that is who we truly are

“No, I don’t want just anyone.” He huffed before quickly ordering a drink, trying to get off topic. “Stop that!”

“Sure, you want whoever you...pro-create with!” Sirius responded, taking a long drag in frustration. “I can’t do this, Remus. I -- I can’t. I don’t know what but I can’t.”

Remus frowned then. “Don’t say that. Anyone would be lucky to settle down with you.” He shook his head. “No, Pads. That’s you so shush.” He poked his tongue out.

“Nah, no one’s gonna put up with me for long, not even my family wanted me.” Sirius laughed somewhat bitterly and shrugged. “Whatever, who needs love anyways?”

Remus frowned at that and looked at him. “You have me…” But then he decided to quickly add. “I don’t know whether you have anyone. I was just told a few things.” He muttered before nodding. “Apparently, yes.”

“No, you have someone...do you know who?” Sirius asked, trying to ignore the hint of jealousy in his voice. “Probably not, I told you I’d never settle down.”

“I’m not a child, Sirius.” He sighed and furiously wiped at his eyes. Remus shrugged then. “I don’t know. I never found out. I only know there’s a war… A lot of people die. I have a son, James has a son… Who defeats Voldemort.”

Sirius paused at his words, his heart pausing for a moment in shock. “Why don’t I have anyone? Wait, James’ son defeats that son of a bitch?” He asked, both angry, hurt and impressed at the same time. 

Remus nodded and smiled. “I’m sure whoever you have kids with will be very happy at that.” He shook his head. “No… Too handsome for me…”

“I don’t think anyone’ll ever settle down with me, I’m too much of a pain.” Sirius rolled his eyes and let out a huff. “No way, Moons, you’re the handsome one here.”

He looked down, eyes watering. Remus didn’t know all that much about what happened, but he already hated it. “I-I don’t know! Okay, I don’t know… But James died and then Lily died. Peter wasn’t the one who killed them, Pads… It was… voldemort.” He trailed off, shaking his head.

Sirius ran a hand desperately through his hair, using his spare hand to fumble into his pocket for his pack of cigarettes. “That...that -- You’re too young to hear the words I want to use right now.” Sirius spat, finally grabbing a cigarette and lighting it, pausing his pacing so he could take a long drag. “What happens to us, Moons? Please tell me you at least were safe.”

Remus shook his head then. “I don’t think that’d be a great idea.” He chuckled before whining. “No! Of course not, Sirius! You’re… You’re very handsome.”

“I can’t imagine having that many kids, I’d be in Padfoot mode the entire time.” Sirius countered, shivering dramatically at the thought of that many kids. “Just not handsome enough for you, hm?”

Remus sniffled a little and played with his friend’s hand. “I-I don’t know… But he turns onto the other side. James and Lily… They’re killed protecting their son, Harry…”

“No, that’s not...that’s not peter. He wouldn’t do that to us..he’s not even -- smart enough.” Sirius said angrily before standing up and beginning to pace. “No, James is here he’s fine. And like Lily would let Peter would kill Lily. She’d smack him.” 

Remus rolled his eyes playfully. “You really want seven children? Little pups huh?” He chuckled nervously and looked away. “I do not want to ‘shag’ you.” He kept his face away as he walked to hide the blush. “Don’t tell James..”

“Yes! Little wolf puppies.” Sirius grinned back, giving a wink to his best friend. “What? Am I too ugly for you, is that what you’re saying?”

Remus pulled back a little, taking Sirius’ hand. He lead them towards a more private booth. So much for his flirtation techniques. He sat down before sighing. “It’s… It’s not your fault, Sirius. I was told what happens. Peter’s a traitor.”

Sirius found himself instinctively interlocking his fingers around the other’s, following him. “Wait, what? Why would Pete do that?” Sirius questioned, sitting down next to the werewolf, hand still in his. 

Remus nodded and rubbed his friend’s back. “I wish I could promise that, Pads… But I’m full of bad decisions.” He teased a little before closing his eyes.

“No, I would never! Just seems unfair for you to use your charm on others while married.” He chuckled before frowning. “What?”

Remus screwed his eyes shut, his grip tightening a little. He just wanted to stay in this moment. “I-I think it’s true in that world. In that time. But not here… Here’s different. Here’s safe. I can’t lose you all…”

“That’s normal wolves, Pads. In case you hadn’t noticed, what I turn into every month is hardly a normal animal.” He raised a brow before looking to him. “You wouldn’t be Gryffindor’s top charmer if you were tied down to me, would you?” Remus looked away to hide his red face. “Doubt that. Besides, it’s not like I have anything to compare to.”

"Are you really doubting my charm, Remus John Lupin?” Sirius questioned, wiggling his eyebrows. “Is this you saying what I think you’re saying?”

He scoffed before blowing another raspberry. “I’m not brilliant, shuddup.” Remus mumbled as he tried to hide his face in Sirius neck as they danced. He sighed softly. “I’m so glad you’re here, Pads… I felt so lost without you.”

Sirius paused for a moment, feeling his heart stop slightly at his words. “I missed you, Moony. I’ve heard some stuff..about us, and James. About us dying...do you think it’s real?”