girls. But, I can’t find a heart to do that. It’s not them they want, it’s you. Its been almost a month and a half, and I am not over you. I don’t want to go out and find someone else. I want to go out and be with you. People might think this is some bullshit that everyone says. Between most of my relationships are a few weeks apart. I have not fully been single since Sophomore year. I’m don’t want to date other girls. I don’t want to be with any other girls. It’s you that I want to be with. It’s you that I think about every freaken second of the day. I get good news or bad news at school. I get stressed, happy, sad, excited, overwhelmed, you’re the one on my mind. But, I can’t tell you any of this, we are trying our best to be friends right now. I rather have you as a friend than nothing at all. Today is January 24, 2017. It was suppose to be our one year anniversary. One year ago, I planned a day in Palo Alto, we explored the Stanford campus together, and we were happy. I was scared shitless all day long, my heart was pumping out of my chest and just seeing your smile was so breathtaking. You were my perfect girl. You were there with the good or bad and you never left. Today has been one of the hardest days.. I miss you and I still love you. I haven’t lost any feelings and I don’t want to. I still see a “us” in the future. I miss your smile, your touch, your kiss, your hugs, I truly miss you.