pichi

“Done.”

That’s all the message said. It’s all that it needed to. It was a routine at this point, he beats the shit out of someone, and you get him the fuck out of there before anything else can come of it.

“On my way.”

You grabbed the spare key to his car, which he entrusted to you quite a few months ago. You stepped outside, squinting reflexively from the bright summer sun. You should’ve bought sunglasses a long time ago, but Jake promised that he’d give you Gun’s after he finally gets revenge. You weren’t exactly optimistic, but you wanted to believe it, more for his sake than your own. That being said, you never went out of your way to get yourself a pair.

You sped on your way there, just like you always did. You weren’t new to this. You knew which roads to take, and you knew which ones to avoid. Even so, it was a miracle that you’d never received a speeding ticket. You watched mirages form and dissipate on the baking blacktop. A part of you wondered how hot it would have to get before your tires melted.

You pulled up to the spot he told you to meet him at before he even left. It was a large construction site. The whole place was more or less exposed to the elements, so much so that you could almost see the heat rising off the ground. Nobody was there with the exception of you, him, and the guy on the floor. You chalked it up to it being a Sunday. You stepped out of the vehicle, lighting a cigarette as you approached him.

“This heatwave is killer,” you muttered, standing next to him in the only shaded spot as far as the eye could see.

“I thought you were gonna quit,” he said, gesturing to the cigarette in your hand.

You took a single drag before grumbling and putting it out. You two made a pact to quit together, but it was harder than you anticipated.

“You made it look easy,” you huffed, handing him the box. “But I guess it’s hard to take a break with a bounty on your head, huh?”

He rolled his eyes, stuffing the box into his pocket to dispose of later.

“I’m just looking out for you,” he said, it was uncharacteristically tender.

You glanced at him with a soft expression before gathering your composure.

“Get in the car, ‘kay? I’m gonna put that guy in the shade before he wakes up.”

He nodded, making his way to the passenger seat while you walked off to take care of business. You crouched next to the guy on the floor, picking up his hand and dropping it over his face to make sure he was actually unconscious. It was a habit you had to learn the hard way.

“Alright buddy, let’s get you out of the sun,” you said, wrapping your arms around his torso and dragging him into the shade. “Don’t take it personally.”

You made your way back to the car, climbing into the driver’s seat. You sighed from the immediate relief of the air conditioner, which was on full blast. You wiped the sweat from your hairline, and looked over at Jake. You took note of his tight jaw and the bruises on his skin. You patted his shoulder sympathetically.

“You did good today,” you said, finally breaking the silence.

You got on the highway, fully intending on taking him back to Gangseo. The air conditioning whipped your hair around wildly as you drove along the Han River.

“I’m in bad shape, Y/N,” he confided.

You glanced at him, heart skipping a beat when you saw the intensity of his gaze. You’ve been by his side long enough to know that look. He didn’t want this to get out to the rest of Big Deal.

“I know,” you spoke. You knew better than sugarcoating. “It’s okay, we’re almost home.”

The air was thick with an unspoken tension. He turned up the volume, hoping to drown out the thoughts that swirled violently in his head. You grabbed his hand to stop him, turning the music off again.

“Talk to me, Jake.”

He shifted in his seat, twirling his thumbs in his lap. It always drove you nuts when he did that.

“Do you think I’m a failure?” He asked, not looking up from his awkwardly placed hands.

You looked at him with a completely perplexed expression.

“What? No?” you said, putting your attention back on the road. “Where are you even getting that idea?”

He sat silently for a good minute, glancing between your side profile and the skyline behind it.

“I’m no Gapryong,” he muttered quietly.

He pulled his father’s gloves out of his pocket and clenched them in his fists with a scowl.

You set your hand on top of his, it was a gentle touch, like you were scared he’d shatter in your palms. Your heart panged with a feeling that you didn’t have a name for.

You were quiet for quite some time after that.

“So what?” You asked, voice ever so slightly tighter than usual. “You’re Jake... which isn't exactly a downgrade.”

He clenched his jaw, you saw the strain in his temple out of the corner of your eye.

“Don’t clench your jaw,” you said, cupping one of his cheeks without looking away from the sprawling highway in front of you.

You massaged his jaw with a tender touch, telling yourself you wouldn’t make casual contact a habit again. This time the promise was for your own sake.

He leaned into your touch, eyelashes fluttering against his cheekbone. He looked up at you with soft eyes. Your heart hammered impossibly hard against your ribcage, and your stomach did somersaults. You tried to pull your hand away, but he held you firmly in place.

“Please,” he muttered softly against your palm.

“Jake… I-” You started speaking, but the words caught in your throat.

Your heart was pounding, and you struggled to regain your composure. You were getting closer and closer to Gangseo, and you were terrified of what Big Deal would think if they saw this. You paused, deep in thought before you made up your mind, pulling off on an exit that was significantly earlier than your destination. You didn't have much of a choice, it was all getting to be so heavy, and you needed somewhere to soften the blow.

“Let’s get something to eat. I’m sure you’re starving…” you said, your hand still gingerly placed on his jawline.

You drove down the familiar streets of Seongsu. Your childhood home wasn’t far, so you knew a lot of the best hole-in-the-wall restaurants in the area.

“Where are we going?” Jake asked, still looking at you with that expression that made your chest tighten.

“Don’t worry,” you said, focusing on the road again. “I know a place.”

You pulled into the parking lot of a quaint little restaurant that was owned by your childhood friend’s family. You and your parents had eaten here countless times back in the day. You smiled just thinking about it.

“They have the best Dakjuk in all of Seoul,” you said with a grin. “I actually hated it before coming here.”

You undid your seatbelt, climbing out of the car and stretching your legs. All the familiar sights and scents hit you at once, causing a wave of nostalgia to wash over you.

“Ready to go in?” You asked softly, looking at Jake over the roof of the car.

Jake nods, and the two of you make your way in. The door chimes when it opens, a tone that hasn’t changed a bit since you were a kid. The air smelled strongly of tteokbokki and sesame, and for the first time in years, you almost felt at home. You turned to Jake, who stood hesitantly by the door. His large frame was akin to a bull in a china shop, very out of place. The two of you locked eyes for a split second before looking away.

“Y/N? Is that really you?” A familiar voice called from behind the counter.

You turned around to face her. Seeing her eyes light up sent a pang of guilt through your chest. You didn’t like to think about all the people you more or less left behind when you went to Gangseo.

She hugged you tightly before holding you out at an arm’s length, looking over each of your features with curiosity.

“My, look how you’ve grown!” She exclaimed. “Your mother would be so proud of you.”

“Hi Mrs. Soo,” You grinned awkwardly.

She then turned her attention to Jake, looking him over with careful consideration, and an ounce of what looked to be skepticism.

“Is this your boyfriend?” She asked, and before you could even respond, she was feeling up his muscular arms and trying to eyeball his height. “How handsome~ Goodness, you two look like something right out of a movie! You know, my little Sahyun just got married! Love really is in the air!”

“Auntie- That’s not- We’re not dating,” you tried to explain, but it was no use.

“Okay my little Y/N, I’ll bring you some Dakjuk right away! It’s on the house!” She cheered, giving you yet another hug that almost knocked the air right out of you. “And don’t worry, I’ll bring extra for your special someone! He’s got to keep his strength up for you, my dear!”

You were pretty sure you both wanted to die before you were even seated. You led him to a booth in the corner of the restaurant, flopping into the seat with a huff.

“I’m so sorry about that,” you said, eyes glued to anything that was not Jake. “I was certain that everyone here would’ve forgotten about me by now.”

The two of you were quiet, shifting around on occasion. You tried to fill the silence, but it was easier said than done.

“You’re just not forgettable,” he admitted, resting his cheek on his palm as he looked at the trees swaying outside the window.

You scoffed.

“Compared to you? I’m a ghost at best.”

You don’t know why you said it, and you did in fact cringe after the fact. The way you said it sounded like a joke, but you were voicing one of your deeper fears.

“That’s not true and you know it,” he pushed back with finality.

The two of you fell silent again. The booth felt too small, and what you once thought of as a home away from home had grown unfamiliar. Your knees pressed against each other, and you were afraid to move, lest you draw his attention to it.

“I dunno,” you said, trailing off as you also gazed out of the window.

The sun peeked out from between the leaves, casting an ethereal, golden glow over the street. You glanced at him, wondering briefly what he was thinking about. The lady came by your table, dropping off the Dakjuk with a soft smile.

“Enjoy!” She called out as she made her way back to the kitchen.

You hummed, looking down at the bowl. The steam rose up in billows that brushed right over your nose.

“I came here all the time with my family, you know,” you explained. “My parents didn’t live far away.”

You watched his expression carefully, weary about boring him or over sharing.

“That lady was like an auntie to me. She was best friends with my mom.”

He watched you with a curiosity in his gaze that felt a little unfamiliar.

“You never told me what happened to them,” he said, taking a bite of his porridge. “Your parents, that is.”

Your breath hitched, and you broke eye contact.

“It’s a long story,” you started. “…I’m sure I’ll tell you eventually… it’s a pretty big part of why I joined Big Deal to begin with.”

He didn’t seem satisfied with that answer, but he didn’t pry. You have your secrets, and he was no different. He ran his hand through his hair trying to dissipate that little bit of frustration that was blooming in his mind. The way he saw it, you’d known each other for so long that there was no point in not telling each other these things.

Your eyes lingered on his slightly furrowed brows, and the jaw that he just couldn’t seem to unclench, and you sighed. You glanced down at his hands, noting the visible damage. You debated for a second before ultimately deciding to help him out.

“Here, let me,” you muttered, taking the spoon from his hand. “I’m a bit worried, it’s not like you to lose this much dexterity. Did you break something?”

You filled the spoon with a bite of porridge, bringing it up to his lips. He hesitated, glancing between you and the spoon before he gathered the courage to accept your kind gesture.

“I don’t think so,” he responded. “It’s probably just contusions again.”

You hummed thoughtfully in response before feeding him a few more bites in silence. You watched his reactions carefully, trying to make sure that you weren’t overstepping anything.

“It’s not that I don’t want to tell you about my past,” you started, taking a long and thoughtful pause. “I just think that some skeletons are best kept in closets.”

“I don’t know if I can agree with that,” he confessed. “I think secrets in our world are just another thing that gets you killed.”

“I- Well- It’s nothing like that,” you stammered, realizing that you made it sound way more sinister than you had ever intended.

You fed him another bite before taking one for yourself.

“If you really wanna know, I’ll tell you…” you said, watching the sun begin to fall under the skyline, casting long shadows over the streets of Seongsu.

His eyes lit up eagerly, it’s clear that the curiosity was eating him up for years.

“Uh well… how do I say this without making everything all gloomy,” you said with a nervous grin.

“You don’t have to make it palatable,” he said with a long pause. “…I just wanna get to know you better. The parts of you that you keep hidden.”

Your eyes were fixed to your bowl of porridge, which you stirred aimlessly as a futile attempt to buy time.

“It wasn’t some grand affair. It was just quiet…” You started, turning your gaze to the window, where you looked at your reflection more than the scenery. “One day they were there, and the next they were gone. The note said they didn’t want to leave me behind like that. I didn’t understand what it meant until I was older.”

It was as if the whole world went silent. Jake, the birds outside, the kitchen, not a single peep from any of it.

“That’s why I came to Big Deal,” you said with a lopsided grin, clearly more bothered by any of it than you’d admit. “I needed to drown out that silence.”

Jake didn’t speak, he couldn’t find the words if he tried. All he could do was reach across the table and hold your hand tight like he was scared you’d slip away. He looked at you with eyes that spoke thousands of words, but you couldn’t read any of them.

Your heart ached and contorted until you couldn’t take it anymore. You finally tore your eyes away from his, opting to look at literally anything else.

“Sorry…” you stated awkwardly. “I know it’s pretty grim.”

He squeezed your hand, wincing a little from the bruising.

“Stop doing that,” he said with some agitation. “You gotta quit minimizing yourself to keep other people comfortable.”

“Yeah sure, maybe,” you halfheartedly agreed, taking a final bite of your porridge.

“Do you want the rest?” You asked, gesturing to the last quarter of your meal.

“I’ll pass,” he said. “I’m getting pretty full.”

The sky was starting to get a little dark, serving as a solemn reminder that Seongsu was just a detour, never the destination.

“This whole ‘happy couple’ act is giving me hives,” you said with a huff. “Let’s go home before she starts asking about a wedding.”

Jake gave an expression that was almost something akin to a smile, but it seemed hollow. Either way, he stood up with you.

It was avoidance. You knew that, and yet you’d never say it.

“If you insist,” he shrugged, following your lead back to the car.

You climbed back into the driver’s seat, revving the engine while you wait for Jake to climb in.

“C’mon, Jerry’s probably worried sick,” you said, looking at him with a frown.

He groaned, metaphorically kicking his heels into the ground, but ultimately listened. He knew you were right. There were bigger responsibilities waiting at home.

You peeled out of the parking lot and made your way back to the familiar highway, rolling down your window and letting the summer wind whip your hair. It was an enchanting sight, really. Jake was thoroughly mesmerized, more so than he already was before your little pit stop.

“It’s only another 25-ish minutes with traffic, but do you wanna listen to some music?” you asked, glancing at him with the same smile that always seemed to make his heart rate increase.

“Maybe. Only if you do,” he responded with practice nonchalance.

It was an obvious façade.

He was doing that thing again. Speaking all softly, it made the car feel too small. You wanted to wince, but if living as a ghost taught you anything, it was keeping emotions invisible. You hummed, putting on something fast and loud to try and break the tension.

You felt his eyes on you from the reflection in the window, mirroring the way he watched you during the ride from the construction site. Your stomach flipped with the same lurch that made you pull over in Seongsu. A tingling warmth crawled up your neck, but you glued your eyes firmly to the road in front of you and tried to convince yourself that it was just the summer air.

You couldn’t bring yourself to acknowledge the weakening barrier between you and him. It wasn’t right, and it sure as hell wasn’t professional. Your thoughts were violently interrupted by Jake’s hand brushing against yours. You winced, more by instinct than anything else. Every single alarm in your mind was going off at once, and for a second you wondered if you should pull away.

‘You said you wouldn’t make this a habit. It’s fleeting and you know it. Stop letting this matter,’ you scolded yourself internally.

Despite what you considered to be your better judgment, you didn’t pull away. At least not fully. Your hand hovered for a moment, barely making contact with his until you decided it was safe enough to rest it again. The cracks in your armor were widening, and widening fast. A bead of sweat formed on your brow while your pulse thumped rhythmically in your own ears.

You let out a shaky breath, trying to calm your ragged heartbeat. You bit your lip hard enough to nearly draw blood. You finally managed to look at him, watching him stare at your now-clammy hand with the patience of a saint. As flattering as it was, it only made your chest tighten.

“We’re back,” you said, still forcing yourself to avoid eye contact. “We’re still a ways away from the street, though.”

“You’re talking your way out of things. Again,” he teased gently before returning to the more somber side of himself that he’d been expressing. “You don’t have to run just because it’s quiet.”

You sat there in silent hesitation before extending your pinkie over the side of his hand, inviting the slightest bit more contact.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” you responded, but it was a blatant lie that you both saw right through.

He didn’t push for an explanation or more contact. He just sat there for a minute, enjoying what he had finally earned.

“I’m not going anywhere,” He spoke carefully, doing what he could to convey his thoughts without scaring you away.

You decided not to answer that, you figured silence was safer. You finally made it to the Big Deal street, you pulled up to the main building and killed the engine.

“Jerry should be here any second,” you said quietly.

You didn’t want to, but you finally moved your hand away from his to unfasten your seatbelt. You gave him an apologetic look before stepping out of the car. As anticipated, Jerry and the others were already on their way as soon as you parked. You bowed a proper 90° before taking your usual spot next to Lineman.

You reached into your pocket and fumbled for a second, pulling out nothing but lint. You scowled in pure disappointment.

“Need a cig?” Lineman asked, holding his box out to you.

You paused, glancing up at Jake and noticing that he was unfortunately watching your interaction carefully.

“God, I wish,” you grumbled. “I’m trying to quit.”

He patted your shoulder, it was nice to have that sort of camaraderie.

“Shit man, you’re a lot stronger than me,” he said casually before walking off now that his presence wasn’t officially required.

You spun on your heel, hoping to make a similar exit before a familiar voice called from behind you. You turned around and bowed immediately.

“You were with him all day, so you know where most of his injuries are. Do you think you can take care of the boss while I work on my homework?” Jerry asked kindly.

You clenched your jaw, hesitation was beginning to manifest physically in your mannerisms, but you agreed. After all, who would deny doing a favor for Jerry? He’s an angel.

“Yeah of course, I’ll get to it right away.”

“Thanks Y/N, you’re the best,” he said as he began making his way home.

Now it was time for your little walk of shame. You looked up at the moon, which had just began to peek above the horizon, and you sighed. You kicked a rock out of the path, the closest thing to a temper tantrum you could allow yourself to have.

You knocked twice on the already open door to Jake’s bedroom.

“Come in,” he called, still in work mode.

You stepped in slowly, avoiding direct eye contact.

“Jerry has homework tonight, so he asked me to get you patched up,” you explained, standing stiffly.

You approached the desk, which he sat on casually. You looked him over for a split second before setting down the first aid kit. It opened with a satisfying little ‘click’. You sifted through individually wrapped bandages, ointments, creams, and anything else you could possibly need.

The room was saturated in residual summer heat and stale dust, but it was quickly overpowered by the bite of the antiseptic that you soaked into a cotton ball like second nature. Your breathing was shallow and shaky, and your hands weren’t faring much better. You faced him, keeping your gaze firmly on his face. The longer you could go without acknowledging that he was already shirtless, the better.

You took his hand in your own, the warmth immediately radiating through the thick, calloused skin. You hovered for a split second before pressing the antiseptic into the cracks in his knuckles. He winced. His hands instinctively grasped yours, lingering longer than necessary.

You didn’t pull away.

You should have.

“Y/N,” he breathed, it came out more like a plea than a name.

You almost didn’t respond. Almost. The smallest hint of a frown tugged at the corner of your lips as you finally looked up at him.

His mouth tightened and he glanced around the room before finally returning his gaze to you.

“You’re doing it again,” he half whispered, voice straining in his throat. “…Trying to disappear.”

You pulled away in a single, jagged movement. You grabbed an ice pack, wrapping it in a soft cloth like clockwork.

“I’m not disappearing,” you deflected, pressing the cool material to a bruise that bloomed over his ribs. “I’m right here, doing my job like always.

He sucked air in sharply through his teeth. He placed his hand over yours, the contrast in the heat from his skin and the freezing cold ice pack was enough to startle you.

“You’re physically here,” he said sternly. “But I already know you’re checking out, Y/N. If it were up to you, you’d already be gone… halfway down the block before you even stopped to think.”

You flinched. Silence settled over the room but his accusations still echoed in your mind. You set the ice pack down, staring at it for a beat before glancing at Gapryong’s gloves.

“You don’t understand,” you whispered, stepping away from him. “You don’t know what you’re pushing.”

Jake’s expression softened, but his voice stayed low and steady.

“Then tell me. What are you so afraid of? Because I’m right here, and you’re still halfway out the door.”

Your heart skipped a beat, you wiped your clammy palms on your jeans.

You held your breath for a moment.

“This… I don’t know if I can trust myself with this,” you gestured at your surroundings vaguely.

Jake’s eyes soften, sending a jolt of something inexplicable down your spine. He grabbed your wrist again, bringing you even closer than before. You stumbled and placed your hands on his chest to stabilize yourself. He wrapped his arm around your waist, ensuring you wouldn’t move another inch. Your entire face was flushed as you squirmed against him, trying to break out of his grasp.

“Jake, let go,” you muttered, still trying to wiggle away, leveraging your palms against his chest to no avail.

He placed a palm over your mouth, effectively shutting you up.

“Please Y/N. Stay… just for now.” He interrupted.

You sighed in defeat. You slouched your shoulders, hesitantly letting yourself relax into his touch. He moved his palm away from your mouth, instead he cupped your cheek and made you look at him.

“I don’t know why you insist on fighting me,” he said, staring into your eyes with a depth that made you wince.

“It’s just not right,” you muttered, glancing at his lips for a fraction of a second. “I mean, look at you.”

He looked at you, expecting an explanation that never came. You knew that none of your explanations would satisfy him.

The room was quiet enough to hear a pin drop. Your face was covered in sweat, and you stood as rigidly as you could. You didn’t just feel seen, you felt exposed.

The silence was interrupted by the doorknob jiggling. You knew it would be bad before anything even happened. You just didn’t expect it to be THIS bad.

“Boss, I finished my homework early,” Jerry stated cheerily as he opened the door. “I figured I’d take over from here- oh.”

The yakult he brought for Jake slipped right out of his hands, popping open and spilling all over the floor. You were mortified, frozen completely solid for a second before squirming even harder.

“Hi- uh- it’s not what it looks like!!!”

It was exactly what it looked like.

“In fact, yeah, feel free to take over! I was just finishing up anyways!!”

You never wanted to die more in your entire life. In fact, if a hole in the ground opened up and swallowed you right then and there, you would’ve considered that a favorable outcome.

“N-no, I think you can handle this,” Jerry said, covering his face in shame. “I’m gonna go study. I’ll come back later. Actually, maybe I’ll just study forever.”

Jake was laughing his ass off, which only made things even worse for both of you. You shot him a glare, and briefly considered nudging his ribs.

“I’ll just tell the others you’re busy… with boss stuff,” Jerry continued, and god you wanted nothing more than for him to shut up.

“Close the door behind you, please,” Jake called.

Jerry bowed a full 90°, mirroring your earlier actions, and backed out of the room so fast that he almost tripped over his own feet.

It was quiet for a minute.

Then two.

Then three.

“You didn’t take the cigarette from Lineman earlier,” he said, finally breaking the silence.

You still couldn’t look at him, but you gave up on squirming a long time ago. You stared at your beat up converse, occupying yourself by counting threads.

“Yeah…” you responded.

He looked at you so carefully that it almost made you sick. You were never one for being observed, and it only felt worse when it was him. You spent so long trying to keep your distance, and now that those walls have seemingly crumbled, you didn’t know what to do about it.

“Don’t make a big deal out of it…” You said, but you didn’t know if you were talking to him or yourself anymore.

Just like you couldn’t tell your heartbeat from his at this distance.

“I didn’t,” he responded. “I just noticed… that’s all.”

That’s where your real issue was. You hated that he noticed you at all.

“Well quit doing that,” you muttered, glancing at him just long enough to regret it.

You turned your attention back to the ice pack. You pressed it against his ribs again, but this time it was gentler.

“You’re probably gonna want to keep this through the night. It’ll keep the swelling down.”

He sighed, but he didn’t say anything. You could feel his eyes on you, and your skin burned under the scrutiny.

“You’re doing it again.”

Your fingers trembled ever so slightly. You took a deep breath to settle yourself again.

“…Doing what?”

You knew the answer. You asked anyway.

“Pretending this is all there is to it,” he answered softly, gesturing at the space between the two of you.

Silence fell over the room again. You kept yourself occupied with the bandaging, it felt safer to be busy. You didn’t want to think about him, about you, or about whatever was happening between the two of you. If you could turn your brain off, you’d do it without a moment of hesitation.

“You know, Y/N,” he started, following it immediately with a long pause. “…I’ve been thinking.”

He averted his gaze for the first time in what felt like hours. The air was thin, and your resolve was getting thinner too. You looked at him, analyzing every little shift in his expression.

“Sometimes I wonder what it’d be like if I didn’t have to be…” He paused, trying to find the words. “…this.”

You stopped what you were doing.

He gazed out of the window with a wistful expression, and something in your chest tightened.

“My whole life feels like it was decided for me… What I’m supposed to be, what I’m supposed to do,” he paused. “None of it was ever mine to decide.”

Your fingers tightened around the icepack. Both arms fell slack to your sides. He exhaled a long, shaky breath, and you held yours instinctively.

“You do the same thing, you know,” he said, turning and locking eyes with you. “You act like you’re just passing through. Like you’re not allowed to be a part of it.”

He smiled, but it felt heavy, like he didn’t really mean it.

“People like us don’t get a choice, do we?”

You stared at the floor for a moment, tracing the grain of the wood with your eyes.

“Maybe we just got used to it…” you said. “Being what everyone expected.”

He didn’t respond right away. Neither of you did.

The silence stretched, but it was heavier this time, weighted by the fact that neither of you knew what to do with it. You knew that you said too much, but it was too late to take it back, so you just sat there, mere inches away from him.

“Yeah…” he answered, far quieter than before.

There was no satisfaction of an agreement, nor were there any signs of contention. It was just a quiet acknowledgement. It was unsettling in a way.

His hand shifted towards yours. You noticed. You always notice. Your fingers twitched again as you weighed the option to run, but you never made the first step. You just stayed put.

“…You don’t think about it too much, do you?” you asked.

It was quiet. Not accusatory, just straight to the point.

“Not until you do,” he answered.

The words settled between you. Your head spun from the weight of them.

You were so close that you could feel the warmth radiating off his skin. It wouldn’t have taken much, if anything to close the gap. You didn’t know what to think of that anymore.

You shifted ever so slightly. Your fingers brushed against his. It was nothing, really, but you still froze. You told yourself it was an accident, but you knew it wasn’t. He didn’t pull away. If anything, he stilled himself more, like moving even a little would ruin it. Your breath caught in your throat, but you didn’t move either.

“Y/N,” he said, voice barely above a whisper.

The room was quiet. Too small. You didn’t look at him, and you couldn’t if you tried, but you didn’t run this time. That had to count for something.

Your name felt a little wrong leaving his lips now.

His hand shifted against yours, slow and deliberate. Not enough to startle you, just enough to show you that it wasn’t an accident anymore. You tensed a little. He paused, expecting you to pull away. You didn’t though, and that was enough for him. His hand turned, and he carefully threaded his fingers between yours. It was soft and hesitant, like he was giving you space to pull away if that was what you really wanted.

You felt it immediately. The warmth that you’ve been desperately avoiding. Your pulse drummed in your ears, and you were sure he could hear it too from this distance. Your heart fluttered for reasons you couldn’t, no, wouldn’t name.

“You’re still here,” he said, so quiet you almost couldn’t hear it.

It sounded like he couldn’t believe it.

“…Yeah.”

You didn’t believe it either.

Your hand felt clammy, even more than usual. You stared at your intertwined fingers, wondering for a moment if this was something that could actually last. If this was something you could make work.

“Dinner is starting soon… I should finish patching you up,” you said, casting your gaze onto the scattered bandages again.

Your hand lingered in his, a small moment of hesitation before you pulled away. Your lips puckered into a small pout. You bandaged his split knuckles with a newfound tenderness.

The room felt too small to be comfortable, and yet the distance between you seemed to span for miles. It realistically couldn’t have been more than a foot. Your eyes flicked up to his on occasion, and your breath caught every time you made eye contact.

“Good as new,” you said, more to yourself than to him.

You brushed your thumb over his knuckles for a second, telling yourself that you were only smoothing out the wrinkles. You grabbed the kinesiology tape off the desk, shuffling closer and applying it in careful patterns on his shoulder. Your face was warm, and you tried to dismiss it as the heat, even though the cool breeze passed through the window with ease.

“How’s that feel?” you asked, but even you we’re unsure if you were talking about the tape or your cautious touch.

Before you could even pull your hand back, he rolled his shoulder carefully. You felt his muscles ripple underneath your fingertips for a split second before quickly stepping back and averting your gaze.

“It feels good to me,” he said, eyes fixed on your side profile.

You cleared your throat, occupying yourself with packing up the first aid kit, closing it with yet another ‘click’.

“We should head out before they send out a search party,” you halfway joked, but you did consider it to be a very real possibility.

Jake stood from the desk, rolling both of his shoulders again. It was a simple motion, but even that was enough to make your stomach flip. You turned away before he had a chance to see it on your face.

“Don’t forget your shirt,” you remarked, taking small, quick steps to the door.

The walk felt endless. The moon and streetlights worked together to cast long shadows over the pavement. Crickets and cicadas chirped away in the distance, only serving to make the atmosphere more awkward than before. The scent of bulgogi was thick in the air, carried easily by the breeze.

The two of you turned a corner, immediately seeing everyone gathered around the barbecue. You smiled softly, watching everyone chatting and joking around before someone pointed out Jake’s arrival.

‘So this is what family feels like,’ you thought to yourself.

You hummed contently, earning a soft glance from Jake.

The two of you stepped into the circle and took your respective seats. You sat a little awkward, nestled right between Brad and Lineman.

“Is he okay? That took way longer than usual,” Brad asked casually.

You forced a laugh, the sound was a little shrill. Out of the corner of your eye, you saw the tips of Jerry’s ears go violently red as he became way too invested in the logo on his juice box, which was comically small in his hands. You weren’t fairing much better, a bit of pink dusted your cheeks as you looked back at Brad with a wobbly smile. 

“Oh, yeah, he’s fine…” you said, but it sounded a little unconvincing. “Whole lotta bruising- took forever to get the kinesiology tape to sit right, too.”

“Fair enough,” he said with a shrug. “Boss always takes an extra beating when he’s in a mood.”

Jerry’s juice box slipped right out of his hands, splattering again. He apologized profusely and tried to wipe it up before Jason started to help him.

You and Brad both looked back at each other, he snickered ever so slightly. He held his cigarette box out in front of you.

“You probably need one after dealing with the boss all day,” he laughed.

You shook your head politely.

“Nah man, I’m trying to quit. Thanks though.”

“More for me,” he said, already reaching for some of the bulgogi at the center of the table.

“Hey, Boss,” Jason called out teasingly. “You plannin’ on giving Y/N back to us any time soon? You had ‘em on babysitting duty all day.”

A few people laughed, but you grew suspiciously quiet. You were suddenly very interested in the grain of your wooden chopsticks. Jake leaned back in his chair, casually draping his arm over the back and rolling his eyes.

“Y/N’s just doing their job,” he said with a steady grin.

“Yeah, sure,” someone else snorted. “That’s why they’ve been glued to your side since this morning.”

“C’mon, we barely get to see ‘em! Even if we need to get patched up too!” Lineman said, nudging you and laughing along with the others.

“Don’t start,” Jake groaned in mock exasperation.

Even after the teasing died down, you were still slightly pink from embarrassment. The conversation drifted across many topics, some of which you were able to chip in for. Every now and then, you stole glances at Jake, noting that he occasionally did the same.

You poked at your food with your chopsticks, pretending that the sudden silence between the two of you wasn’t loud enough to overshadow the chatter around you.

“Seriously though,” Brad started, reaching for another piece of Bulgogi. “What took you guys so long? Y/N usually has you patched up in like 20 minutes. We started to think something went wrong.”

You and Jake both opened your mouths to explain the situation, only to be cut off by Jerry.

“I think it’s fine that they need some extra time! I mean… I understand! I walked in and left right away, I didn’t even see anything…! Well- maybe I saw something- but I didn’t SEE see…! I respect boundaries!!”

You shut your mouth immediately and covered your mouth with a palm, clearly pretty mortified.

The table fell completely silent for half a second before erupting into a boisterous laughter. People were dropping things, choking on their meals, tearing up, you name it and it was happening.

“Oh my GOD,” you groan, glancing at Jake who was also laughing.

“Jerry, No,” he said, patting his shoulder. “Thats not what was happening at all.”

“…It’s not?” the larger man responded meekly.

“Nah man, they were just being thorough. I took a couple gnarly hits, had to make sure I didn’t break any ribs.”

Jerry visibly eased, and the rest of the table laughed again, though it was much lighter this time.

“Besides. Y/N’s the only one with enough patience to put up with my whining,” he added with a laugh.

That’s when you eased up a little too, nodding your head with a laugh. You spent the rest of the dinner listening to the conversations, rather than participating. Some people were complaining about their training, others were going over the fights they had that week, some were discussing the sales from the stores on the street, so on so forth. It all eventually blurred into ambiance, you listened to the breeze whistling in the trees, the cicadas singing, and the occasional electrical clicking from the street light a few feet away.

The crowd dissipated slowly, you rose to your feet and helped gather some of the dishes. The clinking ceramic kept you grounded. You stacked plates high, and collected the stray chopsticks and trash in your hands.

“I’ll take these,” Jake said, grabbing your neatly stacked plates.

“Oh- you don’t have to,” you responded, tailing him with the leftover chopsticks and soju bottles from the night.

You followed only one pace behind him as the two of you headed to the sink to wash the dishes. The plastic bottles and chopsticks occasionally clacked against each other in your grip.

“You didn’t have to clean up either,” he said like it was the most simple thing in the world.

“I always try to do my part,” you said, dropping all of your trash into the garbage can. “I was already up anyways.

The silence that settled over the two of you was comfortable, but still heavy. You made your way to the sink, standing next to him as you began to scrub one of the plates.

“…I’m sorry about earlier,” he said softly, tapping his finger tips on the countertop as he watched you rinse your plate.

You bit your lip briefly, trying not to cringe thinking about what happened at dinner.

“It’s okay,” you said after some deliberation. “Thank you for handling it…”

You hand him the freshly washed plate, it was still pretty warm to the touch from the hot water. Your fingers brushed when you handed it off. You tried not to think about it.

“Dry,” you said, immediately working on another plate.

He chuckled, shaking his head slightly.

“Whatever you say,” he remarked, wiping the water off with a microfiber cloth.

You glanced over at him, watching him work before forcing your attention back to the task at hand.

The sink was too narrow for two people to be working at. The water pressure was high and loud, and the steam billowed in the air. You occasionally splashed water onto yourself or Jake, which was naturally met with a small smile each time. Each time you grabbed a new plate, your arm would brush against his, and every time you handed him a washed one, your fingertips would graze his as he took it. You tried to focus on the suds dripping down your elbow, hoping to catch them before they hit the floor.

Your mind wandered back to the bedroom like a curse. The way he laced his fingers with yours, the way he said your name like a plea, the way he didn’t let you go even after being interrupted, it all weighed heavily in your mind.

Jake dried his most recent plate with a careful precision. He didn’t move when his arm brushed yours, and you didn’t move either. You could feel him stealing glances, but you were equally guilty in that regard. You hand him another plate, and this time, he closes his hand around yours, letting it linger for a second longer than necessary.

“You keep saying it’s fine,” he started carefully, like breaking the silence would break the moment in its entirety. “but you’ve been quiet since we left the table.”

You bit your cheek and scrubbed at an imaginary stubborn spot on the ceramic that you knew you already cleaned. The water was scalding, but in comparison to the creeping warmth across your face, it only felt lukewarm.

“I’m fine,” you mumbled, handing him the plate yet again.

He hummed, not really believing you. He took the plate from your hand, letting his hand brush against yours with more intention this time.

“You don’t have to be fine all the time, you know…” he trailed on. “Not around me.”

The words settled over the two of you. You looked at him, seeing how red his cheeks had grown. You smiled, small and nearly imperceptible. You watched bubbles swirl down the drain for a minute before you answered.

“I don’t know how to do this,” you said, gesturing between the two of you, unintentionally flicking water on his shirt. “Any of it.”

He chuckled, looking at you with fondness.

“Well I guess we’ll just have to figure it out together, huh?”

You gulped, rinsing another plate before handing it to him.

“…What does together look like to you?”

Jake paused mid plate, setting it down carefully. He turned to look at you, almost in awe. His jaw caught the overhead light, you got a good look at the bruise that bloomed there. You traced his scars with your eyes, memorizing each jagged angle. He studied you just as carefully.

“I don’t know yet,” he spoke, voice quiet and low. “I’ve never done this either, but I figure it starts with not letting you disappear every time things get a little hard.”

Your chest thumped loud enough to be audible over the sink, you wondered if he heard it too. From this proximity, it may have been possible. Your hands were still operating on autopilot, scrubbing the plate for what had to have been the third time. Together. That word felt foreign to you, and far too big for the tiny sink. You didn’t know how to handle so much finality in a single word.

You didn’t answer right away, instead you let his words marinate in the air. The sink was still running, that and the sound of clinking ceramic were the only noises saving you from a heavy silence. You handed him the plate.

“I don’t know how to do this without waiting for the other shoe to drop,” you admitted, barely louder than the water. “I keep waiting for the part where you realize I’m not worth the trouble. Or the part where something happens and you’re gone.”

Jake turned the faucet off, leaving you to confront the silence. He turned towards you, and the atmosphere grew tense. He studied your face with that same look he’d given you all day.

“I know, Y/N. I’m scared too,” he spoke softly, reaching out and taking your hand in his, gently and deliberately. “I’m scared of turning into my dad, dragging you into all this shit that I can’t get out of. I’m not going anywhere you can’t follow.”

You swallowed so hard that your throat burned. At least that’s what you told yourself. It very well could’ve been the tears that threatened to well up in your eyes.

“Okay…” you said, looking at him with a quivering lip.

He wiped the excess water off his other hand onto his pants before bringing it up and cupping your cheek. He ran his thumb over the peak of your cheekbone so tenderly that it sent a shiver down your spine. Despite your natural instinct, you didn’t run. You hardly even flinched.

The scent of dish soap still filled the air. The room felt muggy from all of the hot water that was running more or less constantly until this point. Your nose got dusted with light condensation from being in line with the steam. Your mind flashed with vivid images, from how he gazed at you in the car, to how he listened to you talking about your parents. You still felt flighty, but when you locked eyes with him, you knew you had to stay.

“Do you think this is gonna work?” you asked, squeezing his hand in yours.

He watched you carefully for a second before answering.

“We’ll make it work,” he said gently.

He brought your hand up to his chest, pressing your palm flat against it. You felt it hammering in his ribcage. His face was pinker than yours, which was a feat in of itself.

“I promise.”

You counted his heartbeats to keep yourself grounded. You felt the warmth radiating through his shirt, your fingers twitching when you thought about that for too long.

“You really think so?” you asked.

Your hand slipped down a few inches, but never broke contact. The moment sat before he said anything.

“We don’t have to figure everything out overnight…” he said, smiling wistfully. “Just stay until breakfast. You can decide if you wanna disappear after I get you fed.”

The corner of your mouth twitched, threatening to form a small smile.

“Breakfast?” you echoed.

He nodded, a small smirk slowly forming on his lips.

“Yep,” he said with a pop. “I make a pretty decent coffee. You’re gonna regret not trying it.”

You let out a small, shaky laugh, letting your body inch towards his. He was truly magnetic.

“…Okay, fine,” you said, shaking your head a little. “Breakfast it is.”

You looked up at him, this time you let your lips tug into a crooked grin. That alone was enough to turn him beet red. You dropped your hand and laced your fingers with his once more.

“You’re getting pretty comfortable with that,” he said teasingly, but it lacked bite.

“Only a little,” you said, squeezing his hand a little.

Part of you was still scared. Terrified, even. You held onto him because that warmth was proof that he was real, that THIS was real. That he wouldn’t be gone in the morning.

“Let’s finish the dishes before we commit to using more, yeah?” you asked, poking his arm with a laugh.

He grinned, it practically lit up the room.

“You might be onto something,” he said, collecting the dried dishes and stashing them in the cupboard, creating room for you two to finish up the last of them.

You didn’t flinch when his fingers brushed against yours anymore. You didn’t pull away when his shoulder pressed against yours.

“Gangseo’s no place for dolls like us,” he said, drying off the last plate of the night. “But I’ll keep you as long as you let me.”

The words were heavy in the air for a minute before he interrupted the silence again.

“Let’s get out of here before someone else gets the wrong idea.”

You laughed.

“Good call.”

The two of you walked back to his, standing just close enough for your knuckles to brush against his. The cicadas stopped singing quite a while ago, so now it was just you, Jake, and the moon in the sky.

The two of you stood in front of his door, a comfortable silence lingering in the cool air.

“Stay,” he said, but it came off as more of a plea.

“You really think that’s wise?” you teased a little. “What do you think Jerry’s gonna think when he goes to wake you up in the morning?”

He pouted. Your chest tightened again before you gathered the courage to lean closer, placing a small peck on his cheek.