whoever wrote this paper has the funniest phrasing possible

happy turtle bit off a cop’s toe in the hudson river day for those who celebrate

A CENTURY AGO

lets make bad art together

i just realized that i forgot to put the word “make” in the image and i think thats fitting lets bad art together

(to the tone of creep by radiohead) but i'm asleep. on mypillow

A cat is a machine that turns proteins into violence.

not everything is getting worse. at least you don't hear high hopes by panic at the disco every day anymore

so im having a piss in the bathroom (where its supposed to go…) and these vaping godless wenches think the sound of my tinkle warrants a giggle. does anyone know how to get me in contact with some powerful etsy witches for a cheap and swift vengeance

Ok*reduces you to a simmer* go rest for a while

venus planet of love was destroyed by global warming and me i feel also not so good

horses cant scratch themselves but humans cant go fast. we support this legandary partnership

agnostic horse: we just dont know where scratch posts come from

How goated it is to be anything at all

there’s a japanese radish just below this post but you can’t reach it