Lost In My Mind

"I don't know if you know this about me, but I really love attention so that is going to work out just fine for me. Oh you don't know? Whoops." Sid bit back a smile, she was still new and kind of stumbling into every opportunity she got really, but she had a feeling like maybe she stumbled into an actual career, "I have two different pieces in shows right now, one here in town, and one in Chicago." Sid nodded, "So it sounds like you want to keep Rosewood as home base at least. You know, I don't know shit about Maine except that's where all the Stephen King novels are set but I'd be down to go just about anywhere, why not?" Sid followed suit with Stephanie, wiping her face and hands then she folded them, listening, "No, I think the only person who would is out in Los Angeles living her dreams. And you? You have more exes than I do. Whoever they are, they should know I know how to fight, like really fucking well so..."

"Whoops? Sid!" She nudged her foot under the table and gave her a stern look or at least her best attempt at it before there was excitement on her face. "I need to see them, like... immediately. Are you kidding? That's amazing. I'm sorry I didn't already know that. And yeah, I think so. I mean as long as my people are here. If they decide to all move to the moon I guess I'd have to find a way to the moon, you know? I promise we will not experience a Stephen King novel. It'll be very gay, very sitting on the porch and drinking warm drinks, reading by the fire type of shit. Though they do have really great places to hike. Acadia National Park is gorgeous." For the first time in a long time, Steph thought of Baker, the last woman she had ever been in love with. It was her most recent heartbreak and most poignant but she wondered briefly if Baker would feel anything seeing her and Sid together. She shook her head. "My most recent ex is abroad teaching at some prestigious school. I'm not worried about it. And even if she did show up I'd kind of really enjoy seeing you fight her," she admitted with a shrug. "But good to know you'd fight for me," she told her with a wink. She took one of the stuffed grape leaves and held it up for Sid. "Have you ever had these? They're kind of my favorite. I always thought it was weird when my mom ordered them but then I finally tried them and here, see for yourself," she told her, leaning forward so it was closer to Sid's mouth.

Sid didn't want to get ahead of herself, but rather enjoy the fact that seeing Steph be animated, even when groaning made Sid feel lighter - this was the fun part of a crush and she wanted to ride the wave. "That's a good way to walk through life, a better way than the bottling up. And anyway all of your friends are going to love me, so you don't have to worry about anything like that." She wasn't being presumptive, but she was also confident that if they got there, her friends would in fact love her. Sid kept eye contact with Steph for the most part as her date ate her perfect bite, but there was a moment where her eye contact broke in favor of observing Steph's lips before she blushed and pulled away, "I don't know, I wouldn't be mad if it went either way. I can't imagine that if I see this artist thing through, which I am then I'd eventually be making more trips out of town at least. What about you? Where does the woman who doesn't like change, but is also always on the go actually want to be?"

"Oh I'm not worried, I know they will. They'll act more tough than they are but they'll be up your ass for attention soon enough." She laughed as she thought about it. It wasn't like she hadn't told them about Sid. She had spent most of her brunch with Emmett yesterday scrolling through Sid's instagram and fawning over how hot she was. "I mean, definitely. Especially when someone get's wise and puts you in their gallery. Ahh well," she took a moment to take another bite, giving herself time before answering. "I love being close to my friends and family here, I'm happy. But I think at some point in my life I'd like to spend a year a little farther away. My Dad and his friends have this lake house which I love but we also have this small place in Maine. Not like in the middle of the woods but a little remote. One of the few places I feel like I can hear my own thoughts. Maybe I'll get to take you some time," she told her, voice softening at the end as she said it. "Okay," she paused, sipped her drink and wiped her face and hands off before sitting up. "I don't really think we need to wade into the whole exes conversation on our first date but is there anyone in town who I would be pissing off if I gave you a big fat kiss in the middle of a Rosewood event? I mean I can fight, for the record, but I just want to be prepared."

"Okay fine. You let me know when you're ready and I'll do my best to keep my clothes on until then." She sighed heavily, keeping up all appearances of being disappointed. And maybe there was a part of her that was if she was being honest with herself. When things weren't a mess they could be so easy between them. Knowing they couldn't go back to that felt like a loss in itself. She realized she was looking at his mouth a fraction of a second longer than she probably should have before she laughed nervously. "This is Rosewood. Knowing half the people here I wouldn't be surprised if my first idea was already taken. Wow. I'm impressed you've become so responsible over the years. Now I know who my first call will be the next time I get a flat tire." McKinley's voice was teasing but she couldn't have been more proud of him and everything he'd managed to accomplish when it came to making sure he was taking care of himself first. "You'll have to show me sometime. The store. I don't think I've seen anything you've made since college." She held her hand out across the table. "Not a ton. I have a few shoots lined up through the rest of the month but nothing to write home about. The best thing I have going right now is this gig I set up with the animal shelter. I take pictures of the dogs and cats for their adoption site."

Despite all of his strong thoughts, he blushed at her response, trying not to notice how she was looking at him. He laughed at himself and shook his head. "I am actually very fast at changing a tire. Result of having a sister who drives like she's a fucking racecar driver." He thought about all that he built, quite literally and figuratively. It was the first time in his life he felt like he was doing something he was passionate about and it showed in how many pieces he was able to produce a month. He had some clients who were paying big money to help him get ethically sourced wood so he could do his work right and without killing the environment. "Yeah, it's been a while and I'm way better than when I made you that chair. I've gotten more into colors, painting my pieces and all of that. I've been working out of a studio on the southside. He looked at her hand and gave her a five as a joke before he held it for a moment then handed her the m&m's. "That must be cute as fuck. Are they generally easy to photograph or what? And hey, some shoots lined up is great. What's been your favorite shoot so far?"

"I always thought about it like it's kind of inevitable to spin the block if you spend most of your life in the same place, but I don't actually know if that's true." Sid laughed, "Yeah, you buried the lead with who your dad's lady is. What if those songs that go you through were actually about your dad, That would be some shit right there. I know Vic. Not well but we've talked at parties and more than once she forgot that we've met before. I like that you're so open with me, it's a real nice change of pace." Sid left it there because she didn't want to shit on her relationship with Bridget, she'd genuinely been in love regardless of the drama, but Sid did spend a lot of time attempting to pull her out of her shell and at times the emotional labor of that was lot.

"Ugh stop! I don't want to think about it," she groaned and put her hands over her face. "They probably are! And yeah that sounds like her. She's a sweetheart and her memory is short," she joked. "I like that I can be open with you. I mean I used to bottle up a lot of shit and that clearly didn't work for me so I try to feel better about just saying what it feels like I want to say." Another thing she had worked on in therapy but she wasn't about to mention her therapist twice on their first date.

"You mean we're not ripping each other's clothes off at the end of this conversation? Because I already had a few places in mind." McKinley kept a straight face for a few seconds before her smirk ultimately broke free, making it obvious she was only teasing him for the sake of it. "I'm the most boring person you know, Finch. Nothing ever changes with me. I'll be an M&M's girl until I die." She knocked her hip against his before she started walking towards one of the booths. It only would be awkward if she made it that way, and for the first time in as long as she could remember she was going into the conversation with a goal in mind. "Way to make yourself sound like you hit 50 overnight. Now that we covered the stomach issues do you want to tell me about your new back pain or how your neighbors won't stop playing their damn music so loud?"

"Absolutely not, do you know how much I paid for this shirt? A whole 40 bucks. Plus, I'm wearing my backup underwear today. I need to do laundry." It shouldn't have surprised him how easy it was to joke with her without feeling awkward but it did. "Kind of worried that you have backup sex places though. I've actually met a lot more boring people these days so you're not even top 5." She bumped him with her hip, and it was almost as easy as that to fall back into rhythm with her. Almost. "Yeah, actually, I own a lot of ice packs and Ace bandages and pain ointments now. They're essential. You'd be amazed at how much woodworking takes a toll on your joints. And I have an Etsy shop now so I'm in high demand." He shrugged and smiled as if it was no big deal and slid into the seat across from her. "What have you been doing this summer?"

"I can kind of relate to that yeah, my dad and stepmom had a thing for one another back when they weren't old people, probably not exactly the same, but I do get having to wrap your head around the lore. Is this person like a shit head though or are they cool? I'm guessing your mom's girlfriend is chill too since you didn't mention anything about not getting along. You didn't mention you were a twin, but of course you were born first. I hope I get to meet your twin one day, could if you guys have that freaky twin telepathy like people talk about." Sid let out a quick chuckle, not wanting Steph to feel awkward, "I just can't believe you told me all of that but you called me a softy back in my room. That's bullshit."

"Yeah I call it the Rosewood effect. We're really like a Hallmark movie test site if you think about it. No, she's so fucking cool. I mean she's fucking Scarlet Vinson. Do you know how crazy it is to realize that the woman who's music got you through one of the worst heart breaks of your life is also highkey the love of your dad's life? Weird. Plus her daughter Vic is really great. Also very chill, yeah, her name is Tina. Very butch. Such a good cook. I think my life just tends to change so much so fast that I don't actually process it all until way later. I've been working on that with my therapist." Steph stopped for a moment and smiled as she thought about her brother before rolling her eyes. "Shawn, my favorite person and also the biggest pain in my ass. But he's been through a lot and he's doing well. We just disagree on a lot of family things. He's really great though. But I never said I wasn't a softie. You did. Baby, I'm a Libra and a Cancer Moon, I am full of mushy emotions. I have never been in denial of that."

"Right." McKinley nodded slowly, but even that wasn't a memory she really wanted to think back on. It wasn't like things with them were great at that point either. It was easier with him not around. At least then she didn't have to feel dramatic over the fact that she missed someone who was in the room. "People would rather have you than liquor. Give us a little more credit." Her nose scrunched slightly at the admission but she was thankful he actually had admitted to things instead of trying to brush it off like she was imagining things. I wasn't like she blamed him. Every time she'd come into his life she only seemed to cause chaos. "Yeah. I noticed about six months in. You're still not very smooth." She laughed under her breath, somewhat surprised at how easy it felt. "We don't have to. I just wanted to say hi. I don't want to sidetrack whatever you have going tonight."

"Subtlety has never been a Finch specialty." He shrugged, giving her a genuine smile this time. So much had happened between them and since the last time they talked but Shawn wasn't oblivious to the fact that he would always care about her. "I think we should though. I mean if it's been this long and we can't handle a conversation without ripping each other's clothes off then what have we been doing with all of this time?" Maybe she had caught him on a good day or maybe it was because he had thought about this conversation so many times, either way he knew he would regret just leaving now without finding out how she was doing. "I have time if you have time. No rush to get back to my apartment. I have off tomorrow." He turned towards the snack aisle, picking out some of their favorites before he turned back to her. "Your snack preference change since the last time we saw each other? I haven't had these chips in forever but I think my stomach can handle the nostalgia."

Sid could relate as her parents were also best friends - each other's family and had always regarded themselves as such, sometimes when she was younger it was a little confusing because they seem to work so well together, but she let go of the notion that they were ever going to be together and the realization that she didn't need them to be. "Change can be rough, there's no shame and having growing pains getting used to it. I bet your mom misses you just as much. It think that you're going to feel how you feel and you should be honest about it with yourself, I don't know the ins and outs, but I think it's going to be okay even if it's way different. The mood is in tact, no worries. That's why they call me 'ready to receive whatever' Sid." She joked, "Yeah that's her. Her folks are separated or whatever too and she stayed with her mom primarily so she's like core family but she's been away it's a whole thing."

Steph didn't shy away from Sid's words, receiving the comfort and taking it as what it felt like to have her care about her thoughts and feelings. She wanted Sid to know her, really know her beyond the surface and this vulnerability was part of it. "Yeah, change is fucking hard. I don't know, the person my Dad's with is someone he's been in love with for a long time. Probably before he even met my mom and that's hard to really reconcile with. Like even while he was raising us, he was still thinking about this woman who clearly has had his heart this whole time. And I know I've been complaining about him a lot but he is a really great Dad. We're close which is probably why I feel all of this so much. My brother and I differ a lot but, wait, did I mention I'm a twin? I'm older by a minute..and twenty-five seconds," she added and shook her head. "Anyway, we're rambling now. I don't want to spill out all of my family tension and dynamics on our first date. That's at least a third date thing," she added, nudging Sid's foot with her own so she knew she was grateful for her listening.

"Well there's a face I haven't seen in a while." McKinley wasn't actively avoiding Shawn but after everything that happened she knew the smarter move was to give him his space. The last time she'd tried to be in it she'd played a decent hand in ruining his relationship. As selfish as she could be when it came to Shawn, she didn't want to be the reason he suffered or went into a tailspin. So she'd taken a step back even if it wasn't something she wanted, aside from a few drunken texts every now and then that she consistently tried to play off. At the end of the day no matter what happened between them he was still one of the people she cared about most in the world. "I don't think I've seen you since... Christmas? Or maybe that was just Steph. I honestly can't remember at this point. I would offer to buy you a snack but I think you might still be avoiding me." @p-finch

Shawn was probably dramatic but he felt her before he heard her voice. Even with the distance he had put between them she was as familiar as always and for once he didn't panic when he turned to face her. "Thanksgiving, a year ago," he told her. For last Christmas he had gone to Italy to see his mom, welcoming the change of scenery instead of being overwhelmed by their big Christmas. He and Steph had gotten into a fight about it but he had gone anyway. And he was glad he did. "Yeah Steph stayed, you know she loves a big family holiday. I didn't want anyone to feel bad about getting drunk." A month ago he had made it 3 years sober. He had celebrated it with his friends and had gone with Naomi to this flea market to sell some of his pieces and they had ended the day at a meeting where he got his 3 year chip and he felt far from the guy he had been once upon a time. "I have been avoiding you," he admitted, turning to look at her fully now, taking in the way her face had changed and not changed. "How about I buy us both a snack and we go sit somewhere? Think I can handle being around you. For how long, I don't know but we'll see," he let out a laugh as he said it to let her know he was joking. Mostly.

"This is the place? I'm sorry, I didn't make the connection. Wow, this is sacred space." Sid mirrored the soft smile back at the blonde, genuinely feeling special that Steph and wanted to show her this place because her family was like everything for her so she knew she wouldn't take just anyone to the places they frequented and she considered special. "My parents split for good when I was around 12. They're still close, there's no bad blood but I think we all know romantically they're just never going to be that. They both still live here, I can't imagine my mom living somewhere else where I couldn't just drive 10 minutes and be there. I was kind of just talking about something similar with my friend Aimee." She shrugged casually, "You will be informed of any and all points deducted and gained at the end of the date.

"No, it's okay. I was trying not to be too sentimental but it's nice. Sitting here with you. My parents didn't divorce until my brother and I were teenagers. I mean I was 17 and my mom was always here, you know? Even when my Dad got married again...and again...and again. They've always been best friends but last year she fell in love, followed this woman to Italy. Is so happy but I miss her. Miss her being closer and able to hear all my problems and we call and talke and facetime but it's not the same. I miss her hugs." She can feel herself getting a little emotional about it so she looks out the window instead for another moment. "I'm supposed to go visit her in the Fall but I can't shake the feeling that I'm going to be conflicted seeing her so happy without us. Sorry, didn't mean to bring the mood down. I don't know; I'm at a place where honesty feels good, but also with you...I like just saying what's on my mind. I can sense that you're ready to receive whatever and I really appreciate that about you." It was something she noticed from the first time they met. "Aimee, did I meet her the thought night? Short cutie with heavy flirty eyes? The one who was in the pageant?

"Oh I didn't know this was your favorite table. Is this your go to first date spot or just generally a restaurant you like?" Steph wasn't wrong, the first date was where you felt the other out, "Oh we absolutely do and you should so that's gonna have to be counted against you." She clicked her tongue. When their server came around Sid ordered water with extra lemon then her attention was back on Stephanie, "Sweet, then I'll shoot. I want to know your deepest, most bone chilling bad first date story and what you took away from it. Give me the good shit."

Steph let out a laugh and she glanced out the window to muster the vulnerability to be honest. "I've actually never taken a first date here. I think I told you the other day that this was a go to spot for me and my mom. She moved to Italy a year ago and since then I've mostly come by myself." She looked back at her with a soft smile. "Yeah? How many points have been deducted, hm?" She leaned over to press a kiss to Sid's wrist before sitting back. She let out a laugh at the question and groaned. "Wow you really want to start with the important stuff, huh?" She took a moment to think about it, grateful when the waiter came back with their drinks and she took a few sips of her lemonade before answering. "My junior year of college, I went on this date with this girl I had a crush on, bad. It was when I was on a break with my college girlfriend and I was feeling excited and free and I just went for it. Asked her out. She was so hype, said she was going to take me to her favorite place." Steph shook her had as she recalled the memory.

Seeing Steph smile made Sid sure that it was the right move to get the flowers and risk being only a little bit late. "I'm glad that you like them. I have absolutely no idea what they are though, so please don't ask me what they mean." Sid did a sly little shrug at being called a romantic because she guessed that she kind of was but was it so wrong to want to be swept off of her feet and to do the sweeping? After they sat, Sid let herself look around the place finally, she'd already loved the vibe when she walked in, and sitting with Steph by the window felt intimate but not in an artificial way, "I like this place, it's not as… Rosewood-y as a lot of places on the northside are. Please, girl I haven't sat at a table and not shared food in maybe ever. And don't try to distract me with compliments, we have serious business we have to attend to. What's gonna be your ice breaker you know? I already have mine locked and loaded. It's a little more challenging when we aren't complete strangers. Pressure is on, Richie." Sid smirked while she held her hand out over the table for Steph to take as she was the type for physical touch almost always.

"I'm glad you approve. This is my favorite table," she admitted. It wasn't like Steph didn't see her mom all of the time but it was different now that she lived abroad. Steph usually came here by herself these days but there was something in her that really wanted to share it with Sid. That wanted her sitting across from her instead of anyone else. "Hey, I just have to check, you know? We're getting to know each other. These are important factors. Oh do we?" She smiled, happily taking Sid's hand, brushing her fingers along her knuckles. "I didn't realize I should have one prepared but I do have quite a few in my back pocket. I've done way too many corporate retreats," she joked, giving Sid's hand a squeeze as the waiter came to take their drink orders. But soon her eyes were back on Sid, a sweet smile on her lips. "Tell me your icebreaker since you're so well prepared."

The nerves Sid had weren't so much like the type that would make a person feel on the verge of being sick, it was more like...champagne bubbles - it was nice and made her a little giddy. She tried to play everything fairly casual when it came to the topic of Stephanie with her friends, but her smile when she said 'I have a date' pretty much shot that all to hell. Nadia, best roommate and best friend ever of course came in clutch when it came to outfit selection and Tino...sure was there doing his best, reminding Sid to take a few condoms on her way out, so he clearly was mostly waiting on Sid to get out of the apartment so he and Nadia could have it to themselves. Or he was high. Or both. Either way, Sid had been making good time but for some reason there was a line at the florist shop and it knocked her off of her scheduled arrival time by about 5 minutes, but at least she wasn't empty handed. "Hey Suze. Sorry I'm a little late." She was already fighting back a grin between taking in the sight of Steph and receiving the compliment, "No you do too. Really fucking good." She answered Steph by stepping forward and giving the blonde an only slightly prolonged kiss hello, then stepped back and held the flowers out, "Here, I'm not a flower expert but I thought you would think they were pretty. I liked the colors, they reminded me of you."

Steph noticed the flowers as she moved closer, her smile undeniably goofy but she chose to kiss her back first, cupping her cheeks with both hands to hold her there for a moment. "They're perfect; you're right. I do love the colors." She pulled them up to her nose and closed her eyes for a moment. "I knew you were a romantic." Another kiss before she slid her hand into Sid's and led her into the restaurant. Soon enough they were sitting at a table near a window and Steph was feeling some of the nerves settle as they sat across from each other. She pulled a menu towards her but didn't look at it much. "So are you a more 'I want my own meal' person or a let's share everything on the table person? I'm the latter so you know, could be a deal breaker but you look so cute sitting across from me I'm pretty sure I'd say yes to anything right now." It felt good to flirt, good to be under her gaze and have her sitting across from me, and Steph felt like she deserved to feel good.

"Yeah, I know a Northside rich bitch when I see one. Tomorrow? Wow you're not wasting time. I'll be there but don't worry about that okay? I think I'd freak myself out before you freak me out, and I'm feeling pretty calm right now." She must have said the right thing because it earned Sid another kiss from Steph, "Yeah, I know what I'm doing, but if embarrassing is what you want, they'll gladly give it to you I'm sure as hell not." Sid stayed where she was, observing Steph, "You're so sexy, like goddamn how am I supposed to concentrate? I'll do my best." When Steph held her hand out, Sid got up and did the same mirror check, though she was going to get those looks regardless, "Something like that." Before Steph could open the door, Sid stopped her and spun her around, pinning her against said door and kissing her one more time. "Okay, now I can resume host duties."