Pardon me while I have a strange interlude

"codify" is such a fun word. lawmakers! turn this into a fish

you are fifteen thousand generations removed from stone tools

to be clear you are fifteen thousand generations removed from the invention of stone tools. not from the end of stone tools. modern humans are still using stone tools.

I thought you meant we were descendents -of- stone tools

your father was a handaxe and your mother smelt of microliths

Use your PTO

the draw of arranged marriage AUs to me is really the way the dubcon of it all binds them together. neither of them have a choice in being here, something else is foisting this upon them whether that’s their parents or the political situation around them or expectation or something else, but the point is that they don’t get that one choice. so they have to make a choice somewhere else, that now that they’re here, they’re going to make it work. they’re each other’s only allies, in this cage built around them. they may have been coerced into swearing to stand by each other through anything, but they did swear.

it’s not love at first, or second, or third sight. it’s not love in the wedding bed the first time, whether they grit their teeth through it or decide together to forgo that binding step and try to get around it as long as they can. it’s about sharing a bed with a stranger while you learn their nightmares and how they hog the covers. it’s about sharing a name before you even know each other’s hobbies. the appearances you have to keep up, and the connection you find in both being exhausted by them, laughing together because isn’t it ridiculous how you not only have to be married but you have to act like it’s perfect and lovely for everyone else watching. it’s love that creeps up quiet and slow, between shared secrets that make your wedding bands mean something for the first time, and trying to protect each other from the trap you’re both in. and it’s about having the mortifying thought of “oh my god, i have a crush on my wife.”

I think of the liushen dynamic like a shy little boy who has a crush on his teacher. I can imagine Liu Qingge running up to Shen Yuan with his fist closed around something until his shixiong goes, "Oh, it's a gift for me?" And Liu Qingge wordlessly nods and opens his hand and gives him a dead bug. Shen Yuan politely says that's very nice and Liu Qingge blushes and replies, "Want to see me do a flying sword trick." And it's phrased as a question but he does it before Shen Yuan can answer. Shen Yuan claps his hands and comments, "Wow shidi, that was really cool!" This is an average flirting session between two adult men and both of them are completely sincere during this interaction.

Imagine you got bullied as a kid so to make up for that insecurity you became a super successful alpha male grindset influencer and then one day you got pushed into a portal and found yourself in an alternate universe where you're a malewife who married your old bully. That happened to Luo Bingge

And, crucially, your malewife impostor is living a life so much happier than you are that you immediately try to take his place.

i am massively overdue for a very very good week where not a single bad thing happens and everything is easy

reblog to give prev a very good week where not a single bad thing happens and everything is easy

next time you’re at the thrift store and find a nice solid thick pile area rug for a shockingly good price and you’ve been looking for an area rug for the office forever and the color goes really nicely with the office color scheme and you think this is it, this is what i’ve been waiting for, stop, and ask yourself: did i take the bus here?

next time you’re on the bus and see someone with an area rug and a look of deep disappointment in themself mind your own business

I love browsing cover-up tattoo stuff when every once in a while there's someone asking "how do I cover up this unspeakably idiotic thing" and people are like "please do not cover that up, that's fucking amazing." You just have "shrimps is bugs" written on your leg now. That's your legacy.

Have you seen that one weasel tattoo that someone was asking coverup advice for? One of the best tattoos I've seen.

It's so fucking beautiful I'm in tears. Laughing so hard I'm crying but what difference is that really.

"it would be so good if it was good" will haunt you but "it's extremely good, except for the one or two parts which are so bad it's genuinely kind of insulting" will straight up drive you insane

random anecdote for father's day: one time during a long car ride my dad asked me, "you're familiar with Murphy's Law, right?" and i was like "isn't that the one about how anything that can go wrong will go wrong?" and he said "yeah, exactly" and i said "why do you ask?" and he went "well, have you heard of Cole's Law?" and i said "no, actually, what's that?" and he said "it's mostly lettuce and carrots with a little dressing mixed in"