Totally accurate quotes from Sal herself

I'm so funny.

I though about it and I IMMEDIATELY started crying.

*Sal crying into her corndogs over Yeo One*

I hate this. I hate you. I hate that my corndog fetish has been EXPOSED.

My corndog is stuck in the toaster.

NO. NO. NO. NO NO. I want you to know that with every NO I'm squashing my corndogs a little more.

I'm just tryin' to live the corndog life and Lappa's over here bein' a corndog elitist.

"Talk to Zeloswaffles They are the sweetest pumpkin roll I HAVE EVER MET-- I LOVE EM."

He could wear SOCKS as a tube top; he needs a sandwich.

I remember watching him die in it.

I would feed him all of my chickens. I would lop off those heads Yamazaki style, no questions asked.

My stomach was making the rumblies that only hands could satisfy.

If you would have asked me a year ago what this Korean boys blood type was, the one with the big lips, I'd have had no idea. I don't even know MY OWN blood type. But now?  I woulda been like 'A? IT'S A.'

I just wanna grab her and just SHAKE HER.

"Fuckin' BAP fuckin' up the farm life for me."

I just, I wanna grab those thighs. I wanna squeeze them like a stressball. This isn't sexual at all I just-- I wanna know.