Every night a long night when u sober. Like I would have just popped a lil pill but now I gotta stay up and like rlly sit with my feelings and itβs hell. I donβt know what to do with myself anymore I kinda just sit around and wait till something good happens or till one day I just say fuck it and relapse and right now it feels like that days coming very very soon. This is such a shitty town full of dope heads like me and if I keep staying spring these ppl imma just ruin all my progress and then im kinda fucked and def goin to rehab or just like fucking die Idfkππ¬. Itβs also my birthday today first birthday in 2 years Iβve been sober which Iβm proud of myself for but sometimes I feel like itβs for nothing because I never wanted any of this. If it was up to me I would be in the same hole I dug myself into and I would be fine with that but I have to do this for other ppl but not every1 stays around long especially when you need it and I feel like every time I bring up my feels Iβm ruining the mood and then whoever Iβm talking to gets mad about how I feel but how in the fuck am I supposed to control that. Idek what Iβm talking about anymore Iβm not expecting any1 to see this Iβm kinda just typin shit to get it off my mind but ik imma still think abt this. All day everyday. My message is if ur doing drugs and sum1 wants u to stop for them fuck em they donβt mean shit only do it if u want to stop but fucking being sober Ts worse then hell. This shit like hell X1000000000
