juno's step is heavy, and her body feels heavier.
her left arm hangs limply as she steadies herself against a nearby wall, breaths coming slow and with effort. her heartbeat pulses in her skull, sapping what little strength remains in her limbs, making each movement shaky as she continues to pull herself forward; shuffling, slow steps, driven onward by nothing but a constant urge in her head to keep moving. somewhere that wasn't here.
the street lamps light seared into her skin, her shadow staining the walls behind her; she'd been resting here too long. she'd nearly fallen asleep on her feet...it was unusual. she didn't like it, but that didn't matter right now--she couldn't be out here like this. it would be easier to reassess the situation and better to rest up somewhere safe. she feels light-headed...
she inhales sharply, clenching her fists to crack her knuckles. she just needs to make it back.
something catches in her throat with that breath, she stops and starts coughing; a loud, hacking cough that stirs up enough phlegm to spit; the violent feeling ripping long ridges of fire along the edges of her throat. she's finally able to breathe, blinking back tears. that was new. well, the coughing wasn't, not really anyway, but her throat...she swallowed, squinting her eyes slightly at the sharp feeling as it went down.
great. wonderful. perfect. just what she needs.
she pops her left shoulder, feeling an old bruise cry out against the movement, before rubbing her temples with her right hand.
...home. she needed to get home.
she's able to push herself unsteadily from the wall, straightening herself.
tonight could've gone better.
she was definitely going to be bruised up--she got lucky with the knife, but it was too many to take at once. not here. not alone.
she's still feeling sluggish. she's felt sluggish since she set out, actually. that cough's been making it hard to focus tonight, and after that fight...
a drop of water hitting her head tells her she should probably get moving.
she's able to bring her legs back under control, maintaining the steady, even gait that she's used to. she's careful about her breathing, doing her best to avoid coughing--but inevitably, again, something shifts, her breath catches, and much as she tries to stifle it, she eventually gives in, taking a much larger breath and tearing wholly new agony into her throat. maybe it was a bit more than she was used to. it was certainly more frequent, though she'd just blamed that on the air tonight.
though with her throat in the state it was, she had to acknowledge the possibility that she was getting sick.
she grinds her teeth, annoyed.
it starts as drizzle. juno looks up as she walks, pushing hair from her face, looking up into the clouds. she should've brought her umbrella.
then it's rain. juno sighs, picking up the pace. it seemed inevitable, given the distance, that she'd need to change. it was a hassle, but walking around in soaking wet clothes was too distracting, and unlikely to make her current state better. maybe a shower...
then it's sheet after sheet of water pelting down against her head, and she's stumbling into a run, quick as she can manage. everything seemed to be piling up tonight specifically to piss her off. step after splashing step, through puddles, across wet concrete, shoving past the odd passerby doing the same, breaths coming quick and cold.
finally reaching the entrance to her apartment building, juno stopped underneath the awning, catching her breath--which, as she noticed, was becoming increasingly difficult. her legs shook, dimly throbbing with the pain of exertion, scarcely able to raise off the concrete.
she stood, panting, coughing, hacking, spitting, steadying herself against the door as her lungs fought to inflate to full size.
she'd really underestimated how much smoking had taken its toll on her body, huh...
no, this was something else. it had to be. this took too much out of her. she misjudged what her body was able to handle. finally raising her head to the door, a sudden dizzy spell kept her from standing straighter. she grunted, leaning up on the door.
her clothes were stuck to her skin. her hair was weighed down and stuck in odd directions, and she was dripping. the hectic sound of rain falling harder and harder around her drowned out any other sound but her own breathing.
it was freezing suddenly, and juno fought to keep from shivering as a wind blew past her. her nose was running from the cold, and she sniffed, rubbing her gloved knuckle against it.
she shook her head to clear the fog, ignoring a dull pounding that got worse as she did so.
she had to be getting sick.
that didn't matter. she was here. she just needed to...she broke off in her thoughts, coughing again.
she needed to get to her apartment. she needed to get home...to her bed. she needed to get some sleep.
entering the front, she was struck by the filtered, cool air--and immediately shuddered, despite an attempt to stiffen her shoulders. it didn't matter, she just needed to get to her room.
ignoring the greeting from the front desk, she began the last leg of her journey, each step squeaking against the floor and increasing the growing ache in her head. each shuffling movement of her legs threatened to send her off balance. evidently, the scowl on her face was enough to staunch any further attempts at conversation from the staff, which she was grateful for. nice as this girl was, juno didn't have the time or energy for it.
each step felt higher than the last, but juno forced her feet into as dispassionate a rhythm as she could manage as she climbed the staircase. fighting the shivering now was a lost cause, and her body freely shook with each step. she did, however, tighten her jaw, fighting to keep her teeth from chattering, ignoring how uncomfortable that felt. it helped to keep her focused, and that was enough.
as soon as she reaches her floor, she presses stubbornly forward, without giving herself a chance to breathe.
just gotta...get to the door.
every step, her whole body felt heavier and heavier. each movement took longer, and it felt like the path in front of her was extending to infinity. just keep moving forward.
keep walking. you're nearly home.
right hand pressed to the wall, her left dangling limp at her side, she approaches--her eyes suddenly shut, her feet slow, her head bobs up--damnit--as her mouth slowly edges open to show her grit teeth- "-nESHhiew!" -the sneeze is followed by the most intolerable coughing fit yet, sapping what little vitality remains in her body.
a moan escapes from her; her teeth chatter with reckless abandon as she crawls her feet forward underwater, seeing the light at the end of the tunnel, her apartment just a few steps--seeming increasingly farther away by the second, as finally...
she does not slip on the rain water pooling beneath her, but she does fall.
her breaths come heavy and hot against her chest, and she tries to force herself back up on her left hand, but she can't draw up enough strength even to lift her chest.
she coughs weakly on the floor, feeling darkness closing in around her.
...no, don't...don't fall unconscious...get up...get UP!
she's muttering something indistinct to herself, increasingly agitated, but her body isn't moving.
well, besides shivering, and the rise and fall of her chest as she continued to breathe.
that's the state celeste finds her in, and the sound of her door hitting the wall as she flung it open rang out through the ocean in juno's head.
celeste stared steadily down at her face, her hands clasped together and pressing down into her lap.
she stopped shivering a while before she'd even gotten her under the covers. at first, she panicked, but slowly she realized that it likely came down to how warm her apartment was. maybe she wasn't completely unconscious when she found her? she did think she'd heard her mumbling.
that didn't matter right now. what mattered was that she was breathing, but she still wasn't waking up.
she pulled out a few towels to try and dry her skin, only to realize that it wasn't all rainwater soaking her body (although it was likely the majority of it...)
she unstuck a slick lock of hair from her face, feeling fever radiating off from her forehead as she did so.
it had been a few hours. celeste was getting ready for bed when she'd heard the noise, but the second she saw her on the floor, she knew she'd be awake for at least the next few hours. which, as it turned out, juno wouldn't be joining her for. she'd tossed her clothes into the laundry and wrapped her up in a few layers of blankets.
at this point, there wasn't anything to do but wait.
she lamented this fact, but it remained.
it was always the worst part.
she laid back, rubbing her eyes. she had no idea what to make of her right now. whatever had happened. she'd seen juno vulnerable before, but this was a bit much.
she'd never collapsed outside her front door before. that was new. truly unique. she'd outdone herself.
bruised. soaking wet. burning up.
whatever happened, it seemed like she'd been at the end of her rope. she was glad she'd made it home in one piece.
she didn't want to think about what would have happened otherwise.
in fact, she didn't want to think about much of anything right now, other than her waking up. it was too exhausting to deal with all of the thoughts swirling in her head. she wasn't sure she'd ever get to sleep at this rate...
juno stirred quietly, struggling to get her eyes open past a squint. it felt like gravity itself had increased its hold on her...there was something covering her whole body, warm and heavy, and it made the sleepy feeling harder to fight...
everything appeared to her in a haze, all her senses like jelly. her vision was swimming and distorted through her half open eyelids, her skin was slick with sweat and her arm was asleep, there was this odd ringing in her ears that made her head ache...she didn't just feel sluggish; it felt like her entire body was resisting her trying to move. not that she wanted to, but she was awake...she was pretty sure. was this a dream? her whole body was so warm...when did she fall asleep...? where was she...? the only light beside her seemed to be a candle, and the darkness surrounding her made it a lot harder to tell.
confusion turned to comfort as a familiar face pressed forward through the fog, and suddenly she felt her anxieties wane. celeste was asleep with her hand propping up her head. she was...adorable as always.
wait, why was she here, though? where was here?
"...ugh." it was more of a sigh than a groan. despite that, she was still surprised by the sound of her own voice. her throat was killing her, and her nose was completely stuffed. god forbid she had to talk. everything ached, and moving just made that fact more apparent. the heating unit kicked on, and after a moment, she processed the continuing rain overhead.
she's soaked in sweat, but she doesn't feel like moving at all. the heat was overwhelming, uncomfortable, but it made it so much easier to just close her eyes again, and...there's a sharper, more active part of her brain trying to work her way through this, and there's another that's restraining it, trying to walk it back into unconsciousness. she wants to listen. nothing about that matters right now, she just wants to sleep...
she doesn't think she's in any immediate danger...a brief flash of panic hits her as she reaches for her gun, now missing, and it's enough to convince her she needs to get up, as difficult as it is. she squirms under the covers, trying to wriggle herself out of them, fighting against her body as much as she is the wrapping. what her body fails to do, her voice makes up for in congested sounds of frustration.
"wh...?" juno paused, watching as celeste began to stir herself. "oh...oh! oh, you're-!" she felt moisture on her cheek, and bashfully wiped the drool off her face.
"...sorry." juno croaked, and they both winced. "didn't...mean to wake you." "don't worry about it. i was barely even sleeping; i was too worried about you. i'm...not even tired." she did her best to stifle the yawn that followed, and thankfully it didn't seem like juno noticed it. at least, that was what she guessed by the blank expression on her face. "how are you feeling?"
she turned blearily, opening her mouth just enough to show her teeth as she took stock of herself. "...awful." that much she couldn't deny. her head didn't hurt as much, but with every breath she could feel the bruises on her ribs, the dryness of her throat, the sweat soaking her body. it felt like she could hardly raise her hand to scratch her neck.
"yeah, you're...you've got a fever." great. "..."
juno broke the silence with a coughing fit, and celeste stumbled over to rub her back as it picked up steam. even, easy circles, brushing against her spine, her ribs, both shoulder blades, as her whole chest swelled and strained against itself, ejecting more and more spittle and pressurized air.
when it was over, she remained stooped as she had been, doubled over against her stomach, breathing unevenly, but steadily. her eyes remained shut, and celeste continued the gentle motion of her hand.
that took more out of her than she thought. she felt tears drop from her cheeks, the fog surrounding her head clearing just enough to pull away from her touch. "don't-" she didn't finish the thought, but celeste's hand cringed back anyway. "..." the touch had twisted her heart, but that response stabbed into it. she sighed, frustrated.
here again. unable to do anything. chewed up and slammed against the wall, the agony of being awake mingling with a persistent guilt strangling her heart. ordinarily, she would've left by now.
she turned to one side, and realized her arms were free of the covers.
she pulled them aside, showing off a mess of fresh bruises blossoming along her side. celeste sucked in a breath, and juno dropped them again. "your clothes were soaked through. i...put them in the wash a while ago, so they'll be ready soon." thunder rumbled beneath them, and celeste cleared her throat. "you don't need to worry about anything right now. just..." she paused, trying to gauge some kind of reaction from her. "...try to get some sleep."
they were both quiet for a while. juno wasn't moving.
...surely she wasn't asleep already? in that position?
just as she was about to stand up, juno's hoarse voice cut through the silence. "you hate me, don't you?"
celeste choked on her words, every sound caught in her throat. ice water splashed against her skin. "i...you do, don't you?" turned to one side, it was impossible to see her expression, but her voice was shaking.
"you're such a kind person, and i'm just..." she drifts off, lying down again.
"you should have left me in the hallway."
you should've just let me die.
"it would've been easier for you." i'm sorry.
"all i do is make you worry." all i ever do is put you in danger. "all i ever do is take, and take, and ask more and more of you," all i ever do is burden you, "without giving anything back." all i ever do is hurt you. "again, and again, and again."
"i try to make you leave," i try to get away from you, "but you won't." but i can't.
celeste's panic waned, transforming into a heavy weight in her chest, instead. juno turned, her eyes shut tightly. she felt like she was sinking lower and lower into the bed. her heart is pounding, and it's the only noise she can hear.
"i don't know if you want to fix me, or what, but i can't change. i never will." her voice breaks.
i don't know any other way to be.
"i'm sorry." you should've let me die.
maybe then you could be happy.
their faces meet, and juno's face is covered in a blanket of brown hair and freckles.
celeste feels her fever against her cheek, her forehead, her neck, presses her hand into juno's, feels her heartbeat thumping in her fingers, and breathes deeply, smelling a scent she's grown accustomed to over time.
"...don't say that. please." she whispered directly into her ear, and juno shuddered. "i don't hate you." "you do. you-" "no, i don't."
"...you should." i deserve it. "i don't. i brought you here because i love you, and want to take care of you."
juno didn't think she could sink lower, but she'd somehow managed it. even as celeste pulled her up from the bed into her arms. "i don't hate you. i couldn't ever hate you. i don't want to fix you. and i don't care about what's easier for me, i just want you to be okay."
she pressed her face deeper into juno's, wrapping her hands against her head. "...okay? i love you. i don't care what it costs me. i don't care if you hurt me. if it happens again, and again, and again, i'll come back every time. you don't have to do anything in return, because i'll love you all the same. i'm not going to leave you. i'm never going to leave you."
"you scare the shit out of me sometimes. there isn't a day that goes by that i'm not terrified that something's gonna happen to you. and if that happens, i don't know what i'll do."
she squeezes juno into a tighter hug, shutting her eyes. "...i don't know what my life would be without you." you're all i have.
...it's juno that breaks first. slowly, slowly her grip over herself softens, and her fists tighten. her breath catches, and her lips part into grit teeth as she whimpers against the brunette's neck. tears fall heavy and fast, and it isnt long before she's weeping unrestrained within her embrace. one of her gasping breaths transforms into a coughing fit, and celeste is rubbing her back again, and she's sobbing and coughing and her nose goes from blocked to running again. celeste fights to keep herself composed in turn, but it's a losing battle, and she knows it.
there are no more words exchanged. their tears fall the same as the raindrops overhead, and the thud of the washing machine coming to a stop is lost in the sound of falling water, thick and heavy and hot, like blood dribbling out on the pavement.
stormborns
janainaart
yousharknotpass
germansingergirl
pixelskylines
