I need this man to die horribly

Pyro is taking a stroll inside the castle, pretending like he owns the place just cuz he thinks hes special or smth.

HES NOT

pRETTY PRINCESS OWEN owns that castle. Lucious Owen stalks pyro, walking behind him.

Well not walking.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA WHY ARE YOU NAKED AND IN PINK FRILLY HELLO KITTY PANTIES?=??

"this time... THIS TIME ITLL WORK"

Owen is talking to the wall again, by now he's drawn a face on it. Probably called it lotus lois like. some kind of stripper.

But thats not the point

Owen decides, best way to go about this? Make a patreon exclusive asmr channel. Because if Pyro loves one thing, then its spending money to feel exclusive and important. Which he isnt. Common whore.

But nonetheless Owen makes the channel, starts gurgurgurgurgurgur guring, bloodwax cracking and those rps. you know which i mean

And specifically. "Owen rp but i just kill all of the coven" AND THAT tickled Pyros brain. Pyro jumps and yells like a fangirl when he is invited onto the channel. His whispeing voice might soundlike a dying baby elephant with aids, but they'll manage. "Okay just wait in this hydrali- i mean. This ..anti echo chamber"

Pyro snuck into Owens room for totally unimportant reasons, carrying nothing but a pillow. He hopes suffocation via pillow doesn't just work in movies.

Man thinks while not having a beating heart that needs to breathe

But. Owen is nowhere to be found.

Hm.

So what does any proper man do when he's in the room of a man with such lucious locks?

Search for his diary ofcourse. In the hope of it containing his hair care routine.

We don't talk about all the other stuff pyro probably found .

AH DIARY AQUIRED

It has "Ways to kill Pyro" written in glitter pen! Pyro knows what words lead into a man's heart

Huh no hair care routine ...

Oh hey there's a lot of ways that Owen has killed me so far huhhhhh.... HMMMMM

and there's a lot of ways he hasn't??? Twilight fanfiction???? Sausage is also there?????

There's one circled in glitter pen....

Death by raw stromboli?

The floor boards creak behind him

I can smell the lucious locks. He's behind me isn't it.

"stromboli... Stromboli..."

"pyro... I made you some... Stromboli"

"oh hey Owen.... Why is it so.. stiff"

GULP GULP GULP GULP GULP

PYRO POV

So. Pyro got nursed back to health after the last... Dynamite accident.

And he's . Done.

At first the killing was entertaining and all but it's just getting on his nerves at this point

"can kill you and will" stops being hot after the 10th attempt on his life. Probably. He's still debating that

So. Rat poison won't kill a vampire, but it'll get the message across.

He just hopes this isn't a courting ritual and he's accepting it

So, on the Thursday stew, after the Wednesday stew, he puts an entire gallon into the soup. Easy win, he thinks to himself

Later that night as the coven, now including apo sat down for their daily stew

Pyro takes a few sips, not wanting for Owen to be suspicious.

But everyone else just eyes the stew, maybe it's the potent smell of rat poison but he wouldnt-

FHFHDHSGGGHHHGGGGGGG

GGGGGGGGGHHHHGGGGGFFGGG

Sighhh why do people need to be defined by their worst moments sighhh /j

Owenrpbutijustkillpyro only ever does what the asks want

Owen:

Okay since pyro is still alive, even after everything, I think I'm going about this the wrong way...

How to kill a vampire hmmmmmmmm WITHOUT being met with the homoerotic allegations.

The lack of action, in vsmp is homoerotic so. Action. Is less homoerotic. Hmmmmmmm

Owen walks up to pyro, who was sitting on Scott's lap or smth I wouldn't know I wasnt there

Owen pulls pyro forward, freak doesn't give a lot of struggle

Pyro was caught off guard, so Owen had the perfect chance to.

Deepthroat a stake into him

Gonna have a little extra after the credits scene in the next post cuz fuck this guy

I accept the challenge

Also thinking about making a crossover with legs instead of pyro once

Owen does not kiss bald men like him so he needs to die

Owen likes his lucious locks

You know how kids sometimes put rat poison in their Wednesday stew when their parents don't let them get nipple piercings,

I think that's what Owen did and that's why he didn't know his parents

So putting dynamite in the Wednesday blood stew

Pyro sucked on it suggestively. He thinks at least. Or that man child never truly learnt how to chew since Scott's been spoon feeding him

He might not be able to chew but he can swallow ig

That's an overstatement sighhh

Disappointingly, he did not die of explosion but of suffocation. Cuz he could on fact, not swallow as it turns out

You'd think after all the time with Scott he'd be better at that ngl

But then he also kind of explodes cuz Owen gives him a little kick