âI had such a crush on you when we were younger.â- Tim admits, calmly, like that information didn't just change the chemistry of Kon's brain forever.
âI'm in love with you.â- Kon blurts out, fuck being lowkey, no flirting, no nothing; he needs to speak his true -âI been in love with you for so long it feels like it's engraved into my soul, I want to be by your side forever, as a friend, as an ally, as anything you need me to be.â
Tim stares at him. Kon can feel his eyes even under the domino, his heart rate accelerates.
âIf I had come out during YJ would you- would you have dated me?- Kon stumbles, he doesn't know why he's asking, it will only hurt him.
âYes.â- Tim responds without missing a beat, but he doesn't continue, he doesn't move, his heart rate is going back to normal.
The answer is clear, Kon doesn't speak again.
âBut I did tell you! Many times, to your face! Don't you dare say that this is sudden.â Tim fights back, he looks offended, hurt, like Kon had just kicked the childhood puppy he never had.
âThat's a lie, that's a fucking lie, Rob!â Kon interrupts before Tim can speak again, getting louder every time Tim tries to talk. âAdmit it, this is because Bernard left your ass, and now you are lonely and pathetic because your second boyfriend ghosted you. You don't actually like me, you like having someone, anyone, around you!â He continues, ignoring Tim's protests in the middle, he's not falling for a lie, not for one as bad as this one. âAnd it's cruel of you to try to play me like this, we were friends for years, how could you-â This time Tim does interrupt, as loudly as he can.
âWere?â He asks.
âYeah, were.â
It's been a couple of years since Tim last saw Kon, maybe a little shy of six years, Tim would like to lie and say he hasn't been keeping track. The day of their last fight burns him every year, he remembers the date when he looks to the side, expecting Kon to be there. All the times he looks at something he knows would cheer him up, the silly facts Kon would have appreciated. Every experience he gets to have without Kon reminds him of his own stupidity. He was selfish, thinking Kon would never choose to leave him as long as Tim needed him, as long as Tim gave him a reason to stick around. Tim forgot Kon was like everyone else, that he had a limit, one that he pushed and broke time and time again until Kon didn't want to be needed anymore. But Kon could have done so much better, he deserved better, even before the fight, before Tim decided that it wasn't worth it anymore to try with his friendships, back when he responded so coldly to his confession. Kon always deserved better. Tim was selfish before, but he has learned enough to accept that reaching out will be just as selfish, that's the lie he tells himself when he's so eager to call out to Kon that his name burns his tongue. But he's just full of himself, afraid of facing the consequences of hurting his friend. Friends, because that's what they were, never something more. Never crossing the line into what they both knew they wanted, it was never the right time for it. Tim wonders, maybe, if Kon would still date him after all these years, if they ever speak again for long enough to allow Tim to force down his fears. A small part of him feels hopeful. But that awful date creeps upon him once more, and he lets that hope pass, as he knows the answer already. There is no point in wondering, reaching out is not an option, it's just better this way. It's past midnight, he's tired, his eyes feel heavy after crying for what felt like days, and he misses the first call. The second one comes five minutes later, catching Tim while he was debating whether to return the missing call or not, and he picks it up. Maybe it's not that late after all.
