No Need To Call Me Sir, Proffessor

My contribution to the Trans-Affirming Magical Care zine, that was put together by @alexlcombs. 

Featuring Percy coming out and Fred and George being Fred and George. 

so the book came out when i was like 11 years old, and i remember my dad buying it for me on the day that it was released. reading it as an 11 year old, i remember loving it. my eleven year old straight brainwashed ass was the number one rose and scorpius shipper. i would even say that it was my favorite book for a while, so mind you, when i went to re-read this past week i certainly wasn’t expecting it to be just so shit.

i mean, it was just so fucking bad.

it makes me mad because it could’ve been such an amazing story, but we all know that jk is a lazy writer. (along with the other writers that worked on the story, i’m assuming.)

the concept is there, for sure, but it’s so overshadowed by all of the absolute shit that is also there.

also this is just another case where jk had the perfect opportunity to include some lgbtq rep, and she didn’t. i mean, what were we really expecting from her at this point?

anyways, i thought i’d just list the moments that made me go “wtf” while i was re-reading it.....

-not really a moment, but just harry’s character in general. you’re telling me that harry “i grew up without anyone to love me” potter wasn’t a good dad? hell no. next please.

-okay wtf. albus severus literally makes out with hermione willingly. tHERE WASNT ANY OTHER WAY TO DISTRACT ALBUS? U JUST HAD TO MAKE OUT WITH HER? BYE-

-three words. death eater cedric.

-literally why??? why did voldemort have to have a child with bellatrix???? like i know that’s the main conflict but just no.........

-also albus severus literally flirting with her then..... pLEASE ALBUS WHAT EVEN

-the whole trolly witch thing just like, what even????

-also you’re telling me that hermione fucking granger made it so easy to get to the time turner that 2 kids and and unstable witch could get to it? what....

Seamus gave a great roar of delight then ran to give Dean a lung crushing hug before pulling him down into a desperate kiss that was hungrily returned. Harry supposed ‘best friends’ was no longer an accurate description of the pair. 

or:

There were duels all over the stairs and in the Hall, Death Eaters everywhere Harry looked. He saw Alicia and Katie share a passionate kiss before they raced down the corridor to join the battle.

or maybe:

“Did I know in my heart of hearts what Gellert Grindelwald was? I think I did, but I closed my eyes. I chose to be blinded by my love for him. A choice that has haunted me ever since” 

or perhaps:

As Harry entered the great hall he walked past Lavender and Parvati who were sitting opposite the latter’s twin with their bodies pressed close together while their hands held the others in a death like grip that showed no signs of ever being let go.

or even:

“Albus Severus” Harry said quietly, so that nobody but Ginny could hear him, who tactfully turned to talk to Oliver and Marcus as they waved off their own three boys. 

Hermione: Has the wizarding world discovered vaccines?

Ron: A wax what?

Hermione: hmmmm

Harry: Hermione, we cant take out the death eaters with a genetically magicked disease

Hermione: No I know that. Of course I know that.

Hermione: HARRY NO! We already eradicated it once, let's not make the world do it again

Harry: Oh yeah, I guess you're right

Hermione, putting on a gas mask: New plan. We take them out with consumption and mustard gas

Harry: 

this is a severus snape free zone

I bet he‘d sing 75% about Draco Malfoy

Y‘know... the usual 'he‘s up to something'

'That git and his beautiful sparkling hair in the sun'

'Is this my sexual awakening?'

'What do girls want from me, I‘m busy stalking Draco these days' (years actually*)

'Since when has the ferret become Draco?' (Could also be a duet between him and Ron, Harry singing curious and Ron singing a little horrified)

Add 15% Draco singing about 'stupid Potter'

'And his stupid hair, glasses and broomstick'

'What else can I do to make him notice me?'

'I got a plan and a brand new song!-'

Or wait- maybe just 10%, add 5% as Slytherin choir singing 'pls not again Draco'

And the last 10% will go to Hermione and Ron singing about 'Harry m8 you sing too much about Draco, wth just ask him out' (the Slytherin choir in the background singing 'pls just fcking do it Potter')

Oh and add 2% of Fred and George with their iconic song 'Gred and Forge' and mayve even a song about their favorite ship: 'Drarry‘, just because