gh0st

my manager just soft fired me (removed me from the schedule and is having me be ‘on call’) like man, my last day at work is in 20 days could you not just wait

i desperately want to go back to losing, ive been practically stagnant for so long, but seriously restricting is just so hard...

i’ve eaten too much today

i have a strong want for a coach, i want that toxicity and for someone else to be in control. i know its bad so i haven’t like seriously looked for one but god doing this alone is boring and i like being told what to do

i hate that i need to be online

i feel like a failure modding ed spaces too, like so many others are doing better than me so why do i get to be the one to enforce the rules ?? i dont get it i don’t understand, people are at a constant negative net cals while im in the 800’s yet they’re not in charge ??

what would it take for someone to just punch me in the stomach as hard as they can and then pull my face back up to theirs by my hair ? to have them push me to the ground and hold my arms back by standing on them, lowering themselves onto my chest just so they can spit in my face ? is it really asking too much to want to have my head-shoved in a toilet and held there till i almost pas out ? am i really asking too much ???

i want to be beaten bloody

i have been between 154-156lbs for nearly 2 months and i want to cry